Transference in a poem

As most of you know, I gave all my poems to T. However, we have never really talked about them. Once in awhile a little bit has come up, but I guess I just haven't been ready to really work from that perspective. He has spent a great deal of time reading them, I know that. It seems so silly to have given him all of this valuable material and then not discuss it. I am trying to get ready. I want to start working in terms of my poetry. I have four poems called "The Transference Poems." I am working on a whole series. I wanted to post one.

The Transference Poems: #2

It’s a cognitive hat, you explained.

Disqualification of my ordinary.

I’d rather punch you in the mouth,

but we can only talk about it.

You are required to shut up and tell me the reason.

I can’t remember the last time I licked the inventory.

I love what you've done with the place.

Can I touch the bookshelf?

Idealism works for me. Don’t poke the object.

I dreamt you lost the ring.

If something feels distant, then it can’t be mislabeled.

There are reasons why this can’t be reciprocated.

How many can I knock off under the table?

I pretend to pass the salt.

Can I touch the bookshelf? - my favorite line. Have you brought up the poems or are you waiting for him?

He mostly brings them up.... Like if we are talking to something that's relevant to a part in one of my poems, he might bring it up. There are others that I'm sure he knows, under no circumstances, is he allowed to bring up, lol. The poem I posted here is rather tame in comparison to a lot of my other writing. There is so much to explore in my writing because it is the only time in which I do not hold back. I am completely candid in my poems. That's why it's so hard to explore-- no defenses there. It's just me... wide open.

Pinksoil,

Thank you for sharing your writing! That's an awesome poem -- I know I'm gonna have to reread it several times -- transference is a great subject for poetry!

Okay I didn't really say much here -- not thinking too clearly this evening -- but your writing is fascinating!

Sidony

That's really beautiful, you are a gifted writer.

I am glad he brings them up. It is probably best he brings them up in little bits at a time, much easier to deal with that way. Do you think you will ever be able to bring them up?

Thanks for sharing.
I'm glad you have show these to your therapist, and I'm glad he refers to them through out sessions.
I am hoping to write a poem *for* my therapist, talking about all the emotions and ups and downs we've been through then giving it to her in a frame. Though, I worry of the outcome.

Pinksoil,

Great poetry. Thanks for sharing.

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There are reasons why this can’t be reciprocated.

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Ah yes, too bad, but yes.

Also, love the bookshelf line. I am always staring at T's bookshelf behind him when we talk.

Idealism works for me too! Great poem!

I like the pass the salt line and also this one:

"If something feels distant, then it can’t be mislabeled."

I can so relate to that. Like in my session yesterday I kept referring to "my therapist" while he was sitting right in front of me. I couldn't say the word "you."

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sunrise said:
kept referring to "my therapist" while he was sitting right in front of me. I couldn't say the word "you."

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Wow. I seriously thought I was the only one who had that problem. I can't say "you" to my therapist. I will say something like, "I want to feel cared for by someone" when I really mean, "I want to feel cared for by you." I won't even say "my therapist." I have major problems identifying him directly as the source of my feelings.

Wow.

I can't believe you feel like that too.

I've actually never done it before yesterday, pink. He and I were trying to repair a major rupture, and suddenly he became this distant person that I could refer to only in third person. I referred to him as "my therapist" (or by his name, as if talking about another person) so many times, I'm surprised he didn't start looking around the room for the therapist. (Yo sunny, you talkin' to me?) I wonder if they ever get insulted by the things we do, lol? (Or maybe they just laugh hysterically once we leave the room.)

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sunrise said:
(Or maybe they just laugh hysterically once we leave the room.)

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LOL, sometimes my T does this while I'm in the room. It's okay though because he is only playing off my personality.... So he knows exactly when it's okay to laugh and when it's not. Laughter is a big part of therapy for me as long as I'm not in one of my lovely depressions.

As far as getting insulted.... I can answer this by going back to the time in which my T and I were having a great connection and suddenly I decided to get very mad at him. This was the time in which he disclosed that he felt hurt. I don't know that they get insulted in regards to the things we are talking about, but they get hurt, they get mad, they feel things like we do.

I was surprised when I read that you experienced a major rupture with your T-- I hope everything is okay and I hope that you two were able to work it out.

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his was the time in which he disclosed that he felt hurt. I don't know that they get insulted in regards to the things we are talking about, but they get hurt, they get mad, they feel things like we do.

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Wow. I have just come from therapy and experienced this for the first time. It has been a difficult time for T and me. We had a rupture before he left for vacation, then a quick phone repair before he left. Then you know how the phone session went when he came back. Today I told him about something he said that felt like criticism to me when I saw him on Tuesday and that when this happens I wind up feeling like I'm doing something wrong. He said that he did not want to feel bad again about traumatizing me and he was not going to go down that road. I was able to talk through this and it was simply amazing, I think....I think the amazing part was in my ability to look him in the eye and say "you." But there is a part of me who is worried about the relationship, even though I'm doing some intensive work right now & seeing him 2x a week. Have i been doing a "hurt you before you hurt me thing?" Hmmmmm