Feelings - Wrong?

T posed the idea that feelings can be wrong today. She said I was trapped/immobilized by my feelings and that my intellectual side could not function to temper them or balance things out because of the intensity that my sensitivity leads me to. She said that feelings aren't always right and I hold this belief that they are absolute. I don't understand how feelings can be wrong - but I did ask how they could be changed.

I think emotions are always right - maybe I should say valid - but the perception behind them might not be. The feeling could be a reaction to an untruth, but it is still a real, honest feeling. I don't think the feeling can be wrong, but that the action taken based on the feeling could be.

I'll have to explore that further with her next week.

Maybe you can ask her what she means by 'wrong'. Does she mean they can deceive you or be a cover up for soemt hing else. Or does she mean they are inappropriate and you shouldnt have them. I definately think the latter is untrue.

(((((((winterRose)))))))))

This is where I get really confused...Is a feeling an outward display of an emotion? I don't understand because people say all the time I don't display my emotions, but emotions aren't supposed to be displayed right? Anyway, sorry I wasn't any help, guess I made things worse. I hope you get it all figured out. If you do, would you mind giving me a heads up?

Thanks,
Dee

It is controversial whether emotions have rationality constraints or not.

It is controversial what emotions are...

I'm fairly fond of a view of emotions that has been championed by the empirically minded philosopher Jesse Prinz. According to Prinz:

Emotions are brain states that register bodily changes and represent core relational themes.

(I'm tempted to replace 'register' with 'represent' but that is a technicality, I guess).

For example: Fear is a certain kind of neural state that registers certain bodily changes (racing heart, eye dialation etc). The neural state also represents the relational property of something being a threat.

But of course you could jump at a garden hose or you could jump at a poisonous snake. Your amygdala can't discriminate the two so in one sense it is perfectly rational (makes good evolutionary sense) that there be a 'false positive'. But in another sense it is irrational to represent that a garden hose poses a threat to you because garden hoses are harmless.

Similarly... Sometimes we represent the world as being a certain way (e.g., someone intends to harm us or poses a threat to us, someone intends to insult us or demean us in some way). If the world turns out not to be that way (we misrepresented) then there is a sense in which our emotion could be said to be irrational.

But then given the life experiences some people have had (where people often intended to harm or belittle) it would make sense for a person to be wired up to be quick to represent the world in that way such that they can respond quickly (like how we are wired up to jump at garden hoses). So... Some people are hesitant to call this process 'rational' and instead they say it is 'understandable'. Whatever whatever (I think) lets not get caught up in a verbal dispute over the appropriate usage of the term 'rational'.

esthersvirtue - I'm going to try and remember to clarify with her on Tuesday. It just was so hard to comprehend at the time that I wasn't able to think what to even ask. The idea is way out there for me.

mybestkids2 - I've never thought about a difference between feelings and emotions. I rarely use the word emotion. I usually talk about my feelings. They do have a different feel to them don't they - I think being emotional has the connotation for me of being more worked up than just feeling a certain way about something. If that is the case, then my T and I were probably talking about emotions. I don't know - now I'm confusing myself.

alexandra_k - I like to think that emotions are understandable like you said. Everyone has emotions for a reason - they make sense if you step in their shoes and they serve a purpose for that person - the only thing is that sometimes they aren't really serving you anymore, but have become a hindrance or liability. That's when changes are needed. But we often don't see that for ourselves. Thus ... therapy.

I think feelings just "are". They're information to you about yourself as you are relating to your surroundings. I think they're only "wrong" when one gets one's head in the mix so one makes judgments based on them about other people. Feeling someone doesn't like you doesn't mean they don't like you! Feelings are yours and only tell you about yourself, not about what other people are actually feeling or thinking, you have to ask/confirm with other people what they are feeling or thinking.

However, that doesn't mean that your sense of whether the other person is "good" for you is "wrong". It is that sense they do/do not "like" you, which is actually your sense of whether you want to be around them, not whether you like/dislike them (you probably don't know them yet) but whether you personally are comfortable around them. No one really likes to think/feel they are rejecting another so it is easier to accent the feeling that the other person doesn't "like" you than to realize that you don't like the way you are feeling around the other person and either try to resolve it (ask the other person how they are feeling and try to get to know the other person) or "accept" one's feeling as one's own and move on.

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Feelings are information to you about yourself as you are relating to your surroundings. I think they're only "wrong" when one gets one's head in the mix so one makes judgments based on them about other people.

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I like that.

I just finished reading a book called "Instinct to Heal" which details the difference between the emotional brain and the cognitive brain. I am struggling with this issue also as my thoughts and emotions often are at odds with each other. The book stated that emotional intelligence is just as important (if not more) as cognitive intelligence (IQ). I'm planning on checking out more books on emotional intelligence. I truly empathize with your situation. My thoughts are with you

ahhhhhh I have a problem with using the word wrong.

I have had a really really hard time even identiying my feelings, or acknowledging that they exist....so if someone said they were wrong I would just bury them again, a not productive thing.

I don't think that it's as simple as saying a particular emotion doesn't serve us anymore. However, I do understand the concept. For example, my dissociation in the form of confusion doesn't serve me well as an adult. It was a survival mechanism that developed during an abusive childhood. But if I think of it as wrong, then it only makes me feel bad, as if I did or am doing something wrong. So, maybe I need to think of it as a remnant from my childhood that I try to become aware of. And integrate into my adult self.

Does that make sense?

1 week 2 days till my next T appointment
5 days till I can call T