Couch 142 - Pope Hyginus' Final Resting Place (~Something in Latin~)

QM -- I don't mean to be unsupportive but for what it's worth, I think it's incredibly hard to be in a relationship with someone who is trying to figure out their sexuality and / or gender identity.

It's not that relationships don't survive that sort of stuff but it takes a lot and a lot of compassion -- towards the partner not going through the crisis -- to make it work.

I've seen 20+ years marriages fall apart even when the other partner knew from the beginning about it.

Basically, because, it's not just about the identity of the person going through the crisis but also about their partner's identity / sexuality -- and, the partner has little or no support (sure, there's a Straight Partners of Gays sort of network in the US but I'm not sure it's been super successful -- at least based on the folks I know who've tried to go through it).

And, to make matters worse, given the current cultural moment, for the straight partner to voice any concerns or doubts or hesitations or fears usually ends up getting them deemed as a bigot and really just being heartless or cruel.

That may well be the case in some of the cases but in a lot of others, they are just genuinely trying to figure crap out and don't know how to mesh their emotional stuff with their political leanings.

Also, for what it's worth, in my (select) experience, most LGBT bars are primarily hook-up joints (gawd knows, they have awful and awfully over-priced drinks) -- I'm not making a value judgment there (they serve an essential purpose!).

No worries. I know it's hard for him, which is the main reason I kept the majority of my struggles private.

I try to reassure him that I choose him (since I really think I'm bisexual and not lesbian) and that I do desire him (because I do), but of course it's hard for him when I've low libido issues. I do stuff to please him but I can imagine it's really painful to feel your partner is so often not interested in sexual things.

And I'm pretty sure he doesn't get support in his town/country (since we're LDR) as the straight partner, and I don't get support in my country either, so it's both of us feeling the other could be more understanding etc.

Culturally I think Scandinavia (where he's from) is pretty progressive and I know he doesn't have someone to voice his emotions to, partly because it'd be "not politically correct" for him. Which stinks.

Then here for me in my country, I'm also stuck in the closet and I really really hope the counselling will help me navigate things better, because my T is clueless.

I know he's terrified I'll "turn out lesbian" or "worse" FtM. And it's clear he thinks the LGBT org will support ME but pressure HIM, which is a really valid fear no matter how many times I tell him that they are used to working with upset and hurting parents of LGBT people, straight spouses etc (because my country is still very conservative and it's normal and expected for the LGBT person to be understanding of the family's struggle to accept them being LGBT).

So, I also really don't want to minimise his struggles... I don't think it's clearcut as "you deserve a better partner!" like some more radical people have told me. Because 12 years is a long time and we've been through so so so much together. I can't throw that away.

I have just learned there is such a thing as a nutmeg psychosis.

*frowns suspiciously at spice rack*

My friend purposefully drank a glass of milk with I don't remember how many tablespoons of nutmeg in it. He said it was the longest, worst, most terrifying high of his life. Like convulsions on the kitchen floor going on for hours.

But I like to think I'm clandestinely self-medicating when I grate it over the top of my hot cocoa while I'm teaching

Most spices have at least lightly psychoactive properties though, especially when you start looking into their TCM/ Ayurvedic uses... it's why I love them so...

I finally filled up my journal with lines that I bought by accident, thank ****ing god, screw this lined crap, here we go!! All sizes of handwriting, all the time!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I've heard of kids getting high or trying to get high off nutmeg lol

Had a good session with T. We were silly and joked around a lot

Nice journal, anais! Nothing better than starting an empty journal.

Omg hahaha my therapist accepted my add on Snapchat

Dying 😂

Tomorrow starts an insanely busy week...and I am not feeling it at all. I am in a lay in a dark room all day kind of mood.

And the weeks starts off with lunch with my t's wife. As a thank you for driving her kids home from school this school year. We generally talk about our kids, dance related stuff. But I do find it a bit weird to know my t knows I am going to lunch with his wife.

Awesome, see? he is great
Very lucky

I already know mine would never do that, he wont accept FB requests etc.

Yours must really like you and that is awesome!

I would die!
Now I kind of want a younger T so that I could find their Snapchat or IG account. roboT is too old for that ****.

I didn't think he would

It was a test

Idk if he passed or failed!

Yeah, not sure if that's a pass or fail either. Any fun stuff in his story?

Hahaha that would be my reaction too!

Well there is one thing that is better...

Peeling the wrapper off a fresh new day planner. It's a big yearly event for me. A religious experience, almost.... I've gotten exactly the same one every year for the past 11 years.

Planner season is almost religious for me as well. I just picked up my new one this past week. Love it

Ooh very interesting, I am a Jan 1 planner person (though I always initiate it Dec 28)

I have mostly-moldy blueberries and about-to-be-moldy bread (it was fancy bread too...) time to transcend my circumstances and make blueberry bread pudding.

nope.........

Well my main planner is my teacher planner, so I always use academic planners (August - July).

just changed my avatar 500 times. think i like this one

for now....

I cannot stop chain smoking

It's real bad...

Both brothers are coming this week. I'm trying to view it as, it will b fun and they can help me solve a longstanding problem i have with the house.
Pleeeeez be a good thing..