T's phone during session

Merecat · Dec 21, 2016, 12:11 PM

I'm sorry, I can't see a situation where it's ok for a t to have their phone on. If it can't wait til the end of the session - what 60 mins at the most - they're probably not the person to be dealing with it. If I were standing on a ledge somewhere it's the emergency services I need, my therapist isn't the right person for that scale of immediate crisis and all she would do is phone emergency services anyway.

If my T is on call, I don't expect them to book me fit a session - I'd rather them plan to see me st another time than be distracted by the phone. I just don't think my T can presence herself with me fully while knowing her phone might go, much less actually responding to it. I've had jons where I had scheduled appointments and an on call process, so I know what it is to need to juggle both.

All of which is beside the point, you've told her you don't like it, she's being paid for her time with you and she continues to be disrespectful. You've been with her for 2.5 years, what is she doing to help you build a support system away from therapy?

Elio · Dec 21, 2016, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I questioned myself perhaps because T1 has shamed me like this before, telling me basically that I overreact to "small things" like this. I'm going through so much right now....and am very vulnerable. So I was afraid maybe I was, again, being oversensitive.

I don't feel like you are being oversensitive. And even if you were, I'm not sure shaming you is the best way to address sensitivity. One of the biggest things I need is that unconditional positive regard. Without that, I can't/won't open up to someone. Even with that it took a year before I started to feel like I trust her. I don't feel like you are getting that unconditional positive regard. I am not sure if you have ever gotten it from this t; if not, perhaps it is not her style. If you once felt that, perhaps there is something to talk to her about because possibly counter transference is going on and she is not completely aware of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

My T gets very defensive at times, especially when I "overreact" to things like this.

Perhaps it is she that is being oversensitive.

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I did send her an Email this morning canceling my session for tomorrow. I'll just take things one day at a time for now. It's all I can do. But when I'm hurt like this, I become...paralyzed, for lack of a better word. I am not yet able to hold myself up, and I do not have support in my personal life, my therapists are all I have. I have PC, and people I can Email...but no one in my immediate life who "is there" for me.

Please lean on us - forums, chat, personal messaging. And if needed the AA/NA meetings or other support meetings in your local area. All of these are here for support.

Pennster · Dec 21, 2016, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elio

Perhaps it is she that is being oversensitive.

I agree- your therapist seems very sensitive toward her own feelings and extraordinarily insensitive toward yours. This makes for a terrible situation for you. I really think she sounds like a troubled and unpleasant person.

I am so sorry you are going through this! I wish we could make it easier for you somehow.

AnxiousandAlive124 · Dec 21, 2016, 12:55 PM

This is awful, you honestly should either talk to your T in depth how it makes you feel when she does this or flat out just fire her. Hugs

ADeepSandbox · Dec 21, 2016, 01:01 PM

Absolutely you are not being oversensitive and that's a very mind-game-ish and judgmental thing for your therapist to say. It's your session and you deserve her attention. An infrequent emergency is one thing, especially when they've informed you about a possible need for contact on their phone, but a constant activity like that is messed up.

I would not be able to tolerate a therapist having to constantly check their phone and certainly would not tolerate one attending to personal grooming or playing on their computer. My therapist did similar things (doing paperwork while I worked on a relaxation exercise, etc.) and I walked.

Dec 21, 2016, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thank you all.... a few things to address off the top of my head, my T IS the boss. She owns her own practice, and other Ts work under her. The yawning...that's not unusual, but she usually yawns loudly, making the sound with her voice, which CAN be controlled. The filing was obvious, she was irritated with me, and did that to show it I'm quite sure. I see two T's. This one (for two and a half years, at twice a week), and I have a second T who is somatic experiencing, and works with me through bodywork. She had me a pile of mush yesterday because she was 20 minutes late for my session. 10 minutes is common, 20, not so much. I do have my issues with her at times also.

I questioned myself perhaps because T1 has shamed me like this before, telling me basically that I overreact to "small things" like this. I'm going through so much right now....and am very vulnerable. So I was afraid maybe I was, again, being oversensitive.

Somehow I think she is testing me. I have finally gotten treatment for a bad addiction, and was only clean for two weeks....not long enough to "test" me. So with my coping mechanism taken away, it feels too early to have to test my sobriety, so to speak.

My T gets very defensive at times, especially when I "overreact" to things like this. She knows her phone going off almost every session bothers me, even if she ignores it, because oftentimes, she can't just ignore it...and tries to peer over to look at the screen. Or, she'll ask how the weather is, if it's cold outside, then she'll pick up her phone "to check the weather," but I know she's looking at something else, too. She's the only T I've had who is a psychologist. And, she's the only T I've had that does things like this, then makes ME feel guilty for being bothered by it. When I confront her, she gets defensive, and I end up feeling worse.

