I think this could be a fun and useful thread, but I am looking for serious answers.

Basically, I'm relatively new to therapy compared to a lot of you guys. I feel that maybe I'm not making the most out of my time during therapeutic sessions. I mean, I used to go to sessions and babble about my day, until I realized what I was doing and realized that I wasn't getting anything useful out of it. I wasn't asking the right questions or wasn't asking questions at all. Didn't get much support either.

What is your best piece of advice when it comes to therapy?

[atisketatasket]

If something doesn't feel right...listen to yourself.

[Argonautomobile]

While I by no means consider myself an expert, this is what I'd tell myself if I could go back in time:

Be honest.

That said, I don't think there's any "wrong" way to do therapy.

[stopdog]

Don't bet more than you are willing to lose

[Favorite Jeans]

When you go in and babble about your day, try to notice what feels worthwhile, what feels scary, what feels like chitchat etc. Often a fairly mundane topic contains within it the issue you need to work on. The trick is to make space for the piece that is important. The clue that it's important is that you have intense feelings attached to it.

For example, I once had therapy shortly after a work meeting where somebody yelled, left and slammed the door. I brought it up in therapy because it had just happened and I was shaken. But in that story was a thread of a recurring problem I have where I feel terrorized and immobilized by the anger of others, where I think it's my job to make peace and take care of everyone's feelings, where I'll do things that make me uncomfortable because the prospect of awkwardness seems unbearable etc.

The person who was in the meeting is a totally peripheral figure in my life, but the way I felt about the incident touched on huge core issues. There can be a lot of material in a small anecdote because (generally) how you do anything is how you do everything.

[precaryous]

Make sure they have malpractice insurance.

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I think this could be a fun and useful thread, but I am looking for serious answers.

Basically, I'm relatively new to therapy compared to a lot of you guys. I feel that maybe I'm not making the most out of my time during therapeutic sessions. I mean, I used to go to sessions and babble about my day, until I realized what I was doing and realized that I wasn't getting anything useful out of it. I wasn't asking the right questions or wasn't asking questions at all. Didn't get much support either.

What is your best piece of advice when it comes to therapy?

My best advice is to be honest. It's impossible for the T to help someone who lies to them. On the other hand, it's OK not to disclose things until you're ready but definitely don't outright lie about anything. It's fine to say, "I'm not ready to talk about that..."

Hope that helps

[InnerPeace111]

My best advice is to enjoy the journey!

be honest.
dont try playing mind games with your therapist.
dont expect them to read your mind.
if you need something, speak up.
dont get mad at them when they cant read your mind or thoughts when you didnt speak up.
dont whine about going to therapy if you hate it or dont like it and no one is making you go. if you dont like it, quit, and stop comppaining.

[annielovesbacon]

My best advice is that your T only knows as much as you tell them. Yes, they often can read between the lines or pick up on body language, but for the most part, if you choose to lie or hide things from them, they won't be able to help you in that regard.
In my case, I lied to my T for months about feeling suicidal because I was afraid to tell her. But if I had just told her from the beginning, she could've helped me right away and I probably wouldn't have felt so bad for so long -- and she could have kept me safe if I needed it. She also didn't realize how bad off I was, because I was hiding it from her. It was hard for her to help me without knowing the seriousness of my situation.

Never forget that the real work of therapy happens outside your sessions. Unless you use and apply your insights and skills out in your real life, you can just sit and spin your wheels in sessions for a very, very long time.

[unaluna]

Listen to that little voice in your head, and tell your t what its saying. Even if you say it as, "this little voice in my head is telling me that..." Okay, i am assuming the little voice is saying something like, "this is what is going on", not stuff like "i know the best words" or whatever....

There is a lot of wisdom here.

[Merecat]

The relationship is important, but if the relationship is hard work and you're spending more time talking about it and trying to fix it than you do talking about yourself, there's something wrong.

Being attached to your therapist doesn't mean you can't leave, you're not a tree.

[20oney]

Be open. And if that is not totally possible, be honest about being closed.
Trust that the therapist is there to help you and be there for you!!

[satsuma]

My advice is to be clear about the goals of therapy, and often discuss - between you and T - how you are doing in relation to those goals and how the therapy is going for you.

Do the right therapy.

[growlycat]

The relationship with t IS part of the work. The relationship can be a microcosm of other relationships in your life. It can be healthy practice for getting what you need in other relationships. Also, ruptures can lead to greater self understanding and when resolved can lead to a tighter bond with t.

[stopdog]

Do it your own way and don't worry about what everyone else is saying about how to do therapy. Also, the client does not owe the therapist anything other than the fee. For me I've never found that trusting the therapist was all that great of a plan, that fights with the therapist lead to any thing other than knowing that the therapist sucked at some things, that the therapist cared and so forth. For me none of those things matter

[skeksi]

Tell your T the truth about your thoughts and feelings.

[SarahSweden]

Good post. I think my best advice is to follow your inner conviction when it comes to therapy and the therapeutic relationship. If you don´t feel at ease and comfortable with the T, no matter why, I would recommend to seek another T or to seek someone to talk to in general instead of staying with a T you don´t feel can help you or who cares enough.

I also think that being without therapy is better than seeing a T that can´t help you reach your goals or who you often feel disappointed about.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I think this could be a fun and useful thread, but I am looking for serious answers.

Basically, I'm relatively new to therapy compared to a lot of you guys. I feel that maybe I'm not making the most out of my time during therapeutic sessions. I mean, I used to go to sessions and babble about my day, until I realized what I was doing and realized that I wasn't getting anything useful out of it. I wasn't asking the right questions or wasn't asking questions at all. Didn't get much support either.

What is your best piece of advice when it comes to therapy?

This is a really nice thread. I don't think I've seen one like this here.

These are a nice compilation of suggestions. Here are mine:

• make sure the therapist you are seeing has done their own depth therapy
  
• tell them about your issues at the 1st or 2nd session to make sure they are safe enough to do therapy with (don't spill out everything, just tell them in a general sense f you have attachment issues, sui thoughts, hospitalizations, anger problems, addiction, etc)
  
• start therapy at as young of an age as possible

Surprised at some of these posts. It never occurred to me that being honest or trying to be open had to be explicitly stated. I just assumed it was something people did or set out to do due to the nature of seeking therapy.

[stopchewinggum]

Honestly, think about your upcoming sessions before you go. Get a notebook. As you experience the time between sessions write down what was troubling. You may see some themes. For example, maybe you noticed you were struggling at event x and event y, and then after thinking/writing you realized those were social situations. You then, following this example, explain the situations and your suspected theme to your T.

[Liberada]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

My best advice is that your T only knows as much as you tell them. Yes, they often can read between the lines or pick up on body language, but for the most part, if you choose to lie or hide things from them, they won't be able to help you in that regard.
In my case, I lied to my T for months about feeling suicidal because I was afraid to tell her. But if I had just told her from the beginning, she could've helped me right away and I probably wouldn't have felt so bad for so long -- and she could have kept me safe if I needed it. She also didn't realize how bad off I was, because I was hiding it from her. It was hard for her to help me without knowing the seriousness of my situation.

Yep. I've kept stuff from my pdoc out of fear or shame. Once I was brave enough to be honest he was so supportive and comforting. Been with him for 10yrs and usually only see him for refills.
Have had 3 tdocs. #1 was all about her damn Disney trips. She knew I wasn't being real but she let me come in twice a week anyway. Gotta make that dolla! #2 wanted me to do all the talking and when I was honest she didn't seem (to me) to know how to reply. #3 is awesome. The first thing he said to me was that he didn't play head games. He didn't want to waste my time with bs. So I see him only when needed. Not on a schedule. And when I do see him we put it all on the table. Discuss as much as we can and if more appts are needed, so be it.
Also, he digs. He asks questions. The others didn't.

[thesnowqueen]

This has already been said in various ways by others, but I will repeat. DO NOT 'SETTLE'. If your T seems authoritarian, or not as intelligent as you would like, or lacking in some other important quality, look for another.