[Teddy:)]

Why does a T going on a deserved holiday have to feel so damn hard! I understand the need for vacations but why does it have to feel like being left behind... It totally sucks! I feel so horrible for being jealous of T's family and the time they get to spend together.
I struggle with maternal transference and although hard I generally deal with it but these moments really touch on the yearning for T to be my mom and that family I never had
I wish I didn't feel as much!

[Willowleaf]

I could have written your post myself. I too struggle with maternal transference and find her breaks very hard despite the fact the adult part of me understands that they are necessary well deserved ones. I had a session last night and now will wait a fortnight before I see her again. How do you cope when yours is away? I find it's harder at the beginning and nearer with the end I get used to it a bit better and the feelings decrease. What about you?

I feel your pain .. my T has gone away for 8 weeks .. she is back in just over 2 weeks but I've really struggled with her being away so long and have had a couple of meltdowns in that time

[Elio]

I haven't had to deal with long vacations yet since the transference kicked in. Yep, mine is maternal as well. She hasn't had a vacation in a year and I fear one is coming due. Right now, even going through a short period of not wanting to talk to her, I can't imagine going even a week between sessions (I'm 2 x wk). In May, we have a week with only 1 session due to a holiday and I'm already feeling anxious about it.

What am I going to do when she decides she wants a 2-4 wk vacation?

Originally Posted by Elio

I haven't had to deal with long vacations yet since the transference kicked in. Yep, mine is maternal as well. She hasn't had a vacation in a year and I fear one is coming due. Right now, even going through a short period of not wanting to talk to her, I can't imagine going even a week between sessions (I'm 2 x wk). In May, we have a week with only 1 session due to a holiday and I'm already feeling anxious about it.

What am I going to do when she decides she wants a 2-4 wk vacation?

It is tough and I've struggled but I've been lucky in the respect that she calls me every week whilst away so I still have contact and I've messaged back and forth with her as well .. it's been hard and I had a meltdown where I told her I hated her, but I've also learnt a lot about myself over the past few weeks, or at least admitted stuff to myself that I didn't want to .. will you be able to have any contact with your T when she is away?

[Elio]

Don't know and nothing is planned yet. I just know that it will happen, it needs to happen, she needs to take care of herself and part of that is taking time for herself. I know that... my brain knows that... my emotional self... ok that is another story all together. We are approaching summer so prime vacation time. So, I think it might be time to approach the topic as in a general topic before the emotional self is blindsided with the pending event (even if I know months in advance).

Originally Posted by Elio

Don't know and nothing is planned yet. I just know that it will happen, it needs to happen, she needs to take care of herself and part of that is taking time for herself. I know that... my brain knows that... my emotional self... ok that is another story all together. We are approaching summer so prime vacation time. So, I think it might be time to approach the topic as in a general topic before the emotional self is blindsided with the pending event (even if I know months in advance).

I totally get the brain knows but the emotional side is a different story .. it's good that you have time to approach it and hopefully prepare yourself the best you can .. i only found out a couple of weeks in advance which was hard .. have you been with your T a long time?

[Elio]

Originally Posted by SS1971

I totally get the brain knows but the emotional side is a different story .. it's good that you have time to approach it and hopefully prepare yourself the best you can .. i only found out a couple of weeks in advance which was hard .. have you been with your T a long time?

We are at the 18 month mark. with the last 8-9 at 2 x week, weekly prior to that. She has been with me through lots of changes.

We have a week in May that a holiday will cause us to be 1 x that week and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that. Next week I had work related issue that was going to leave us at 1 x and she was able to accommodate a session on another day. Even with me in "mad" mode, I was in panic mode at the idea of only 1 x.

