[TishaBuv]

I'm going to get to the truth about myself now. Seeing a psychiatrist today who I saw once 7 years ago. It's been a long, futile road, and I am just totally confused now as to if I am MI, what is my illness, and what to do now with my life.

I am in so much pain now. I need help. I need someone on my side.

Either she will diagnose and medicate me into staying in my miserable marriage, and therapy and meds will teach me to cope. Or she will support me and help me work with my lawyer to go through with a divorce and leave, helping me set up a life as a single woman, and learn how to live independently.

I'm terrified.

Hi!

Sorry you're struggling so much

Please do let us know how your psychiatrist visit goes. I can only imagine how hard and frustrating that must be.

I think you should stand up for yourself and tell your pdoc exactly the concerns you wrote here. Tell her that you need help and exactly what kind of help you're looking for. I know in my experience that pdocs try really hard to understand what someone is going through and what kind of help they may need, but they don't always know what kind of help their client needs unless the client speaks up.

I hope you can be upfront and honest with your pdoc. Good luck

[here today]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

. . .
I am in so much pain now. I need help. I need someone on my side.
. . .

So glad to hear you're going to try to find that. And if she's not one who can do that, keep looking.

It's just a cyber-acquaintanceship, but I'm on your side. From the posts I've read from you, you've been searching and struggling and trying your best for a long time now. So sorry life is so tough for you right now.

[TishaBuv]

In the one hour appt, I said as much as I could about the whole situation and what I want to achieve; which is whether I am ill and need therapy and meds to cope or if I can get support to get out of this and move on.

Looking through her notes from my one visit 7 years ago, she said I had 'emotional disregulation' or something like that.

When I told her other docs had diagnosed MDD and PTSD, she made a doubtful face and asked me what the PTSD was from. I gave her my dispassionate 'spiel' about my father's death, and told her that is what I told the psy when he said I have PTSD. And I told her that I didn't even think I had it from that. I said I really have it now from this struggle with my h. I told her how I developed SH out of such never-ending frustrating futility and his making promises he can't keep. She said "that sounds Borderline".

I said I'd come back every day to see her to get to the bottom of this. She said there is no getting to the bottom of this. And she said she's see me in 3-4 weeks! So, I made an appt for 3 weeks, wondering why she did that and what it meant.

I told her we see a marriage t together. She asked if he could call her to discuss. I said yes, and emailed him her info.

Then I drove home crying and stuffed Burger King down my throat, feeling horrible and broken, hoping it just gives me a heart attack and kills me.

[TishaBuv]

I'm perplexed why she said she'd see me in 3-4 weeks. Is it because she sees no pressing need? Is it because of insurance billing? I'm tempted to email her and ask, but I'm scared.

[Demunie]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I said I'd come back every day to see her to get to the bottom of this. She said there is no getting to the bottom of this. And she said she's see me in 3-4 weeks! So, I made an appt for 3 weeks, wondering why she did that and what it meant.

Wow, 3 weeks is an awful long time, especially if you're hurting so much... Maybe she doesn't have an opening sooner?
I don't know, how well do you know her? Maybe it would be worth looking into another T? You wrote that she's a psychiatrist, does she do therapy or just meds?

[kecanoe]

That sounds spectacularly unhelpful.

Does your marriage t give any feedback on the relationship? Like does t think it can be fixed with some skill teaching? have you asked t if they think you would benefit from your own t?

From the sounds of it, you may benefit from having your own t no matter which way your marriage goes. Or, if there is an addiction involved, 12 step groups have helped my marriage a lot. Sounds like you need support no matter what you decide. I hope you can find some.

[TishaBuv]

What am I supposed to do for the next three weeks?

[kecanoe]

Did the pdoc prescribe anything?

[thesnowqueen]

Did she prescribe any meds because it could take 3-4 weeks for those to kick in. While it is helpful to see a therapist more often than that, it may not help to see a psychiatrist more often due to the time it takes to assess medication.

I think emotional dysregulation is the basis of most mental suffering and illness. It basically means being overwhelmed by the intensity of emotional pain and not having the tools, techniques and coping methods to lower this pain. All the other diagnoses are speculative and throw-away. (No offense to others who have found these terms helpful - )

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What am I supposed to do for the next three weeks?

Be mindful. Live as you would if you were single.

[iheartjacques]

I remember T initially not wanting me to make a decision re my marriage for a while. Maybe he wanted to see if it was me or my depression etc. but I think after a while it became apparent that husband was hurting me and I needed to get out. But had to have the courage to do it. I wish you all the very best. I'm now 13 months out of that marriage and doing a lot better!