Why didn't you leave?

If you have ever seriously thought about leaving therapy or a specific therapist, but you did not do so, why didn't you?

I'm sure the poll doesn't cover every possible option. I've just put the motives that come up frequently around here. And "other."

I can't see the poll on my phone but i haven't left yet cuz i just plain like talking with my t these days. I need to leave though. I want to spend that money on other things now.

A couple of times I've thought about leaving therapy altogether because I wasn't getting anything out of it, but then i realized that my therapist and I didn't click. This has happened twice in a row now.

My new therapist and I click pretty well, and I have no intentions of leaving her now, but if it turns out we ultimately don't click, then I'll find a new therapist.

I used to mix up "therapist doesn't click" with "therapy is useless", but like I said, I've learned.

Of course that's not the same for everyone, but that's my case

I stayed way too long with the first T I saw. I voted for 'thought I was the problem not T', but I would also say naivete/ignorance regarding therapy, therapy styles, the importance of personality fit, what I ought to expect etc etc. For me just having someone I could talk to about my psychological state was a MASSIVE relief and the said T did assist in keeping me alive, if not in helping me recover.

Yeah, kinda like snowqueen, i would say almost all of the above, and im probably just in denial about the ones i think dont apply. Im answering this in regard to my first long term t. Im not leaving current t until one of us dies or he kicks me out.

Other. I did leave both of my therapists when I seriously thought of leaving despite their trying to change my mind

That's part of my ish. Every time I've tried to leave in the past she's convinced me to change my mind. So, yeah she was totally right the first time. We'll see what she says now. I really am feeling ready lately.

Attachment

This is interesting - I've gone for not thinking straight. I nearly terminated them both back in October when my trauma got triggered really badly. But , they both did the thing I don't usually get and responded appropriately and maturely to what had happened and the part they played in it. And much fruit came from this as I found out it CAN be done , I DESERVED that sort of consideration and respect , it wasn't me and there's something wrong with all the people who didn't do it. When a T doesn't do this ( and we have seen HOW many times that some of them don't ? - then the client can feel the joke is on them and therapy is a joke. There is a positive side to the joker ( or the fool as he is in Tarot ) so I'm glad I didn't terminate and I'm happy with where my therapy is going with them both and I have used the jokers from a card deck during some work with regular T.

Just something odd - I think when I have experienced intense transfer issues with a T, my sense was that I DESPERATELY needed him. In fact - that was the way the transference manifested. So I can't even imagine thinking that I don't need someone, or that they aren't helping me, but STILL experience transference with them.

When I moved here and was having a hard time finding the kind of t I wanted, I considered stopping for awhile. But I really do want someone in my life I can reasonably depend on and lean on. It may not be perfect or permanent but it is teaching me that I can make new attachments to people then leave on good terms too.

Unresolved attachment/transference
No other support in my life
Kept thinking things would improve
Thought it was me who was the problem, not therapy/the therapist
Wasn't thinking straight
Other - trauma bonded to the therapist

Probably lots more. I did eventually leave the therapist.

As inadequate and off base as the first one is - I despised her less than the others I interviewed except for the second one I see - and I simply never ended up choosing between them - they each had something the other did not.

With the last one, I thought it was me that was the problem, not her. And I think she thought it was me who was the problem, too, and that was a big part of the problem that was hers, the judgmentalism, a characteristic of her personality that wasn't so obvious to me, plus I wasn't looking for it, expecting her to be non-judgmental as part of her job.

Only I was in therapy to find out and fix my problems, so from that standpoint my problem WAS her problem, too. Or that's what I thought I was paying her for, in part at least.

It turned out that the problem I needed to fix was to be able to tell when it really was the other person's problem, not mine. But I paid far too much money for that lesson, I think. Should'a/could'a left 6 months earlier or more. Rupture without repair and I feel ripped off and stupid, despite the good headway I/we made for 5 years or so.

As you mentioned on another thread -- I also think that "ego strength" would be a good "goal" as one approaches the ending of long-term therapy. How one goes about attaining that rather than just dealing with the things that bring a person down -- I don't have a clue. Not sure my last therapist did either. :-(

Other (Former T) -- I didn't think I was a remotely complicated case for her given her experience and training and so, just couldn't believe that things could get so weird.

So, I guess that's a bit like 'Thought it was me that was the problem' but with someone with lesser training / pedigree, I would've walked out within the first month or so.

Passivity, mostly. It's much easier to maintain the status quo than to make a change. I don't regret not leaving, though.

With P (previous counsellor) I thought things would improve...instead, they just deteriorated. I don't know when I will finish my work with R.

I left therapists in the past without struggle.

With this therapist, the thought of leaving felt traumatic, like it was repeating the relationship with my mother-erasing my feelings about her from my mind. Of course, I don't remember that even from the past. I don't remember having an attachment with my mother, so the detachment must have happened when I was really young, if it ever even existed. So the traumatic feelings didn't have words. That made it even more difficult to process, make a decision on. I think it's really difficult to make a decision if you can't assign descriptive words/concepts to events or situations.

It turns out I'm really glad i didn't leave this therapist when we had that huge rupture, as i am very happy with him.

ps answered unresolved attachment as that seems to fit best