I totally get the panic even when in mad mode .. I was the same for the brief period I hated mine .. that will be hard if you go twice a week .. I go once a week and the separation has been hard enough .. hopefully discussing it with her and going through some options on how to cope when she does go away will help a bit

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Can you see another therapist while she is gone? I've done that a number of times before when my therapist felt I was too unstable to miss a session. There's another therapist in the practice who has some background on me and who can treat me if mine is away or something happens that keeps him out of the office. Usually we just chat a bit but it helps keep me safe and someone is checking in on me. We don't do it every year but if my therapist is concerned then he will set it up.

[Teddy:)]

Originally Posted by Willowleaf

I could have written your post myself. I too struggle with maternal transference and find her breaks very hard despite the fact the adult part of me understands that they are necessary well deserved ones. I had a session last night and now will wait a fortnight before I see her again. How do you cope when yours is away? I find it's harder at the beginning and nearer with the end I get used to it a bit better and the feelings decrease. What about you?

Thanks for your reply! I guess I cope by trying to distract myself but it doesn't tend to work well, I find the beginning to be the hardest too but I find its like this because each day I lose a bit of connection to T so by the end I've basically detached, its like a safety thing I guess. Its a very lonely feeling

[Teddy:)]

Originally Posted by Elio

I haven't had to deal with long vacations yet since the transference kicked in. Yep, mine is maternal as well. She hasn't had a vacation in a year and I fear one is coming due. Right now, even going through a short period of not wanting to talk to her, I can't imagine going even a week between sessions (I'm 2 x wk). In May, we have a week with only 1 session due to a holiday and I'm already feeling anxious about it.

What am I going to do when she decides she wants a 2-4 wk vacation?

Mines gone for 2weeks but it will be 5weeks till I get to see her again. There isn't really anything that can prepare you for it unfortunately which sucks and reminds you of how attached and how much you suffer with maternal transference

[Teddy:)]

Originally Posted by SS1971

I totally get the panic even when in mad mode .. I was the same for the brief period I hated mine .. that will be hard if you go twice a week .. I go once a week and the separation has been hard enough .. hopefully discussing it with her and going through some options on how to cope when she does go away will help a bit

I go through the "I hate you" thing too, I think its my way of trying to make the sadness of her being away better and also to detach for safety in case I'm abandoned.
I discuss my T's vacations in depth and I'm lucky that we too have some form of contact but even with that its still hard. Nothing seems to make the feelings go away

[Teddy:)]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Can you see another therapist while she is gone? I've done that a number of times before when my therapist felt I was too unstable to miss a session. There's another therapist in the practice who has some background on me and who can treat me if mine is away or something happens that keeps him out of the office. Usually we just chat a bit but it helps keep me safe and someone is checking in on me. We don't do it every year but if my therapist is concerned then he will set it up.

My T doesn't offer fill in T's and I'm not sure I'd feel safe enough to talk to another one. My T does check in with me so I'm thankful for that. Its just a process I have to work through I guess

[BonnieJean]

Mine is going away for 12 days next month, out of the country and off line (no email). It has been a while since she's been away but generally she's not totally unreachable like this. I understand her getting away with family but it feels bad for me. Nothing to say to help OP. Just needed to share my situation that relates...

[rainboots87]

I'm dealing with a T vacation right now too And she was out for a week last month too. It really sucks and it's at the worst possible time for me emotionally. We keep talking in session about why it's so hard for me, but it's so hard to identify what exactly makes me anxious about it.

[waterlogged]

Originally Posted by Elio

I haven't had to deal with long vacations yet since the transference kicked in. Yep, mine is maternal as well. She hasn't had a vacation in a year and I fear one is coming due. Right now, even going through a short period of not wanting to talk to her, I can't imagine going even a week between sessions (I'm 2 x wk). In May, we have a week with only 1 session due to a holiday and I'm already feeling anxious about it.

What am I going to do when she decides she wants a 2-4 wk vacation?

If you are in the US, it's unlikely (as in, not customary) that your T will take a 4 week vacation. 2 weeks maybe, but 4 weeks isn't part of the normal way of being like it is in Europe.

I still really get distressed when my T is out, but at least now I don't psychosomaticize it....I don't get physically sick anymore.