[Lilo93]

I've been seeing my Therapist now for nearly a year.

We've mainly been focusing on inner child, reparenting and person centred therapy with also some hypnosis.

For the past 5 years I've been an on and off sex worker. I was only 18 when I started. I recently had a bad experience and have realised that I need to quit. I'm also moving away to my old area where I used to live and getting a part time job/enrolling in college.

For the past 2 weeks I've had some really intense and upsetting emotions come up about the fact that I was a sex worker. I did a lot of things I feel shame about and let a lot of men touch me. Now whenever I think about it I feel physically sick and feel like disgusted at myself.

I have my next therapy session on Friday and know I need, and want, to bring this up but I just don't know how to say it out loud. I did an art journal page the other day. I was thinking of texting my T saying I was struggling with an issue and ask him if I can send him the image and then he can bring up the subject in session?

Has anyone done this before/what's the general view on doing this?

[DodgersMom]

i do this but via email not text.... its easier for me.
the other option is... write it down and bring it along, have him or you read it and go from there.

i usually only text my T for schedule stuff, but if yours is ok with whatever, then i guess but i think writing or email is better. especially if you wanna explain it a bit more

[growlycat]

Yes I have emailed before session and said that x issue is bothering me but I worry that I will back out of talking about it. I ask t to bring it up so avoiding does not happen. It helps t to know where you are.

[nottrustin]

T doesn't do texting quick I don't weird because she uses her phone to check and answer emails. Anyway, I have emailed her a few times and said that I have been struggling with something but unable to bring up. She thanks me for having the courage to tell her and she will bring the subject up at our next appointment.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've e-mailed before session in the past, too. I think texting your T is a good idea.

[SoupDragon]

I have put things in emails to my T before, although T never brought them up in session. I wondered if it was because if T felt I couldn't bring it up in session, that maybe I wasn't ready to talk about it.

When there have been issues to discuss where I have felt shame, we usually focus on the feelings of shame, long before we focus on the "thing" itself. My T has always discouraged me from just spilling everything out, again I wonder if that is because of the potential aftermath of talking about it.

Saying that, I would still email my T if there was something to talk about, that I found difficulty starting, with explicit instructions that I wanted T to bring it up and see what happens.

[nyc artist]

I don't email or text before an appointment as T C doesn't check his phone/email regularly. If I need to talk about something difficult I draw it for him and we go from there. He knows to ask at the beginning if I have anything I need him to see/read. It's extremely helpful because I not at a point where I can just say things. If your T encourages text/email, I think giving him a heads up will be so helpful.

[Swimmersusan]

Yeah email or text if you find it easier, I have done if I know I can't bring it up in session but feel I need to! She always brings it up and that way i haven't got to myself.

[Amyjay]

Yep, I email before session about things i want to bring up but get scared that I won't.T always remembers to bring up the topic.
A couple of times she has brought up the topic but then it didn't feel safe to talk about so I told her and she was okay with that too.
I think it s a good idea to do.

[Sarah1985]

I have all the time, and it helps! My t likes it, as it makes sessions more productive.

I have done this too and it's really been useful. It sounds like you're making some really positive life changes. I'm glad to hear you have support working with these difficult feelings. It sounds like you're doing great.

[Moment]

I am going to offer a different perspective here based on my own experience. I suggest that you *don't* text about difficult subjects beforehand. And that you *don't* ask the therapist to bring them up for you or to make sure you talk about them.

The reason is this: any kind of sexual situation that involves power (yours involves sex work, but I am also thinking here of sexual abuse) is fraught with issues of agency and control. You have to be very aware of the potential to repeat that, to recreate that power dynamic, in your therapeutic relationship. Your past (not just yours, mine, anyone's!) will pull you into doing that.

Think about what you would be doing by texting him in advance and asking him to bring this up. You are putting him in the position of trying to get you to do something you don't fully want to do. Think about what that replicates: You will go to a room. Meet a man alone. The two of you will, in advance, have set up something you say you want...but you also don't want. I mean, to me, it seems like what you are suggesting (texting him beforehand to get him to make sure you talk about this) seems to eerily recreate the very dynamic you are talking about talking about.

If it were me, I wouldn't text him in advance. But would go to the session and talk to him about wanting to text him in advance, and your mixed feelings about wanting to talk about some things, and not wanting to talk about them.

I wouldn't talk about them until I was completely ready and completely wanted to. I had a therapist once try to "draw out" or "get" me to talk about certain things. I thought, at the time, I wanted that. But in retrospect, to me, it seemed to me like it was replicating the *very situation* we were supposedly talking about. I wish, in retrospect, my therapist hadn't "helped" me try to talk but instead just said, "You know what, you may want to talk to me about this someday, but let's not force it."

I may be totally off base here, but it's just my two cents since you asked. I know these are sensitive issues and I hope I haven't offended you or anyone else, because I truly do not mean to and I know this must be so hard and take so much courage.

[healinginprogress]

I think it all depends on you. I've often times sent emails about sensitive topics that I knew I wouldn't be able to bring up in person. If I was able to bring those issues up in person easily, I probably wouldn't need therapy, lol. Sometime it's a vague, I need to talk about something, and sometimes I spell it out. But this softens the conversation for me because my T knows it's something I'm super vulnerable about.

I find contacting my T in advance also helps me process a little so I'm better able to discuss the issue, too.

[Lilo93]

Thanks for all your responses.

This is the first time in the space of a year that I've ever asked him to bring something up. Usually I go in knowing what I want to talk about and just say it.

I can see why some people think I shouldn't let him draw my feelings out of me and should wait until I'm ready but I actually am ready to talk about it, it's just I feel shame about what I did so am nervous to talk about it fully. We've talked about me being a sex worker before and there's been no power play between us because of it. Since I posted the first post I have been on the verge of tears lost days to my overwhelming feelings/flashbacks so I know this is something I need to deal with now rather than wait a few more weeks.

Thanks

[Lilo93]

I texted him after I posted this and he was fine it. This is the first time I've ever asked him to bring something up as for the past year I have taken the responsibility of asking him for what I want/need to talk about.

We've talked about my sex work beforehand and there isn't a power imbalance then as I know we are both in control of the situation. I can see why others may misinterpret it though.

I know that I can't leave these bad feelings to build up in me as I'd probably end up self harming as that's how destructive they make me feel. I'd rather ask for my therapists help in addressing the feelings rather then wait until I reach breaking point. I know it's going to be a hard subject to discuss but in the long term it'll be worth it.

Thanks for all your responses!

Email (therapist did not text) was great to start discussions. I used to to that all the time when I first started attachment therapy, because I had a hard time remembering things, some topics were taboo because of FOO messages, or I just couldn't get words out. If I had more than one topic I would attach a word to it. For example ask me about Jason, the milk, etc. After awhile, I became a motormouth.