[Out There]

What are your reflections from your therapy for this year ? For me , it's been hard work and painful. I think of how I was in October when I nearly terminated both my T's because I was so triggered and how they both showed me how things could be different. And now I realise my childhood was dysfunctional and issues for me it's caused. There has been much loss too this year , but I'm hopeful for 2017.

[growlycat]

Sparky asked me what I have learned before I left CA. I learned that I need more supports in my life. More relationships outside both my family and therapy.

I haven't been in therapy for going on three years now, but I use what I learned about myself and about coping and thriving each and every day. I continuously reflect on those insights and lessons and am so grateful that I had strong therapists who helped me find this very satisfying place in my life.

I have learned a ton about myself this year and about how to BE my "Self" in the world. As of the past few days, I am angry with t so I'm considering not going back. I will not make that decision in haste though. Because once I say I'm not coming back, she may not LET me if I decide I was wrong.

Happy new year to you all. This has been an extremely difficult year both emotionally and professionally. I have been reflecting a lot this past week on how much nothing has changed in my life, yet everything has changed. I was wondering how far I have come with my therapist. Really far yet I have a long way to go. I am stuck in an impasse again that is making everything seem hopeless but there are possibilities everywhere.

[LadyShadow]

It has been an up and down year for me in therapy. I have learned to be stronger and accept myself more. And with my therapist's guidance in helping me, I landed a job, so 2017 is looking brighter.

The trauma I'm dealing with now is more brutal than my first trauma. Pursuing the journey of forgiving my mother is one of the hardest things I've ever done. She's toxic, our "relationship" is toxic, and I've reached a point in my life where I am FULLY READY to get away from my mother for good. This whole process is slow and painful. I can feel who I feel I am being stripped away slowly. Now I'm not sure who I am, but I feel much different than earlier this year.

Happy New Year, Out There. And to everyone out there.

2017 is the year of only putting good, wholesome things into my body. I'm 90-95% vegan now. Now if I could only put good things into my mind....

I enter the new year in the aftermath of a huge rupture with my therapist and with a lot of ambivalence about continuing with him.

The anger turned inward--aka depression--has turned outward with the help of my therapist, but surprisingly, feels the same as depression. I'm hoping this an accomplishment and a catalyst for moving forward.

The rupture still doesn't feel quite resolved, but he gets defensive so I am reluctant to discuss more. Things he said during the rupture were so hurtful, it makes me wonder if it's best for me to leave. I've searched out other therapists and none seemed to offer anything that would incentivize me to jump off the fence.

Maybe this new year will bring new ideas, new ways of self-improvement. I still have hope. One thing that changed since the prior year is that I feel I have more agency than the year before. This is another positive thing that came out of my therapy; but that also contributes to the ambivalence.

Lastly, I'm questioning my intellect, which has been one of the only consistently reliable things over the course of my life as I've been able to separate thought from my emotions when needed. Which makes me wonder if I grasping for straws here. Or maybe this is because I am more integrated now?

Which ultimately leaves me wondering if 2017 is going to be the year of confusion.

This year I have developed a deep attachment to my T that I didn't really see coming, as I had already worked with him for a year without the attachment. I think the purpose of the attachment is to allow feelings of adequate safety to facilitate working through some of my early experiences and we started that work without explicitly planning to do so, in the last couple of months.
From this work I am realising that some things I thought I was okay with are actually very painful on an unconscious level. The process of bringing that to the surface and trying to reprocess it is delicate and exhausting.
I've also learned that I have no desire at all to have any kind of relationship with T1, and his unsolicited contact has shown me he is knowingly unethical and a bit creepy. That's not something I thought of him before.
All in all I think I have done immense work this past year in therapy and I am very proud of myself and my T for the trusting and highly functional relationship we have developed.

[Elio]

This past year has been one of amazement for me. A year ago, I was very much on the verge of ending things, I knew I was not in a good place and had started researching short duration residential places - I felt like I needed to get away because I was losing grip.

Last Jan I returned to my t (of 2 months) after a 5 wk break with the request to change my entire life and go all in for the long haul.

Now, I have lost a considerable amount of weight leaving me just barely in the obese category. I am significantly physically stronger. I am pursuing ever more changes to my body to address some of my gender dysphoria issues (something I thought would never be possible)...

And even with my slight slips and bad days... I know they are just that, a bad day or a rough week. I feel I can hold on through those days because I have felt the good days, weeks. I have felt the love of others and I have seen glimpses of the love I have for myself.

I have a t that is the bomb ... no she's not perfect and no she doesn't make mistakes... we have our missteps and misqueues... I love her and more importantly, I trust her - I really trust her as scary as that feels at times. I've heard lots of people complain about how bad 2016 has been for them and wishing that it hadn't happened. I'm every so grateful for my 2016 and the rollercoaster it has been. I have a long way still to go - here's to continuing and progressing through 2017!!

I guess I should change my mood to hopeful cuz that is what I am feeling today

[atisketatasket]

Unfortunately I have learned that no mental health professional is to be trusted in the future - therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist. And that one bad experience can completely erase months of progress.

Originally Posted by Elio

This past year has been one of amazement for me. A year ago, I was very much on the verge of ending things, I knew I was not in a good place and had started researching short duration residential places - I felt like I needed to get away because I was losing grip.

Last Jan I returned to my t (of 2 months) after a 5 wk break with the request to change my entire life and go all in for the long haul.

Now, I have lost a considerable amount of weight leaving me just barely in the obese category. I am significantly physically stronger. I am pursuing ever more changes to my body to address some of my gender dysphoria issues (something I thought would never be possible)...

And even with my slight slips and bad days... I know they are just that, a bad day or a rough week. I feel I can hold on through those days because I have felt the good days, weeks. I have felt the love of others and I have seen glimpses of the love I have for myself.

I have a t that is the bomb ... no she's not perfect and no she doesn't make mistakes... we have our missteps and misqueues... I love her and more importantly, I trust her - I really trust her as scary as that feels at times. I've heard lots of people complain about how bad 2016 has been for them and wishing that it hadn't happened. I'm every so grateful for my 2016 and the rollercoaster it has been. I have a long way still to go - here's to continuing and progressing through 2017!!

I guess I should change my mood to hopeful cuz that is what I am feeling today

Miraculously, I have made lots and lots of progress in 2016.

[Unrigged64072835]

I didn't make much progress last year as I had liked. I'm still in the house, scared to go out except to a few places. And I usually go with my husband, so I'm not driving. T and I have been kicking this around, but as there looms the possibility that I may lose disability money I need to get my butt in gear.