[OliverB]

He just doesn't know how to do it and keeps repeting he wants to talk with me and not only giving me meds (he is both my psychiatrist and therapist).

I was neglect and abuse since I was born, never attached to my parents or anyone. Never had a friend, I am more like a wild animal than a human.

What can I do to help him to understand my situation? Is there any paper, book, whatever?

Note: I can't have another therapist, I tried thorugh a referral and It didn't work. He is the only psychotherapist available in my area through the public health system.

[iheartjacques]

Is it worth a try?

[lucozader]

Sorry you're struggling so much Oliver.

Have you told him all the things you've written here? If not perhaps you could show him this post?

There might be books or papers that would help him understand - I can't tell you which ones they are since it would be personal to you. If you read something that you feel speaks to you about your feelings and experiences then definitely share it with him.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

Is it worth a try?

I think he wants tohelp me but doesn't know how.

I guess if I gave himsomething that could help him understand what is going on he would read it.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by lucozader

Sorry you're struggling so much Oliver.

Have you told him all the things you've written here? If not perhaps you could show him this post?

There might be books or papers that would help him understand - I can't tell you which ones they are since it would be personal to you. If you read something that you feel speaks to you about your feelings and experiences then definitely share it with him.

I have told him and he just said he must not be the best therapist for me, but he tried.

I am just looking for a book about treating severe early trauma and unability to attach, or a paper, or anything...

Oliver, I'll have to dig through my library, but there are books on complex trauma and dissociative disorders for clinicians and I think some self help books too.

I'm sorry I can't remember more.

There's a book "Not trauma alone: therapy of child abuse survivors in family and social context" with a chapter called Acquiring Tools for Daily Living: The structure of the therapeutic process".

"Living With Terror, Working with Trauma' is another book for therapists.

"Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and dissociative disorders"

"Coping with trauma related dissociation: skills training for patients and therapists"

I bought them from a website called ebook.farm which sells cheaper than Amazon.

[satsuma]

I would say to search for a psychologist with a senior position (in my country someone with a senior NHS post) who specialises in the things you need help with. I know you said you don't have a choice of who to see because it's in the public health system. I guess then if you do find someone who is a specialist in the things you need, you could a) approach them to find out if there is any chance they can see you. For example, do they do any private work pro bono. Or would they be prepared to see you once for an assessment and then consult with your regular T, to give them some input or guidance. And/or b), you could take this issue to your regular T, and ask if they would be prepared to make contact with the specialist to see if they could see you both to give some input, or perhaps advise your regular T.

I know that some people have very good Ts who are not necessarily in senior positions, btw. I'm just saying that's what I would do, and that was the approach I took when I found my brilliant T - except that I was fortunate enough to be able to pay privately.

[Daisy Dead Petals]

I have many of the same issues. I find this book helpful for dealing with trauma and attachment difficulties in therapy:

Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship https://www.amazon.com/dp/1583944893..._WHIQybJEVK8QV

[Luce]

Oliver, if he doesn't know how to help you then he won't, hun. You truly need a therapist who really understands complex trauma. we too have had extensive complex traumas throughout childhood and working with people from these backgrounds really is just so very, very complex that is requires a specialist approach. there are so many triggers and multiple attachment issues going on that it takes someone with a really solid understanding of those issues to not do harm. i really want to highlight that last part, because a therapist who doesn't get the severity of complex developmental traumas will not understand the neurology, the intricate defenses, or the danger signs of working with people from these backgrounds.

I hear you say you can't find another T. I still say 'find a way'.
Like you I got out as soon as I could and got myself into therapy. Its now like 3 years later and I have only just discovered the benefit of a therapist who understands developmental trauma. I urge you to find a similar therapist as soon as you are able. It may not be 'now'. But when you can, okay?

I really agree with Luce. Your T must solidly understand complex trauma in order to not do harm inadvertently or unintentionally. This is really important.

[Ididitmyway]

I highly recommend you to check out this website SOMATIC TRAUMA THERAPY It has many good videos explaining trauma and ways of dealing with it in very simple, down-to-earth language. The book "The Body Remembers" by Barbara Rothschild featured on the website is a very good resource on how to cope with traumatic symptoms on a daily basis. I believe, the principles that are outlined there could be applied to any level of trauma.

I wouldn't recommend to set up such a huge goal for yourself as to develop your ability to form attachments. Not at this time. At the moment I would recommend to set up a smaller and more realistic goal of learning how to adequately manage your symptoms on a daily basis through practicing methods suggested in the sources that were recommended to you and the ones you find on your own. Feel yourself completely free to experiment and to find what works for you and what doesn't through experimentation. Don't follow any method blindly. If something doesn't work for you, discard it and move on to something else. Most importantly, take a lighthearted approach to any personal work you are doing. Look at it as an interesting adventure of getting to know yourself and have fun with it as much as you can. Because if you choose to see it as a great challenge that must be overcome and as some serious business you are obligated to finish, you'd bring a lot of heaviness into your recovery process, which paradoxically would become an obstacle rather than motivation and would create an unconscious resistance to learning new ways of being and functioning.

The tricky thing about healing trauma is that the process cannot be forced. It has to go in accordance with how far your body would allow it to go at each given moment. It's ok if some new things you try feel a little uncomfortable, but don't push yourself to a point where they would make you very anxious or frightened. The entire process has to feel safe enough to be effective. This is the major principle of healing trauma.

I have no joy in telling you that you'd probably have to do a lot of work on your own without professional help. Not because that's how I believe it should be done. On a contrary, I believe, people need a lot of professional assistance when they try to heal their trauma. The unfortunate reality though is that the qualified trauma recovery services at this time are virtually non-existent. Professional training, as it is now, doesn't equip therapists with the required knowledge and skills to work effectively with trauma. Most of the methods taught aren't based in solid science, but, to be fair, the current research is still insufficient..

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Luce

Its now like 3 years later and I have only just discovered the benefit of a therapist who understands developmental trauma. ?

Erm, I mean like 25 years later.

[OliverB]

Thank you all for anserwing, I couldn't read you all yet, but I will do and answer.

For now it is not possible for me to find another therapist since he is the only one through the public health system, but he seems willing to understand and learn from whatever I give him, even books.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Luce

a therapist who doesn't get the severity of complex developmental traumas will not understand the neurology, the intricate defenses, or the danger signs of working with people from these backgrounds.

Someone's gonna have to explain to me how a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist emerges from training without a firm grasp on developmental issues and traumas. And then the client has the burden of educating them? OMG.

For the OP, this article is pretty interesting, though I have problems with some of it:
"Rage, Shame, and the Death of Love"
Bill Cloke Phd
http://www.billcloke.com/writing-sam...s/#development

"The child who experiences empathy identifies with these kinds of encounters and continues these behavior patterns with significant others in adulthood. However, if his parents failed to make an empathic attachment, or instead made rageful connections, he will yearn for empathic attachments but will lack the ability to achieve them."