[WinterRose]

Wanted to share an interesting experience. Today in session at one point my T stopped and told me she was trying to deal with some countertransferance that was going on right then. She said she was feeling unempathic, cold, intellectual, arrogant, and disgusted with her feelings - just plain bad when I had been so emotional. She asked, "Does this ring a bell?" And I nodded. I said, "I'm trying to make you me." She asked me to "say more about that." So I told her that this was how I reacted to myself and how I treated myself. It was very interesting to see something like that - it was almost like I was split and I was the emotional part of me and T got to be the intellectual part of me for a little bit. Wow. It was very revealing - it made something I already knew become illustrated in a new context and it really was an eye-opener for her, too. I guess I was pushing T to repeat what I expect as a reaction while at the same time wanting something different. It was different all right - not what I wanted, but different and revealing.

[Fuzzybear]

Very interesting. thanks for sharing this! (((((((((((((( WinterRose )))))))))))))))

[FloweringHope]

Please explain all this - what does it mean??????

[MissCharlotte]

((Winter))

Thank you for sharing this. Very interesting.

[WinterRose]

Hi SleepingSacredRose - I'm just barely getting what transference and countertransference is. It has to do with the emotions you and your therapist experience. I found this definition which I thought was good.

Countertransference is sometimes defined as the entire body of feelings that the therapist has toward the patient, and also includes cases where the therapist literally takes on the suffering of his/her patient. Countertransference is related to the psychoanalytic concept of projective identification, a defense mechanism in which the client projects onto and induces their own inner experience within the clinician.

Countertransference is defined in opposition to transference, where a person in therapy begins to transfer feelings (whether positive or negative) to the therapist. For example, the person in therapy may begin to look at the therapist as if the therapist were the patient's mother, transferring their feelings for the real mother to the therapist. This is considered a positive sign in psychoanalytic therapy, showing that the patient is making progress.

[Fuzzybear]

is this the same T that said you made her feel bad before???? I dunno about this. I kinda feel like Ts should not blame their feelings on there clients; however, if you feel it helped you then thats good. maybe im misundeerstanding

[lauren_helene]

I'm not sure I like the wording your T used. It does imply 'blame' and seems very clinical in nature.

My T doesn't use the word countertransference, however, he has mentioned how he feels about things I've assumed about him (like he's trying to get rid of me or he doesn't care about me). He's talked briefly about some of those feelings.

For me, it helps a great deal. How I make him feel both good and bad is important to me and my progress. He focuses more on the good of course.

[WinterRose]

This isn't the same T that blamed feelings on me - that was the pdoc.

This was an interesting experience like seeing myself from the other side of a mirror.

T used the clinical word countertransference because she knows I'm studying psychology and would have an idea of what it meant. It was a shortcut in language so she could get to the point faster with fewer words. I always thought the 'blame' for countertransference was on the therapist not the patient. So I never saw myself as implicated - I really didn't think very far in the area of judgement about the statement.

That's very powerful and a big step in the therapeutic relationship. Isn't it something when our Ts disclose their emotions? T becomes a real person and you begin to see things in a very different light.

[FloweringHope]

So what was happening in my situation/T - re sleeping together?

[Rapunzel]

It sounds like in that case your T acted on his feelings (which might have had to do with countertransferance) in a very inappropriate way. WR's therapist was appropriate in recognizing the feelings and figuring out where they were coming from and how those feelings related to WR. In fact, she helped WR to figure it out and to understand how the same thing happens in other relationships, including her relationship with herself. SSR, your therapist acted out his feelings for his own gratification. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[FloweringHope]

I feel so much guilt (hard to cope with) - is it all my fault?

[OliviaC]

SSR, not it is NOT your fault. This T was criminally at fault for taking advantage of you.

There is no reason for you to take on guilt over it. It is over, and he used you very badly.........In your other thread you had a couple responses, one from me, with links to resources (and I believe a forum here on PC) to help people who have been abused in a supposed "therapeutic" relationship.

Even if you did sleep with him willingly, which I assume you did, he is still 100% at fault for doing the unthinkable - having sex with a patient.

I hope you can move on with your life to positive things. I can certainly understand your hesitancy to seek out another T, but there are ways to find a decent therapist after going through something like this....I hope you do so.

Keep us informed as to what you decide to do; I think doing nothing is not the answer.
(((( SSR ))))

Olivia

[WinterRose]

I am very sorry SleepingSacredRose. I wish those things never happened. OliviaC is right. What your T did was unethical and against the standards and ethics he agreed to when he became a therapist. I don't know the law, but I would assume that he could have his license revoked for what he did. This is why laws, ethic codes, regulations are in place for therapists - because the person getting therapy is so vulnerable and the therapist needs to not take advantage of them or their position in the theraputic relationship. Perhaps you could see a female therapist when you decide to go back. I'm sorry it happened to you.

(((SleepingSacredRose)))

[FloweringHope]

I have decided to undertake treatment, HOW TO i CHOOSE AN ETHICAL T?

PLEASE HELP ME ON THIS!

[WinterRose]

I'm not sure what to say. Most are ethical. Going with a woman would probably be better if I were in your shoes. I'm not sure if there's a way to look them up with the board of behavioral sciences for your state to see if there are any complaints, but worth a try. It's a down side of mental health that you can't ask for recommendations from their other patients. But maybe you could get a referral from a Dr you do trust.

[FloweringHope]

Thanks WinterRose,

Actually, going undertake some NLP (my sister is coming with me - just so I feel a little more comfortable!).

When I had my work related injury, the T I slept with, was recommended by the workforce board - my organisation paid for the consults - mmmmmm! I guess they thought he was good - he did help me in some areas, I do admit - but the sleeping thing was not great (looking back now), messed up my emotions!

I will continue to look for a good T (FEMALE), apart from the NLP sessions!

Thanks for your understanding and insight - I do greatly appreciate!

SSR