Have to say goodbye to T soon, feeling quite bad

(It's because I have to move for work/school, not cause my MDD is better or because I did a weird boundary thing or something.)

Our last session is in 6-7 weeks. She says it seems like I'm pulling away. I guess I am? Not on purpose. It's because I'm scared of how bad it's going to feel when we have to terminate. (She and my pdoc said they're going to keep in touch to make sure that I'm doing well with my new T/pdoc and stuff, but still it's an ending.)

And it's not just that I'm getting a new T and pdoc, it's also that I'm going to be in a new city/apartment/job and none of my friends will be around. I've had to make big moves before (four or five times in the last 10 years), but that was before I had depression and I'm scared.

Help?

I did the same thing last summer and it tore me apart...I was struggling so bad the day before I left that I ended up finding a new T in my new city before I even left the old one. I felt really bad that I was already trying to move on from old T but that's honestly what I needed to survive the transition.

My old T thankfully offered to do a few phone sessions once I moved which also helped the transition.

I totally know how terrible it hurts to know you're going have to say goodbye, I dreaded it for a whole year before I graduated and it took me a long time to get comfortable again once I moved. However, it did happen and my new T has been great. She is actually helping me with attachment stuff and family stuff that my first T didn't.

Just do what you have to do to keep moving forward and talk about it with your T as much as you need to!

I feel like I just want to say f**k it and stop going altogether.

What was she really doing for me anyway? She never made me feel any better in session.I don't even thing she has done anything to ease my depression. Why am I even attached to her at all?

(If anyone brings up Kubler-Ross, I'm going to scream)

Speaking only for myself, but when a t announced he was retiring, I tried to stick with him until the end. Eventually we both agreed that it was just retraumatizing me. So I quit seeing him. At the time I was seeing other ts, but I went from twice a week with him to zero. I quit the session after he agreed that it was traumatizing. For me, it was a good decision.

And why wouldn't you be pulling away? Isn't that the purpose of not ending suddenly? To sort of ease the blow?

But the the F* it part of me is a fairly strong and powerful part. I keep her around for just such occasions.

Wow you remember a time before you were depressed??

Mhmm, I do. I'm 28. I've never been any kind of happy optimistic human, but I wasn't incapacitated by my depression until about two and a half years ago. That's when the I-can't-get-outta-bed and the SUI and the meds and the hospitalizations started.

Moving and changing everything in your life sucks at first but surviving it does build resiliency. I've done it a few times and leaving t was always the hardest part. I can understand f it, but old t can serve as a bridge and support while you find a new t.

I just did this earlier this year. I needed old t's to help me evaluate new t's. They were very insightful and even talked to new t. It helped a lot.

I hope the transition brings better things for you.