Couch 134 - The Untriquadium Couch

I am determined, determined to master wheel pose in yoga tonight.

Or at least be able to get into some form of it.

Thanks-I have never heard of it.

Take care of that thumb! Im not loaning you my gosling again if youre gonna just be reckless!

Escaping my thoughts by watching ghost whisperer.

Yes be careful atat!

Is jay on? tho i did have a crush on her husband in the series. That JAW, so square!!! Eta - hes like the model for Gaston! Gw isnt on ANYWHERE out here.

Did I mention I was gonna do it balanced on my balcony railing?

The thumb is fine so long as I keep my hand flat on the floor.

Eta: not to get you too het up, una, but I read earlier that someone had 3D-printed Ryan Gosling.

Other perspectives wanted: I said, "Maybe I should take a fitness class," and H said, "Yes, I think it would be good for you to do that." To me, that's patronizing. Like, I interpret it as, "Yes, dear, you should do that [pats me on head]." Part of this is because I work from home, and he keeps saying I need to get out more and be around people (which, again...). So, do you see where that could be seen as patronizing? Because H doesn't, and he's annoyed that I thought that.

Depends on how he said it, doesn't it? Nothing in the words themselves suggests patronizing to me. But his tone of voice might have.

What could he have said that would not have sounded patronizing to you?

If he was like, "If you want to do that, great!" or "If you think that would help, go for it." Basically something that seemed to be more focused on my ability to know what I want/need.

He just generally seems to act superior to me because he has a FT, salaried job, while I work PT freelance from home (but still work probably 30 h a week or more). Like he's said, "I'm the one who pays the mortgage." And has said I need to get out of the house more. (Note: I have tried to apply for jobs outside the house in my new field, but have had little success. So I stepped back from that for a bit because it was so frustrating--like 25 applications, 1 interview.)

So I think when he talks about me getting out of the house more, it feels patronizing and judgmental.

I always have a really hard time telling if someone's being patronizing or if I'm just being prickly. No idea in your case--like ATAT said, tone matters...

I suppose you could ask, but that opens a whole new can of worms.

I'm sorry, LT. I know how that feels.

I find "I'm the one who pays the mortgage" condescending as heck, but for the rest of it...again I'd have to observe. Because he could genuinely think you need to get out more out of concern for you, and express it badly (he does not always seem to have the best communication skills)...or you might be projecting your own feelings of inadequacy onto him. Or a combination of the two.

Sounds like a topic for MC tomorrow? Or has it come up already?

I like driving around in the country roads at night and looking at the lights on in people's homes

I went to my T's game night. I got overwhelmed and freaked out and I left without saying anything

So that's what I went and did...just drive around

I won't be going back to it ...I don't think. I've done that twice now. I feel like a twat

My honest opinion? He expressed himself in a way that he thinks is being supportive of the idea you put forward. What you are looking for by way of reply (above) doesn't even seem related to the topic you presented. I say this only as a way to show that people really do think and process differently.

Also, I'm feeling sensitive right now to being given alternative verbiage for expressing my feelings. It came up when I said something to someone who told me a better way to say it...and I'm thinking, it was enough to get it out there and if they can come up with an alternative statement that says the same thing, then I guess I was successful at communicating.

Anyway, unless he was being snarky in his tone, I'd chalk it up to communication style. If he was supportive, isn't that good?

No it was the other guy, the curly headed one that's kinda loopy. I like her h too because he's always so supportive of her.

As a side note, my h always comments on JLH's boobs when he sees I'm watching that show.

You're probably right that it's communication style. I'm also extra touchy right now. I think partly because I might be in a hypomanic state (going on theory that I'm bipolar II), so that could be playing into it. I seem to get the irritable part of hypomania (along with talking faster), not so much the positive parts of it. And more intense anxiety, though not sure if that's hypomania or the Abilify, which I really think I need to get off of.

Parts of it have come up with MC. (Good memory that it's on Mondays!) I think chances are, it's a combination of the two. Or at the very least, my feelings of inadequacy are coming into play. Like I know I should probably get out more, so it ruffles my feathers more when H brings it up.

The mortgage thing keeps replaying in my head though. It's like, OK, so he makes more than me right now, so does that make him superior? I made more than him when we first got together. And considerably more during a 1-year period there. But I never threw that in his face, either. Think it's definitely something for MC, though I think we already have a lot to talk about tomorrow... So maybe a future session?

Also, I tend to be someone who holds on to what someone says. Like, maybe for H, it was a throwaway comment, and he didn't mean anything offensive by it. But I took it as, he's superior, and I'm lesser in the relationship. And it feels like that's the case not just financially, but in other ways. (Of course, he'd deny that in marriage counseling...)

Hi Everyone

I haven't eaten dinner yet and decided to make some pasta...turns out that I have 3 boxes of pasta with only about 25% left in each box so I thought, "no problem, I can just mix the pasta" and then I looked and one box needs 7 mins, one needs 9 mins, the other needs 11 mins so you can't mix them!! Arghhhhh

I would probably mix the pasta anyway. I look at those time things as rough guidelines not specific mandates. The worst part would be either I would have some pasta that was a tad overdone or some that was a tad underdone. For me, that would not be a big deal.

I don't see where it was patronizing unless he was being sarcastic or said it with a attitude.
Example: I went clothes shopping with my H. I cried hysterical because of how much weight I gained. I said to H "I want to get in the habit of walking every day again. H said: Yes, it will make you feel better.
I did not find that patronizing. But, I don't know the tone in which your H responded to you. Don't let H discount what you do and throw it up in your face that he pays the mortgage. You may do freelance at home but that's still work. You take care of your daughter. You are enough.

I've mixed before with no issues.

I mix pastas together all the time. I like using all different shapes/sizes together.