[justaghost]

hi..
i'm new here and dealing with (among other things) what i believe to be adult attachment disorder..
i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years.. the last one i saw for nearly 6 years.. and all i am left with is no trust.
i've heard some research/evidence suggests that cognitive therapy does not help those with AD, can in fact harm, due to the trust issue.. i mean, it's like a fake plastic friend lying to you for money.. and the moment the money runs out.. so does the 'friendship'..
what could be more painful?
it has left me without any trust for people anymore..
wonder if anyone else here is dealing with attachment issues from early childhood?
(by that i mean a separation in the first years of life from your mother due to illness or neglect/abuse, adoption or incubator, etc..)
ghost

[sunrise]

hi, justaghost, have all of your therapists provided cognitive therapy? I agree that cognitive therapy is not a good fit for everyone. If you have only had cognitive therapists, can you try something else? My first counselor was cognitive and that approach was not a good fit for me. My current therapist is humanist/psychodynamic/whateverworks and has helped me a lot. I don't know if there is one best approach for adult attachment disorder. When choosing a new therapist, I would ask your candidates specifically if they have experience with that issue.

I'm afraid, though, that whatever approach the therapist takes, when you can no longer pay for his/her professional services, the relationship does end. In that sense, it's the same as going to a doctor, lawyer, accountant, etc. This is how they earn their living. Hard for us to swallow sometimes because of our emotional attachments to our therapists, but good to have an understanding of at the outset.

Good luck.

i have very bad attachment problems too.. So sorry you are dealing with this.

[Perna]

I had/have attachment issues (my mother died when I was a toddler and my stepmother was abusive) but not those specific ones. I found this site very interesting/helpful (and wished I had $6,000 to try it):

http://www.instituteforattachment.or...intensives.htm

[justaghost]

hi sunrise..
my first therapy was psychoanalytic with a very quiet psychologist.. a couple of very prozactive psychiatrists..
..one of the therapists i saw was a jungian..
and i think the last was sort of a mixture of several kinds..
i agree that it's a good idea to bring up the AD issue upfront.. problem was i didn't even find out about AD until after therapy had ended..

i have good insurance.. i just can't bring myself to invest more time, money and myself in another process where i cannot trust the person 'helping' me..
it is all based on someone lying to you for money..
maybe it's called 'unconditional positive regard' ..
or maybe the therapist really believes what they're doing is for your own good.. but it's lying..
and with AD trust is everything..
finding out the lies is only harmful.. not beneficial..
i want help..
but honestly i don't think the pros always know it all when it comes to AD and SI issues.. which are what i'm dealing with.. i've learned so much more from years of reading than i ever did in therapy..

what it comes down to with me is how can you trust someone who will not trust you?
when someone else is sure they know it all and that you don't.. they don't really listen..

ghost

[sunrise]

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justaghost said:
i have good insurance.. i just can't bring myself to invest more time, money and myself in another process where i cannot trust the person 'helping' me..

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So it sounds like you do not want to return to therapy? I think an essential ingredient of successful therapy is that the person be there because they want to. Otherwise, there is no motivation to work and heal.

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when someone else is sure they know it all and that you don't.. they don't really listen..

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I am sorry you have been with "know it all" therapists. I can see that would be very offputting. For many therapists, therapy is a joint endeavor. It is a journey. They listen to you about where you need to go in order to heal. They do not choose the course--the client does. They accompany you on your journey and provide support and guidance. I am so sorry that therapy has not been like this for you.

Trust: for me it was difficult, but in therapy, it just comes in baby steps. You take little risks, see that the therapist responds in a helpful way that does not abuse your trust, and little by little, you build up a strong bond and trust between you, and are able to share even more. It doesn't all happen overnight. Past negative experiences with therapists can indeed stand in the way of forming healthy bonds with new therapists. That is something that can be explored in therapy too.

[justaghost]

sunrise..
yes, i'm afraid at this point i've given up on the idea that therapy will help me..
( i used to be a big believer though.. )

i went into it the last time hopeful.. and during that first hopeful period it did indeed help me to make some changes in my life that were very worthwhile.. but then further testing of the waters proved that i could not trust the person.. this just continued despite all my hope.. until at the end i just felt so backed into a corner.. if i step to the left and talk about one subject, si for example, i am pressed into more drugs.. if i step the other way there's another not very helpful generalization.. i think my therapist honestly just did not know how to help me.. gave up listening/trying.. had to be 'right'.. i dunno..?

thanks for listening..
ghost

p.s.
hi to perna and esthersvirtue!
do you find that there's alot of help available for children with AD/RAD.. but little for adults? that's what i encounter..
and too much bunching AD in as all BPD..

Hey... I'm actually too tired to write anything sensible right now, but I just wanted to say hello, welcome to PC, and you have a fellow Elliott Smith-lover right here.

[justaghost]

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pinksoil said:
Hey... I'm actually too tired to write anything sensible right now, but I just wanted to say hello, welcome to PC, and you have a fellow Elliott Smith-lover right here.

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all right!
xo
ghost