[MissCharlotte]

Okay, I know you guys now believe I am truly nuts but.......

I got to T's parking lot about an hour ahead of schedule, not that I was anxious to see him or anything. I sat in my car for a while and then went upstairs, whiled away a few minutes in the bathroom and went inside to sit. Another woman came in. HE had double booked. (LOL). I chatted with her and she was rather nice. When he came out he sent her packing.

When I walked into his room, all my fears and all my anxiety just melted away. I sat down, our eyes met and I said, "I'm glad you're back." It was a really good session. Together, we made sense of the phone calls. He was right there with me. I let go of the shame. There was some anxiety but we talked through it. I left feeling good about myself, about him and about the relationship.

If he ever goes on vacation again, I'll have to kill him.

Thank you friends for all of your support.

[Nikki2000]

Sister, that is wonderful... i am so happy for you...

[lauren_helene]

Aw, good for you! One time I thought my T double booked. This guy came at the same time I did around 4:45.

T said to him 'you know that you are 5:30 right?' the guy said 'yeah I know I was just planning for traffic'. I felt bad for the guy because I thought maybe he should go before me?

T didn't look too happy so I didn't suggest it. I'm glad it worked out for you.

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sister said:
Another woman came in. HE had double booked. (LOL). I chatted with her and she was rather nice. When he came out he sent her packing.

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If that ever happened to me, I'd send her packin' long before T would even come out to notice her sitting there.

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When I walked into his room, all my fears and all my anxiety just melted away. I sat down, our eyes met and I said, "I'm glad you're back." It was a really good session. Together, we made sense of the phone calls. He was right there with me. I let go of the shame. There was some anxiety but we talked through it. I left feeling good about myself, about him and about the relationship.

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Beautiful. So glad for you. How are you feeling in general now?

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If he ever goes on vacation again, I'll have to kill him.

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Yeah, really. I think you learned enough. Don't need to test it out again.

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Thank you friends for all of your support.

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Always.

One time I had a 9am appointment. I had just slid in T's door as another girl came and sat down. I thought she was for the other office next to T's and didn't give it much thought. When I came out she was still there... I heard her walk in saying "I mixed up appointment times, I thought I was 9am and I'm really at 10am so I sat here for an hour!" It made me kind of upset... I don't like people sitting outside the room when I'm in there pouring my heart out.. Hmm.

[MissCharlotte]

In general I am feeling better and worse than ever.

I had another appointment today. Yes, two days in a row. I called this morning for an extra appointment and he had an availabililty today. The vacation served to bring the relationship to a depth I never expected by bringing up feelings I had buried long ago. Today, I told T another dream and the s x subject came up. And as I am telling T the dream, i realized what it was about, but the cat was out of the bag, so to speak. No need to go into detail but suffice it to say I walked into it blind. Whoa.

I will be seeing him twice a week for a while. Big huge sigh. I cannot believe I had the courage to ask. The work is getting harder. But it's okay, and what I want and need to move forward. (so who am I convincing you or me?) It's like walking through a forest with a blindfold and a guide--so frightening and dependent, something I am not used to (well, the dependent part).

Alrighty then.......

Yay for telling him what you need! Twice per week, that's awesome.

So were you comfortable talking about the sex stuff with him? I pretty much want to die whenever I feel there is even a .32334 percent chance that sex might come up in session.

Actually in our last session, he decided to mention sex like five minutes before the session ended. I was talking about my relationship with my husband and how the inner child often interferes wit my interactions... and T decides to interject something to the effect of "Yeah, so that might even make sex difficult." And I'm like, "Ummmm... yeah.... do you really feel the need to bring that up at this point in the session?" And he said, "Sorry... that was a therapist's doorknob" (Because when a patient brings something important up right at the very end of the session-- as I often do-- it's called the doorknob theory-- drop the bomb, put your hand on the doorknob and get the hell out of there).

I had a dream with T in it a week before he left. I am a firm believer in dream work especially if T shows up in the dream.... I mean, you can't get better material than that. But so far I have held back in telling him because in the dream he was him dating my friend's mom and she just kept telling me that they were soulmates and I was feeling very upset and jealous. So of course I haven't told him yet for fear of sex stuff/erotic transference stuff coming up.

[sunrise]

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I said, "I'm glad you're back."

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Ahhhhh.... sister, that is great your first session back went so well. Yay! And how totally cool you got 2 sessions in 2 days.

I've had the double booking thing happen 3 times. The first time, T sent the other guy packing. The second time, the other woman and I both offered to go away as it turned out neither of us really wanted to be there that day. T told her I was more needy so I stayed. The third time, T asked me very nicely (with charm) if I would cede my spot to the other guy and come back the following day. When he asks me like that, and turns those baby blues on me, I find it hard to say no. It worked out OK.

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I told T another dream and the s x subject came up

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Oddly, in dreams, when there is overt sex, it often isn't about sex, but dreams really about sex can be very symbolic, so you don't even realize at first they are about sex. So I understand what you mean when you say you walked into it blind. Yesterday, in session, I was going to share a dream about sex, but we ran out of time. This dream had more or less overt sexual themes, but in thinking about it, I don't think it was about sex at all, but about power and control and anxiety. Kind of scary. (Luckily, the "partner" in the dream wasn't T, so I don't think I would have had any trouble telling him the dream.)

sister, did you tell your T the bus dream? (Is that the one that was about sex?)

[Perna]

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sister said:
If he ever goes on vacation again, I'll have to kill him.

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Or, if he ever double-books again and sends [/i]you[/i] packing :-)

[MissCharlotte]

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if he ever double-books again and sends you packing :-)

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Oh yeah Perna, no kidding!! I'm just waiting for my turn, my day will come and you will all hear about it!!

[MissCharlotte]

Hey Sunny, PInk,

I've been trying to remember if it was near the end of the session or not, but frankly, the whole thing is a blur. I think he let the session run long but I lost track of time.
It was not the bus dream. I dreamed that T referred me out to another therapist and I was hurt. The guy he referred me to is actually a psychologist with whom I work. This gentleman is a little older and on the horny side. So, as I'm telling T this story I realize it's an erotic transference story and well I just had to keep going with it. Duh!!! So, T says, why would I refer you to him? And I looked at him and said, well I don't know! He laughed.

I told T I think of this guy as a dirty old man and T said, so where's your dirty old man? (He meant where are my sexual feelings...) I just said, he's out of town!! (meaning my husband!!)

Dang!

There was a lot of other stuff but that's the gist of it.

[ECHOES]

(( sister ))

Yeah for twice a week for you!

T and I talked tonight about twice a week, She thinks it would be helpful, but I absolutely can't afford it. So maybe in the future, we said.

I'm so glad for you!