Sad information about counselor and just one session left

I´ve seen a counselor for about three months and now it´s just one session left. I´ve known from the beginning when the contact was to end but still. As we didn´t do therapy but more of counseling I decided to ask here if it was possible to have some sporadic sessions in the future after we now end our contact.

I brought that up in an e-mail and in session she responded. She felt she wanted to be honest with me and said she´d wanted to have some contact, (as the sessions we´ve now had, not as friends or such) but it wasn´t possible because she wouldn´t have time because her husband is ill with several deceases. She said she cared for him in their home together with home nurses. She also said like "it´s a fine man but he can barely go to the toilet himself". It´s so very sad!

It´s a bit hard to take in as well as I could never know she has this difficult situation in her marriage and of course I can´t do anything about it. I kind of feel, not against her though, like "it´s so typical to find a person like her and now her situation makes it impossible to see her".

It´s not a question of asking as I´ve already done that, she had also considered mail contact but thought she wouldn´t have time to answer fully to my e-mails.

I´m glad she didn´t just use some standard answer like "no, it´s against my policy to meet with clients afterwards" and at the same time this info is hard to process. I don´t mean I need professional help for it but just sad and a bit of a strange situation.

What are your thoughts about this?

My thoughts are that it's very sad! I'm sorry that's not hugely helpful for you

I remember when you wrote a previous post about this counsellor and I said that I think a caring and supportive relationship can be a positive and healing thing in our lives, even if it has to come to an end. Those are still my thoughts really. She has also been caring in being so open with you about such a big and difficult issue for her, so you would know she was not just not bothering or trying to get rid of you.
What do you think?

Sad is one of those emotions that is very hard for me to do. That is, I mostly used to numb out and it's been hard for me to allow myself to feel it. So from what I know, it seems good that you had this warm relationship and the time with her and the sadness of losing that is just the risk and the cost, and you're managing it, including reaching out here for support. Sorry it has to end, I hope you feel good about having the time that you did.

Are you considering trying to find some other kind of counseling, therapy, or something else after your last session with her?

I am sorry to hear that. I too would be sad, both for her (and her situation) and because the relationship is ending.

Hi Sarah,

I'm sorry your relationship with her has come to an end. It's sad to read about her misfortune. At the same time, i think it was kind of her to share that with you. Maybe she shared as to not be rejecting? Or as a point of connection? I think ending a relationship can involve connection, too. Like connecting on a positive note (sharing) for the ending.

Personally, I know my limitations when I'm hurting a lot, struggling with life's burdens. It's too difficult to be in relationships where the other person needs me for support. At those times, I can't even address my own needs, so I avoid the relationships as to not hurt others.

My thoughts are to see if you can take the best from your therapy, from the relationship with her, and somehow use that as a seed from which to grow. I've seen you be strong-maybe you can find something from it to build upon.

I think it's normal to be sad when a meaningful relationship has to come to an end, and it sounds like she is trying to be honest and explain to you her situation so you can see her reasons for having to say no.
It's just all around sad. But I do agree with satsuma. There is a joy in that you both have shared this caring relationship. That is a good thing. Everything ends, everything. But it still has beauty and meaning. And you will carry that forward with you.

I'm sorry your counseling is coming to an end. It sounds like you really bonded with her, and I know you'd found it difficult to connect with others in the past.

I think it's wonderful that she shared her personal story with you, as well. In your previous posts you spoke of feeling disconnected from others, feeling that their lives were so much "better" than yours - they had more professional success, material wealth, friendships, etc. This experience shows that not everything is as it seems from the outside.

I also think it is nice that she told you the truth. However, if I were a T, I would try to talk to my other friend T's and give people referrals so they could move on with people I trusted. It's hard to go out "cold turkey" and find a new T.

Thanks. Yes, I agree she was very honest and told me the truth about why we can´t stay in contact. Now it´s more a sorrow about when I find a person I like and I trust I can´t see her anymore. I don´t think at all that she wants to get rid of me, I think she likes me but it´s still hard to accept that I won´t see her again.

Thanks. I can´t really feel good about having the time we had as I really need a more continuous relationships and even if I value this counselor as a person and the time we have had it´s just sad and hard to move on.

Daily I think about how to get into another therapy but as I can´t pay for therapy myself and the public health system here is very bad I don´t know of any ways to access therapy. I´ve already tried and it´s also painful to get into new contacts with people who will be there for me only temporary. But I though still need therapy or counseling.

Thanks. Yes, sharing her reason to why we can´t keep in contact was very thoughtful and nice of her. She knows a bit about my earlier experiences from therapy and she wanted the end to be less painful this time.

Perhaps I´ll be able to take something with me from this contact but it´s hard as most contacts I have are of this kind even if it´s not mainly with therapists. Friendships are only temporary, I often feel let down and when I need people there, they are always busy. I don´t mean my counselor is that way but having those temporary relationships is nothing new to me, it´s just a sad content in my life.

Thanks. Yes, that I can really agree with as I never expected my counselor to live a life as the one she described. Or living under such circumstances to me more exact. I feel for her and I agree that in this case it wasn´t as I could expect from the outside.

I bonded with her even if it was mostly about having chats, not so much finding new ways in life or solving problems. But as a person to have a good chat with, to share things with. It´ll be hard to find someone similar to her. I still look for someone similar to my first T when I look for therapists and I still miss my first T.

Thanks. We haven´t done therapy but more of "chats" and counseling. I got a kind of referee from her but it´s a person I don´t think I´ll contact as she´s a church worker at my own age and she has only done counseling for less than a year. I asked my counselor for someone older, at least 50 years old but unfortunately she didn´t know of anyone at that age to recommend. So I´ll be alone again.

Sounds like you've made a decision that is the best of the options for you right now. Maybe something or somebody will come along later? Definitely hope so for you.

For myself, I still like support groups and especially, meetup groups. Gives me a chance to be with people but not close to them necessarily, although in support groups we can be. But I've learned the hard way in support groups that being close to some people isn't necessarily such a good thing for them, or me. I guess that's something that most people pick up about relationships along the way of life, which I didn't. So I feel a little more confident about life in general now than I did 3 years ago when I first started with the meetup groups.

Best of luck to you!