[purplemoon]

I don't know where else to post this. this is the forum that I come to when I come here. I know I come and go - I'm sorry.

((((((((((purple moon)))))))) I'm so sorry you are hurting right now. Feel free to talk to us. you are welcome here any time.

[sunrise]

purple, I am glad you came here and consider this forum a safe place to share and post.

Purple, it's good to see you back. Can you tell us why you are hurting?

[bipolar_bear]

I am glad that you feel safe enough to come here and post. Please post as much/little as you like.

BB

[pegasus]

Safe hugs to you. (((((((((( purplemoon )))))))))))

[purplemoon]

Thank you guys so much for welcoming me back. I appreciate it. I think I hurt because of T. It is probably where I need to be but it sucks!!! and we really haven't talked about much or looked at much. Sometimes I don't know if I will be able to do this. We shall see. My next appt is Monday and I want to cancel. Haven't yet thought about canceling before but never had the urge so strongly. Make it all go away.

Sometimes I wish I was "strong enough" to cancel but in actuality I know that it takes a much stronger person to go and face what therapy holds.

It reminds me of the other day when I brought my car in for inspection. The mechanic was being all ridiculous and flirty and he said, "Now is my favorite part-- I get to ask for your number... and I can't get turned down because I have your car." And I looked at him and said dramatically, "Yes you're right. I can't turn you down. I'd only be hurting myself."

That's how I feel about T. Like he has something of mine and I have no choice but to go back. Sometimes I want to cancel as a way to say "%#@&#! you, " a way to hurt him. But of course, I'd only be hurting me.

[purplemoon]

Pink -

It does take a much stronger person to face therapy. You are so right. It takes every ounce of strength that you hold sometimes.

Let me tell you this - I don't want to be strong, I am tired of being strong, and if I hear one more time how strong or tough I am from another person I am going to punch them!!! (This has nothing to do with you Pink so please don't take it that way). I wouldn't because I don't ever ever get angry, just smile and say wonderful...

Anyhow I would like to be taken care of. I want someone anyone to just come and take this for a while. I want a break. I don't want to feel, I don't want to deal, I don't want to be responsible! I want a break - there is no break in sight and there have been no breaks in the past. When when does this hell end?

[pegasus]

(((((((( purplemoon )))))))) Hang in there, rather than cancel the appointment, let your T know how much you are struggling and maybe T will slow things down a bit or give you some coping strats to help.