[rainbow8]

I don't know if I believe in EMDR or not but I asked T if we could do it about shame today. So we did. We've discussed these same incidents many times but I still have the feelings of shame about my body. I was embarrassed during the session but my T is very happy that I am going to pursue this subject. At the end I said the feeling word is "exposed." So we will pursue EMDR again next week. I know T doesn't judge me but talking about this stuff is really hard and makes me feel exposed, in addition to the incidents themselves making me feel that way. I have always felt that I need to do something about the way I feel but never could trust a T enough. It's now or never.

[ABC1357]

Please, let us know how it works... My T also recommended EMDR, but I don't really get how it works. And I don't feel ready to open up detail of my issues to my T. Just hard to trust he will not judge.

[growlycat]

I hope it works well for you rainbow!! I've never tried it but I am curious if you find it helpful. Keep us posted.

I am a little embarrassed saying some words but I'm finding Kashi will say back to me things that were painful in my past. He doesn't allude to it he just says it and I find it jarring. I think it comes from a place of shame too.

[betweenarock]

I heard it works

[kecanoe]

I find EMDR helpful. It allows me to process things that I don't want to talk about. Sometimes I have to think about things that I don't want to think about, but I find that better than having to talk about them.

I hope it works for you rainbow! I don't really know anything about EMDR, but I think I'll do some reading about it. Thanks for sharing with us. I deal with shame and fear of being seen too.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by ABC1357

Please, let us know how it works... My T also recommended EMDR, but I don't really get how it works. And I don't feel ready to open up detail of my issues to my T. Just hard to trust he will not judge.

I did EMDR with my T a few years ago. The problem is that she tells me there's no right or wrong but I think I'm doing it wrong. I don't understand it but T believes it works so I'll try again.

Originally Posted by growlycat

I hope it works well for you rainbow!! I've never trjidd it but I am curious if you find it helpful. Keep us posted.

I am a little embarrassed saying some words but I'm finding Kashi will say back to me things that were painful in my past. He doesn't allude to it he just says it and I find it jarring. I think it comes from a place of shame too.

I know what you mean! T will say things back to me and I want to hide. I think EMDR helped with my fear of matches and fire --somewhat.

Originally Posted by betweenarock

I heard it works

I hope so!!

[QUOTE=kecanoe;5396510]I find EMDR helpful. It allows me to process things that I don't want to talk about. Sometimes I have to think about things that I don't want to think about, but I find that better tha

[QUOTE=artemis-within;5396557]I hope it works for jyou LM rainbow! I don't really know anything a job hEMDR, but I think I'll do some reading about it. Thanks for sharing with us. I deal with shame and fear of being seen too.[/QUOTE

Thanks. Sorry I'm falling asleep.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I find EMDR helpful. It allows me to process things that I don't want to talk about. Sometimes I have to think about things that I don't want to think about, but I find that better than having to talk about them.

Same here - it is difficult but worth it. I hope it goes well Rainbow.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Out There

Same here - it is difficult but worth it. I hope it goes well Rainbow.

Thank you. Tonight I emailed T that I want to hide from all the body and bathroom stuff. I told her I censor myself when we do EMDR because I don't want her to know how messed up I am. I don't think I have to tell her the image, just if it changes or not. Yet if I don't tell her, I don't feel like I've gotten it out. For me, sharing it is healing but I feel ashamed. Not necessarily abuse, just the way I feel about things, and some incidents in my past. I feel like I'm stuck at an earlier age, but I want to hide and not talk about it but part of me wants so badly to get over this. I'm conflicted.

[Out There]

I understand those feelings - my T says it's like having stuff in a cupboard that you have to get out and sort and then store neatly. I find sharing is healing too , and so often those feelings come from a young place.

[MBM17]

EMDR has desensitized me to hugely emotional issues that I just couldn't manage to get over, meaning I'm not flooded with panic and terror anymore. I hope it helps you.

And way to be brave!!!!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Out There

I understand those feelings - my T says it's like having stuff in a cupboard that you have to get out and sort and then store neatly. I find sharing is healing too , and so often those feelings come from a young place.

Yes, that's how I feel. And I know the feelings are from my childhood and preteen years.

Originally Posted by MBM17

EMDR has desensitized me to hugely emotional issues that I just couldn't manage to get over, meaning I'm not flooded with panic and terror anymore. I hope it helps you.

And way to be brave!!!!

Thanks! I'm not flooded with panic or terror, just shame but my T thinks the EMDR will help. What I think is that I just need to talk more about my feelings and stop feeling I'm disgusting. I hope T is right though I'm not honest when I do EMDR. I don't always see images and don't know what I'm supposed to say. I don't understand the process.

[kecanoe]

I don't really understand the process either. And I get what you are saying about not knowing what I am supposed to say. T2 says it's not a right/wrong thing, she is just checking in to see that I am not too distressed and to have a brief pause. Could you ask your t what kind of a response she is looking for?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I don't really understand the process either. And I get what you are saying about not knowing what I am supposed to say. T2 says it's not a right/wrong thing, she is just checking in to see that I am not too distressed and to have a brief pause. Could you ask your t what kind of a response she is looking for?

My T has also said there's no right or wrong but when she stops the buzzers she wants to know what image I'm seeing, or maybe thinking about. She has said that what matters is whether it changes or not. If it changes, she has me focus on a different incident. I think that's how she explained it. But I don't think it helps me unless I tell her what I'm thinking except it's usually too embarrassing. I am going to ask her to explain the whole process again on Wednesday. In the meantime, does anyone know what you are supposed to say? An image, feeling, thought, or any of the above?

[kecanoe]

Well, T2 and T3 (who I don't usually do EMDR with) both say that there is no right/wrong. Share whatever is there, whether image, word, memory, idea. When I am too embarrassed to tell, I either say that, or sometimes just one word like "shame" or a couple of words "shame at being childlike". I remind myself that they don't see the things that I am seeing, and they are asking only to help me clarify my thoughts. I remind myself that I don't have to go into detail with EMDR and that I would rather do EMDR than talk about this stuff. And I remind myself that they signed up for this-they have chosen a profession where they hear some awful stuff and that it bothers me more than it bothers them because it happened to me.

The idea of EMDR is that when something bad happens, that memory is stored at a certain place in our brains, and that by moving our eyes (or buzzing or tapping or hearing) back and forth we allow the memory to discharge, so that it doesn't set off our fight or flight response. At least that is how they have explained it to me.

The big advantage to EMDR for me is that it is not destablizing the way that talking about things can be. To me, that makes it worth the discomfort about doing things right and the uncertainty about why/how it works. I would do about anything to avoid talking about some of that stuff (as evidenced by my dissociation)

[rainbow8]

Your reply is very helpful, kecanoe. Thank you.