[goatee]

I really want to act out with my therapist. I emailed her the other day in an emergency and she didn't answer me for two nights. When she finally did answer me, she didn't exactly apologize, just explained why it had taken her so long to respond. (she is fine with my emailing her and knows the extent of the situation I'm facing right now, so it wasn't anything about me – it was just stuff about busyness of her life). So she was completely reasonable but the problem is I'm still feeling very hurt and angry and kind of want to act out now. I want to tell her I'm fine and it doesn't matter anyway. Basically I want to act like a baby. The problem is I'm scared to. I'm scared she'll get upset with me. She's actually very sensitive. But if I don't, it feels like I'm stuffing down my feelings and being fake. I know the answer is just to honestly explain how I'm feeling, but i'm way too scared to do that. So it's either act out like a baby and maybe upset her or stuff down my feelings.

The third option is to bite the bullet and tell her how you feel in spite of the fear. How about printing off this post and handing it to her in session? I've done that before in similar situations.

[junkDNA]

what scares you about being real with her?

[Elio]

Being real to me means acknowledging to t that I want to act like a baby, I want to act out; however, I am not acting out, I am talking to you about how I feel/felt about the situation.

It has been scary when I do this, when I am this honest with her in this way; however, it has been helpful. I have written it out and handed it to her. I have read it to her. And I have verbalized it to her at different times.

They have proven to be useful sessions and helpful - not only to admit the feelings are there but also how torn I am between my feelings and torn between my feelings and my actions.

[Elio]

Oh and I did completely try to act out one time. I was lucky that things didn't work out the way I wanted at the time so the act out was not allowed to happen in the way I wanted it to happen.

what do you hope to get from her if you act out? what do you hope her response will be?

[thesnowqueen]

I think 'acting out' is an infantilising and punitive term. You are aware of responding to upset in a defensive (passive aggressive) manner which is not ultimately productive. Your alternative is suppressing your feelings (same as I do) which is also not productive. Perhaps you can discuss better ways of responding...

Sounds like a need to be more assertive, which many people have

[doogie]

I've found that when I 'act out', I rarely get the response from T I'm looking for and ultimately end up hurting myself. When I stuff down my emotions about T, they just pop up somewhere else over another issue. It is SO HARD to talk about things head on, and I've been in counseling for a long time now and I'm just starting to do it, but it is SO much better. I always try to write it out, so I can be sure I can get my point across exactly as I want to and I also try really hard to make sure I'm being fair and not lashing out. I try to talk about how Ts actions made me feel (make it about my reaction) rather than focusing on what T did or didn't do.

I hope you find a way to talk to your T. I know the feeling of wanting to 'get T back' in some way oh too well. It never ends in a good way....

Good luck.

[dlantern]

Do you forsee a pattern of hurt by therapist? Is it something you can push back and not act out to? Is it totally time to let him/her have it? I would ask, have you acted out before not to say sometime you can discern when people are only doing that for what you done and your the patient this is the best place you can be.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by doogie

I've found that when I 'act out', I rarely get the response from T I'm looking for and ultimately end up hurting myself. When I stuff down my emotions about T, they just pop up somewhere else over another issue. It is SO HARD to talk about things head on, and I've been in counseling for a long time now and I'm just starting to do it, but it is SO much better. I always try to write it out, so I can be sure I can get my point across exactly as I want to and I also try really hard to make sure I'm being fair and not lashing out. I try to talk about how Ts actions made me feel (make it about my reaction) rather than focusing on what T did or didn't do.

I hope you find a way to talk to your T. I know the feeling of wanting to 'get T back' in some way oh too well. It never ends in a good way....

Good luck.

Writing is a good approach. That's what I do. You can do it while calm and describe what you want to do, what reaction you want etc.

I think my T must have a different approach. He's very good at dealing with the acting out when it happens, although I still find it extremely embarrassing. He doesn't react how I'd expect or how I'd want.....does that make sense?