[Cleo6]

I want to text t and tell her I quit I've had enough of it I keep thinking of the stuff she was calling me and wonder why I'm bothering with her I can get insulted from my family I don't need it from her aswell. She obviously doesn't get me so what's the point. I use to really like her but my judgement is always wrong so maybe I'm wrong about her aswel she obviously doesn't like me I'm just a job to her she wouldn't care if I didn't go back. The only thing stopping me is cos I'm scared of having no one there I need someone to talk to about stuff that I can't in real life. I'm scared of texting her and her saying ok as it proves that I'm nothing to her and that it's true that I'm bad and gross. All this just hurts I don't know what to do

[Sarmas]

You sound just like me. Those were exactly my words 6 months ago. I'll tell you how that went. I texted her telling her canceling and then I emailed her telling her that I was quitting. She just say "good luck". I was hoping for her to be concerned and talk me into staying and so she didn't. I felt like abandoned me and that she didn't care. I said exactly what you said that its just a job to her. I left and I was miserable for
6 months. I missed her and my session and I had no one to speak to and no one to vent to. All of that time that I thought I wasted in my session talking I realized was really helpful. I was afraid of coming back and though I didn't get my "spot" back that I had for 4 years she did take me back. She told me that she was grateful that I came back. That made me think then that I was wrong. I wasn't just a paycheck to her. I actually was a person that somehow occupied some type of space in her world. What that space is I don't know and I don't want to ask.
I would touch base with her and communicate in some type of fashion and tell her exactly what you feel. You're obviously there for a reason and you feel the need to be there. So leaving might not be the best thing to do. Perhaps there's a miscommunication or misinterpretation. Give it a chance and find out. What do you have to lose? Tell her your fears.

[Out There]

This also sounds like me back in October last year. I nearly terminated with both my T's but went and talked to them both about it ( a lot of trauma had been triggered ). It went well with both of them and I'm now in a much better place. One said to me " You have so much trauma - please come in so we can work on this ". That was HUGE. Good advice from Sarmas I think. I also hope you will talk to your T about this. It's painful but can be healing. I know I'm in a much better place now.

[Cleo6]

I don't know if I can go back. She said I was deceiving as I don't say anything to my family when they put me down but I can't cos it doesn't work it makes things worse as my mum then goes into victim mood and sulks for ages and it makes the situation worse and it's not fair on my kids. Also I've always for as long as I can remember is to be put down by them it's not easy to defend yourself, she also said that I like to moan about my mum

[Out There]

I'm sorry Cleo , that doesn't sound good. Do you have options to try another T who might have a better understanding of this ?

[kecanoe]

If t was being mean, then There is no way you should go back.

Not saying this is true for you, but for me, sometimes T will say something that is no big deal to them, but strikes me as a big deal. For example she might say "that's your dependency" when I am struggling. For her, it is a fact. For me, it feels shameful. I know when I was first accepting that I was an alcoholic, I would be hurt/offended when someone in AA called us all drunks. Obviously only you know if t was saying something like that, where no offense was intended or if t was being a jerk.

You sound very hurt, would it be a bad thing to sleep on it, to postpone making the decision for a day or two? Or, if this t doesn't get you, could you do a little research into finding another t?

[Cleo6]

I could find another one I've been looking into the options but I've been seeing her for over a year and it took me so long to feel like I could tell her about the abuse I don't know if I have it in me to start again. I'm not seeing her for 3 weeks due to half term and I only see her fortnightly. I don't know I talk about my mum a lot so she might not of meant that how I took it but I'm not sure about the deceiving comment. We've talked about stuff she's commented on in the past as i work in care and I was talking about a particular part of it that she doesn't like that isn't very nice then one week she said about my job being gross so I brought it up at the next session and she apologised and said about the way I read into stuff and she would needs to be careful about what she says

[Sarmas]

It sounds like you've invested time with her and being that you're able to be open I would try and explain how certain comments are hurtful or bothersome. I agree with kecanoe. Sometimes Ts say things and they don't mean it the way we interpret it. I've made that mistake beforehand. I would definitely clear it up with her in order to make you aware. Then If she continues I could understand changing Ts.