[granite1]

i just wonder about feeling attached to your T . i dont seem to feel all that attached at all. im not saying i dont think about her or want to talk to her but i just dont feel all that attached at all. i wonder if i did would it be easier to talk to her about the mother and the abuse . i read so much about how people want to be friends with the T and to want the therapist to think about them out of session and things like that.wanting to be there fav client etc... i dont feel any of that stuff at all .i dont know if it because my T is great at boundaries and not fostering any kind of attachment ,or is it me being resistant. i see people here who share everything with the T , they are always thinking about the sessions .i mean sometimes i feel like my T hates me and i get upset but for the most part i try to not create a situation that she hates me . sometimes i fail . i just wonder if attachment would help or hurt . i have been seeing her for about 5 years and have only talked a small hand full of times about the abuse in very general terms .last session we talked about how she had said that maybe it was a goo idea to not talk about it and so on . she said i must have misunderstood her .she felt it would do me good to be able to talk about it but to do it very slowly so i was not retraumatized . but she doesnt understand that i just have no idea how to do this . how to talk about the abuse .maby me not be so attached and trusting of her is the problem but look at how many people get hurt being attached to the T . i dont know .i just know i want to talk to her about my history but ont know how .
rant over

I don't know if having difficulty talking about abuse history really has much to do with not feeling a strong attachment to a therapist. I've always been really comfortable with my therapists, but it still took a LONG time to work through my abuse history. It eked out little snippets at a time over many, many years, and my therapists were okay with that. They said pretty much the same thing your therapist is saying, that for me it was probably safer to do that work small tolerable bits at a time so that the work wasn't retraumatizing. It made for slow work, but in the end it was very successful work. Have patience with yourself. I know at times it can feel like we aren't making progress, but we are.

[velcro003]

Has your T mentioned or have you thought about trying EMDR therapy? It is really great for trauma, and you don't have to talk about it for it to work. This doesn't necessarily mean you need to quit with your T. I saw an eMDR T while I was seeing previous therapy. I have a feeling talking might hurt you more, or at least the thought of it keeps you paralyzed.

I really don't think attachment or non-attachment has much to do w your ability to talk about the abuse. I mean, it isn't good if you are constantly worried she hates you.

I really like my T, and am allowed out of session contact, but I wouldn't say I am super attached to her either.

[luvnola]

I'm not attached (as I define it) to my t of over 8 years. I do trust her though. I don't think the two go together. I trust her because she is consistent (took a few years to learn that), seems knowledgeable, has never deliberately hurt me. It was only after a few years of me testing and her remaining consistent that I was able to talk about my abuse history. When I felt I needed to talk about some aspect but didn't know how, I would tell her that and she was good at helping me speak. I like my t, but I don't think about her, don't want to be her friend.

[ruh roh]

I don't think you have to feel attached, but there does have to be a degree of trust that the therapist is an ally. I've been seeing my therapist for about 2 and half years and we have not gotten into any trauma material. Even just touching on the edges has caused problems, so there is still more work to do around having more ways to cope and calm down and even then it will be very slow. It has taken most of this time to understand that trauma is even playing a role in my symptoms, so it;s only recently that we've even talked about therapy in terms of trauma recovery.

Maybe that's something to keep talking to her about--the "hows" or plans for "hows" of next steps. It's up to her to guide you through this. You can't know on your own.