Couch 136: Transference Welcome!

I just found out that there's a room in my university where you can sleep during the day... And you can tell them when to wake you up. I'm in love

That's cool!! I dreamed of such a room when i was a student.

Time to get moving, been up for hours but now I'm sleepy again! Happy Tuesday couch.

Afternoon, Couch.

I brought some chocolate treats for us. Hope Tuesday's being kind.

Ugh, hope you feel better soon!

I like the song and artist because I like the way she contributes to the music with her voice. Also the lyrics are great to me.

Regina Spektor "us"

Also, I just love pianos

At work thus morning even tho still not feeling good. H went out and got me pepto bismol last night during baseball game he was watching on tv. I "heard" the i love you in that even tho he didn't say it. Progress.

He is so cuuutteeee <3
There is prozac for kitties?! How did you know he needed it?
Omg, you hve the cutest kitties.
My thought precisely!

I was supposed to hang out with a friend today, but I'm having a migraine of epic proportions. Probably due to the lack of sleep. I finally did get a few hours, and now that I've taken something for the pain I feel better emotionally. I'm so very glad it's spring break. Pretty sure this is my body's way of telling me to slow down

I eventually went to sleep as well. Around 3:00am. I was up by 6am though. But those 3 hours were a really deep sleep.

Just read the greatest word ever in one of those teen novels I've been reading lately- "f---tastrophe". My inner 15 yo rejoices to have a new swear word.

Yes, i am weird.

I'm always looking to add new swears into the mix. I like that one

Yay for VTO (voluntary, unpaid time off that doesn't "count against" you)! After being awake half the night with my stomach hurting, I get to work this morning and in my row it smells like somebody spilled a bottle of a very floral cologne, some flower that I am obs allergic to, I got an immediate headache and by my lunch break at 10:45a, my throat hurt and I couldn't talk right. So I put in for VTO and told my boss (read: begged her) to get it approved and she did!! I got to leave at 1pm so yay. 2.5 hours of missed pay is nothing compared to how my headache is almost gone now and I've only been out of there for an hour - didn't even need to take anything, just getting out of the smell was enough. And my throat feels fine, I had the windows down in my car all the way home so the fresh air fixed that right up. The headache was so bad that now that it's almost gone, my stomach is feeling better too. Yay for VTO!

From this morning...

wow jDNA those are really beautiful pictures!! i love mountains so much, one of my favorite things about living where I do!

(((Artie))) “Daddy, you have a terrible Losada ratio,” she said.

Hey art - positive psychology by martin seligman, says the losada ratio should be about 3:1 for growth relationships. Thought about you. So cute - hes got his little daughter telling him to stop yelling at her, while hes writing a book about stopping yelling and being more positive!

Eta - got "adjusted" today ie saw the chiropractor. He was in his gym clothes lifting weights when i got there - i could not even look at him until he put on long pants i need to talk to t about this. I am not the same person i was when i started with t.

Missing my mountains. Some day...!

Okay wow. What a brilliant idea! I would have killed for that when I was in college! There was so much noise at night with everyone's different night owl schedules I almost broke down more than once.

Three no-shows in a row for lessons today. I'm in a big public school building by myself and it's giving me major heeby-jeebies

Never heard of that Losada ratio. Gonna go look that up.

And what I bolded reminds me of my Dad's favorite saying when I was a kid - "do as I say, not as i do!" from me, too!

eta: i found a test and scored 2.25, right smack dab in the middle of normal. i am now ashamed of myself for being normal. ha!!!

I had to go to the bathroom just to see myself in the mirror so I know I still exist.

I do so it's all good I guess

Hmmm...does the gosling have problems with boundaries?

But hey girl, why not just embrace your inner cougar? Or come visit me and and we'll hit the club scene.

That sounds scary Anais. I seem to read a bit of cynicism in your "all good".

I'm not doing too well. Have had an ongoing argument over about everything with my psychologist for months. It started over my diagnosis, which was changed from autism + BPD to dependent personality disorder + BPD traits + depression NOS. That DPD label is used to tell me that all my problems are due to uncertainty and I just need a good kick in the behind. I'm institutionalized and have been for 9 1/2 years and it's not even three weeks till my planned discharge date and no after care has been arranged yet. Well, they (social worker and psychologist) are working on it but I have little faith in it being all ready by May 1.

So, for those of you who are bipolar I or II, how would you define a mixed state? Because I'm possibly bipolar II (per p-doc), and the past few days I've felt a mix of depression and intense irritability (after a period of just irritability/racing thoughts, which I think is hypomania). It's like I want to either cry (did lots of that in MC session and after yesterday) or snap at someone (H, daughter, other drivers), and it feels like it's taking more and more effort to manage those urges (done plenty of snapping, too). Plus some self-loathing and guilt thrown in there for good measure.

Maybe I need to contact my p-doc? Been on Zoloft, and she had me try a really low-dose of Abilify (like half of the smallest pill--so taking 1 mg) for a bit (while staying on Zoloft), but that left me feeling extremely irritable all the time and unable to control stuff I was saying, which was causing lots of marital stress. So I stopped that a couple weeks ago.

I know this probably belongs in the bipolar section, but just wondering if anyone here had experienced similar symptoms... Naturally, my T is on vacation this week. (E-mailed MC last night but e-mail was about a bunch of stuff, with mention of feeling bad about myself and sort of hopeless toward the end, but may have gotten lost in all the other ramblings.)