Would you hold back from saying certain things...

I hold back plenty of stuff for the worry that it will SEEM manipulative. Because of past therapy trauma, I'm left with an intense fear that if I say or do the wrong thing (though I don't know what), they'll end therapy. So I worry a LOT that I'll say something they won't like and that they'll stop meeting with me. I have spent years hiding things I thought they might not like, including things that might seem manipulative.

I said other because as the relationship has developed and I have seen her not take things personally, I don't hold back much if anything between session and journal that might be taken as manipulative. At the same time, I make it perfectly clear that she is not to change anything she was going to do based on what I tell her and that I am counting on what I say not to be an impact on her. She said last session that I need to know that she can and will take care of herself. And that is very true. I need to know that I don't have to take care of her and she will take care of me. Specifically around her vacation... I have told her that I don't want her to go, that I will miss her, I will be lost, I am afraid of her getting sick, hurt, family emergency, dying... and I look her square in the eyes and say that none of this better be causing her to change her plans. She tells me that they are not.

So, it isn't quite a perish the thought, it's more that she has shown over time that I can trust her with these things and that she will know that I am not trying to manipulate her with them, that they are just how I feel.

I have a similar behavior issue but I don't see it as being manipulative. K don't tell her if I were to engage in a certain behavior.