Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how. Part XXV

I wuv u. Be safe. See you soon

Dear T,
I'm not sure you totally got what I was trying to say today about the one thing. You know, I may as well just actually e-mail you...
LT

I said don't forget to silently wish me happy birthday today. I wonder if you did.

I feel like I'm drifting further away from shore the longer I wait for the paperwork to go through to find me a new therapist. I feel abandoned and empty. I'm losing my strength and hope. Please don't leave me alone like this because I'm giving up.

Hang in there babe. You are stronger than you think.

Hi

8 characters

........

I got a call from the office secretary yesterday saying that you were sick and couldn't have a session with me. That's when I left you a kind voice message saying "I'm sorry you're not feeling well; I do hope you feel better soon", then asked nicely if we could set up a new appointment. You did not say thank you and you instead seemed irritated with me. Why? Did I do something wrong? I literally said what I said above, and I added, "If you have the time to squeeze me in for a session, I'm free all week... but again, that's if you have time. If you don't have time, that's okay. I don't mind. But I figured I'd ask first. Can you let me know either way what works for you?"

Am I being unintentionally hostile or something? I'm totally cool with not having a make up session . I just wanted to know if we could set one up.

Does this mean you're about to give up on me? You seemed sick of listening to me last session

I love you.
I wish you'd hold me and let me sleep.
I wish you'd stroke my hair like you used to.

I miss *that* you - but little by little it seems like she's coming back....

59 hours to go. I can do this. The finish line is in sight.

Though I have no idea what to talk to you about. So much time has passed. Will you remember important things about me? Will you remember that you promised to show me pictures?

M
I'm having a bad day

I can't lose one session a week. I don't know what to do.

Are you going to be happy you don't have to see me so much?

T,
I am so fat. I am a whale. I know you'll be happy but I want to die. I thought I was ready for this, but I'm not. I'm sorry. I know I will disappoint you. Part of me wants you to force me into inpatient, because I know I need it but I'm not strong enough to admit myself.
Annie

Dear T,
I am pretty sure none of it happened and I do not have DID. I should quit therapy now.

T,
Why is it so much harder to write down good sessions than writting down the crappy ones is?
I don't want you to leave for vacation. I'll miss you (and I sure as hell will want to quit therapy when you come back).

@annie: I've felt like this a lot too I hope you can make it through though.

Receptionist just called me and asked to reshedule from 6 pm (tomorrow) to 5.30
VERY STRANGE

I know this clinic for a long time ... And all the sessions of all Ts were always appointed only at ..h 00 minutes.

WHAT HAPPENED

Do you need to leave work early? Do you need to cancel? I don't want to bother you!
Pleaseeee tell meeeee

Dear CW,

Trying to come up with points in your favor.

For: you don't give me any of that "you're brave to be in therapy" crap.

Against: you seem to use "you're blossoming!" instead. Ick.

ATAT

J,

6 more days till I see you! Less than a week! I'm really excited to see you.

Uh T, those were probably the worst 3 questions you could have asked in the last 5 minutes before your vacation...

I think you realized - still... :/

I miss you, L.

Damn T... You basically break down my defenses and then leave me alone with all this crappy childish feelings for a (felt) eternity

I hate you. Go away.

Teeeeeeeeeeeeeee I miss you

(Edit to remove Ts name. Writing it in this forum, even briefly, felt so good for some reason)

I have been talking to him today even though you advised against it....