I did send her an Email this morning canceling my session for tomorrow. I'll just take things one day at a time for now. It's all I can do. But when I'm hurt like this, I become...paralyzed, for lack of a better word. I am not yet able to hold myself up, and I do not have support in my personal life, my therapists are all I have. I have PC, and people I can Email...but no one in my immediate life who "is there" for me.

Using the weather as an excuse to check her phone would REALLY bug me. She could at least be honest.

Dec 21, 2016, 01:27 PM

Musing, I'm so sorry that your T is treating you as though you do not matter. You matter. Your sessions matter. She shouldn't be behaving like this and dismissing your feelings, not being present with you, and engaging in such behaviours.

Sarmas · Dec 21, 2016, 06:46 PM

Sorry to hear that. That's horrible, disrespectful, and unprofessional in so many ways. What did she say once you told her that it bothered you? I think it's probably time to find a new T if she continues to act the same way. I had issues with mine as well in the same fashion. I had many sessions where she was on the phone with her husband or an insurance company in reference to another client. She gave me a heads up during my session that the insurance company was going call during my time. Unfortunately this was often. She would also check her phone often and her attention seemed to be on her phone and whatever was hog in outside of the room we were in. It was tough but I had to weigh if it was worth continuing sessions with her despite my attachment to her. I eventually left which was hard for me to do but it was equally or more frustrating feeling disrespected during session which was once a week. I wondered if she did this with others as well but I can't see other people sticking around the way I did like an idiot that I was. Therapy is not cheap and that time is your to use. You are there for a reason and if she's not providing what you need and not fulfilling your expectations perhaps it's time to find someone else.

Salmon77 · Dec 21, 2016, 07:03 PM

It is absolutely disrespectful and unprofessional for a T to check messages during a session. Unless there's a real emergency of some kind, the phone should be silent. I think it's also disrespectful and unprofessional to be routinely late, as it sounds like this T is, unless the client is okay with that and the time gets made up. You are not overreacting and you are in the right.

Worst of all, she is treating you like your feelings about this don't matter, and that is profoundly disrespectful and not at all therapeutic. It is damaging. You have another T, sounds like, so I'd say ditch this one.

Dec 22, 2016, 12:33 AM

Are you ok?

Dec 22, 2016, 01:47 PM

Your t may well be the boss of her private practice bug she is not the boss of you. You are her boss. Do you feel this is working for you because it would not work for me. Would you have enough self support to tell her everything you have said here?
It sounds as though you are very vulnerable and fragile right now and especially being sober for a while so I can see why you need your ts support do much right now. I think her behaviour is instilling a belief that you don't matter. You do absolutely matter and so does your t matter. Your feelings matter. As a matter of interest, how is your therapy being therapeutic to you?

Wonderfalls · Dec 22, 2016, 06:59 PM

I agree completely with Merecat. The therapeutic relationship depends on the therpist's giving the client complete and total attention.If a therapist is on call then they shouldn't schedule a session. If there's a huge emergency then the client or family member should call 911 and that's all there is to it.

Sarmas · Dec 25, 2016, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wonderfalls

I agree completely with Merecat. The therapeutic relationship depends on the therpist's giving the client complete and total attention.If a therapist is on call then they shouldn't schedule a session. If there's a huge emergency then the client or family member should call 911 and that's all there is to it.

I agree as well. Otherwise the client will not feel at ease during season thinking that they might get interrupted at anytime. I know that was the case with me. It happened so often that I was in shock if we went through a session on time and without interruptions and complete attention.

musinglizzy · Dec 26, 2016, 01:00 AM

Thank you all for the support. I'm still struggling with this. That session a week ago felt SO heartless to me.... and she still won't agree that she's doing anything wrong. She thinks I should be accepting that she needs to be available for her child during my sessions. (her child, who is almost 18). No, she's very rarely late. Sometimes she is on Thursdays, because of a staff meeting before my appointment, but we're moving my session to before the meeting to avoid that. She is otherwise very much on time usually. Gets me in on time, and gets me out on time...usually without even an extra minute. I do have a second T, whom I really like...but I'm trying to work through my attachment to T1, to leave her, and just stay with T2, who is excellent for me in most ways. I was lucky to find this one. So I have a good T if I leave T1, but I just haven't been able to prepare myself for termination with her. I'm working on that part... T1 knows that I went to see T2 partially to work through my issues with the first one! It has been a long road.... thank you for the support I have always been able to find on here!

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