[RainyDay107]

I read here about how many really look forward to their upcoming session, miss their T between sessions, feel upset when T needs time off, etc. No judgment from me, these are just my observations.

I'm a bit of the opposite...I go to therapy weekly and I have a session today. I wouldn't say I dread going....but it seems like a chore. I don't know why I feel this way. Does anyone relate?

[Elio]

Even with me having times that I am looking forward to upcoming sessions and often miss my T between sessions; I have times where I dread or don't want to go.

Have you given voice to why you don't want to go? How has your therapy been going, are you making progress, could it be time for a break or less frequent sessions? Or the opposite would more frequent sessions help you stay more in tune with what is going on within sessions? I found when I was going weekly that day 1-2 after session I was all connected and open, willing to share anything/everything. Days 3-5, I'd have a slight let down and become unsure if I could trust her. By day 7, I was withholding and closed off again.

[junkDNA]

Maybe you don't need it?

[RainyDay107]

Thanks for your replies, Junk and Elio. I have a bad migraine right now so I'll reply later. I wanted to thank you, in the interim, for taking time to reply and giving me food for thought. I think it's a combination of reasons...I'll post when I'm feeling better. xo

[Victoria'smom]

I'm like that. I don't like going. I often force myself to go because I need to especially when I'm unwell. Even when I'm doing well and like the therapist it's still a hassle to go but I treat it as a must like physical therapy would be treated.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm like that. I don't like going. I often force myself to go because I need to especially when I'm unwell. Even when I'm doing well and like the therapist it's still a hassle to go but I treat it as a must like physical therapy would be treated.

Thanks, this describes my situation well. I just wish it wasn't $100 a visit.

Yes, I had therapy like that once. I actually dreaded going and like you said, it felt like a chore, and I just ended up quitting.

I liked the therapist a lot, but it was more like chatting with a friend. She was smart but not really clinically trained, maybe. (Not saying yours isn't competent-but a therapist could try to engage the client too; wouldn't put 100% on you.)

At the time, I had an adult trauma a few months before starting. I think i may have been numb with PTSD, so I wasn't feeling emotion at all.

Could it be PTSD numbing for you?

I can also say that with my current therapist, I didn't feel engaged the first few months. I wasn't physically well at the time, either, and was beat/worn down. I think with him it was exhaustion. But his way of engaging back then (or lack of it-blank slate behavior) drew out intense emotions in me. Then I was highly engaged. So it can take time.

It can be different when you enter therapy in an active crisis, post crises, episode of MDD, or are in a good place in life and just looking for self improvement. People's experiences vary so much, so it's difficult to make comparisons with others. But it's natural to do that. I think it's good to question things. Can you bring this up to your therapist?

[stopdog]

I have never looked forward to the appointment. I do not find therapy enjoyable at all. I think of it like chemotherapy or putting one's hand in a blender.
I take breaks when the urge not to go becomes very strong.

[RainyDay107]

Thanks, everyone. I contacted my T and told her I was taking a break from therapy. I told her I'd contactt her when I wanted to return. She wanted to make sure I was OK (I am) and she said I was welcome back anytime.

I don't think she's qualified/experienced in the areas I need help. She seems to do what I call "therapy lite." She's nice but I'm paying out of pocket....I can tell I'm not getting my money's worth. I received some benefit, but I don't see any progress being made at this point. She's into essential oils and hypnotherapy. I told my pdoc and his eyes rolled, lol. No offense those that like aromatherapy and hypnotherapy. It just doesn't cut it for me.

I recently used my "therapy session money" and got a great massage. I have chronic pain and I left feeling great. I'm going to do that for awhile.

Maybe I'm done with therapy. Time will tell. I feel good about my decision and I trust my intuition.

I don't need a reply. Thinking out loud lol

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by Skies

Yes, I had therapy like that once. I actually dreaded going and like you said, it felt like a chore, and I just ended up quitting.

I liked the therapist a lot, but it was more like chatting with a friend. She was smart but not really clinically trained, maybe. (Not saying yours isn't competent-but a therapist could try to engage the client too; wouldn't put 100% on you.)

At the time, I had an adult trauma a few months before starting. I think i may have been numb with PTSD, so I wasn't feeling emotion at all.

Could it be PTSD numbing for you?

I can also say that with my current therapist, I didn't feel engaged the first few months. I wasn't physically well at the time, either, and was beat/worn down. I think with him it was exhaustion. But his way of engaging back then (or lack of it-blank slate behavior) drew out intense emotions in me. Then I was highly engaged. So it can take time.

It can be different when you enter therapy in an active crisis, post crises, episode of MDD, or are in a good place in life and just looking for self improvement. People's experiences vary so much, so it's difficult to make comparisons with others. But it's natural to do that. I think it's good to question things. Can you bring this up to your therapist?

I need PTSD therapy but I'm sole caretaker of my stepdad. He has pancreatic cancer. I'm a single mom. I can't practice law anymore, I'm disabled. I have my hands full.

The cancer is terminal and very aggressive in its progression. He's only 64, it stinks. And, he's my only surviving parent. And the best parent I've had. I need to focus on him. I am doing self-care. We are very close. I love him and he's been a wonderful father to me. We became even closer when my mom died, as we were joint caretakers when she was terminally ill.

But I've had a lot of trauma throughtout my life. This is not the time to start trauma therapy. I'm not avoiding it. I thought about that. It can wait six months. I have good intuition. I was abused as a child and married a narcissist...18 years. Grey-rocking him. Lots of family deaths. Giving up my legal career for SSDI was necessary but it's a loss. There are other things in between. It's a big stack of loss, lol.

For now and through the very end, I want to be there for my stepdad. I'm familiar with the grief process from the deaths of my grandparents and biological parents. It takes time. Plus, I have to close his estate, there's the house, etc.....my partner is helping me. I still need to arrange for his cremation. It all takes a lot of time. Grieving is important but it took me a long time with my bio-dad. This may take a long time. My T has no experience in grief therapy.

I'm a piece of work, maybe a lifetime, lol. One day at a time.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply.