[ScarletPimpernel]

So I was looking for my counselor from the crisis house I stayed at 3 years ago. I went to see if she had a profile on psychology today. (She didn't btw). Well, my saved link to the site is my T's profile. I'm technically not supposed to look my T up anymore (a deal we made). Since I already made the mistake, I decided to read her profile again. I noticed that she no longer accepts Borderline or personality disorders. This really upset me. It feels personal. I emailed her asking if it was because of me, and she said it had nothing to do with me. But I can't help feel like it does. Maybe I take up too much of her time and energy? Maybe I'm a "difficult" client?

How do I not take this personally?

I understand. my ex therapist profile does not list dissociative identify disorder anymore. i was her only client with DID. i know she could not handle me. she thougt she knew all about it...HA! She ended up dumping me out of nowhere, and i guess she realized she didnt know as much as she thought she did.
dont take it personal. its about the therapists abilities, nothing to do with you.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I understand. my ex therapist profile does not list dissociative identify disorder anymore. i was her only client with DID. i know she could not handle me. she thougt she knew all about it...HA! She ended up dumping me out of nowhere, and i guess she realized she didnt know as much as she thought she did.
dont take it personal. its about the therapists abilities, nothing to do with you.

I don't know if I'm her only client with BPD. I think she's been doing a good job with me. And she does specialize in DBT.

I just can't let this go. I think I need the answer as to why she won't see people with BPD. She normally doesn't talk about personal things, but since this effects me, maybe she'll tell me why? In the meantime, I don't know what to do.

I wouldn't take it personally, Scarlet, though I do understand why it would be difficult not to. Something that my current T and I discussed in our intake was how important it is to find a therapist whose interests and training align with the client's issues. He was interviewing me as much as I was interviewing him.

It seems like a lot of therapists don't take this stance and will take in anyone who has the means to pay for the hour. So it sounds to me like your ex therapist just recognized that she's not the right therapist for people with BPD.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I don't know if I'm her only client with BPD. I think she's been doing a good job with me. And she does specialize in DBT.


I just can't let this go. I think I need the answer as to why she won't see people with BPD. She normally doesn't talk about personal things, but since this effects me, maybe she'll tell me why? In the meantime, I don't know what to do.

Do you feel like she should see people with BPD, did she help you?
I wonder would the answer upset you more. What if she gave you the reason and it wasn't about you but you couldn't help take it personally.
Maybe she has her own reasons like a family member with BPD and she just gets too triggered by clients with BPD

[magicalprince]

You need to take her word for it. If you don't trust her word then you will never trust anything else you figure out about her either.

[ElectricManatee]

I wonder if it might have something to do with balance. I don't have BPD, but I still don't think that my T could fill up her whole client load with people whose needs are as intense as mine are right now. Speaking strictly from a logistical standpoint, I don't think she would have the time or energy to accomodate 20+ clients who need two sessions a week spaced out by 3-4 days, somewhat regular phone contact including evenings and weekends, a perpetually intense therapeutic relationship, etc. Does it mean that I am difficult or needy? Maybe. (I prefer the term "high-maintenance." ) I imagine (though of course I can't know for sure) that many of her other clients need different things from her based on their life stages, relationship issues, diagnoses, etc. So if she is managing her client load well, she is probably seeing an interesting mix of folks and using different skill sets and forging different kinds of connections with each of them. It doesn't mean that she doesn't like working with me or that she can't help me simply because I am sometimes challenging in ways that other people probably are not.

So my point is that your T may have removed BPD from her list of specialties not because of you specifically or because she can't help people with BPD, but maybe because her practice is full in that regard and she doesn't really have "spaces" for more BPD clients at the moment. Therapists are ethically obligated to only agree to take on what they think they can handle, based on their own needs, professional interests, and training. If you're satisfied with how much your T is able to help you, I would try to focus on that and not the mysterious factors that govern how she selects clients. If you are worried that you take up too much of her time and energy, talk to her about that. A good T will have self-care routines and supportive relationships in their personal life to help them deal with the emotional demands of their work, so maybe your T can reassure you about that. I'm not sure whether your T will tell you specifically why she took BPD off her profile, but if you have doubts about her skills, then I do think that you have a right to ask if she is qualified to work with people who have BPD. Hopefully you will feel better if you try your hardest to believe that there are a dozen reasons why your T modified her profile that have nothing to do with you or your diagnosis.

[Sarah1985]

It could be that she only takes so many clients with Borderline Personality, etc.. and she has met that quota so she took it down. I know I do emdr with my therapist and she only takes on so many clients that need to do it. So it could be like that.

[kecanoe]

If I remember correctly, your t will only see people for 2 years. If that is the case, perhaps she has realized that people with BPD need more than 2 years of therapy so she has decided to stop accepting new clients with BPD.

I am sorry this is so upsetting. What would it mean if she did decide to stop treating BPD because of her experience with you? Does that change your relationship with her?

[nottrustin]

It is possible that while she we will continue to see clients with BPD, she is choosing not to advertise specifically that she does. Perhaps she doesn't want to be seen as THE provider for BPD. I am probably not saying it right but it is hard to find people who specialize in Bpd so it would be difficult being the go to person.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Do you feel like she should see people with BPD, did she help you?
I wonder would the answer upset you more. What if she gave you the reason and it wasn't about you but you couldn't help take it personally.
Maybe she has her own reasons like a family member with BPD and she just gets too triggered by clients with BPD

I don't know whether she should or shouldn't see people with BPD. All I know is that she has really helped me.

I'm sure if she gave me a reason and it wasn't personal towards me, I wouldn't take it personally. And if I did, I know she would work with me through it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by magicalprince

You need to take her word for it. If you don't trust her word then you will never trust anything else you figure out about her either.

I've researched her a lot, though didn't find too much. It's hard to trust her, but not because of anything she's done. It's because of all the people who have abandoned me. She knows this. She knows I trust her as much as I can. And my goal wasn't to figure anything out. I was looking up someone else, but since I was on her page, I read it to try to feel a connection. I'm only seeing her once every 4 weeks, so it's really hard on me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I wonder if it might have something to do with balance. I don't have BPD, but I still don't think that my T could fill up her whole client load with people whose needs are as intense as mine are right now. Speaking strictly from a logistical standpoint, I don't think she would have the time or energy to accomodate 20+ clients who need two sessions a week spaced out by 3-4 days, somewhat regular phone contact including evenings and weekends, a perpetually intense therapeutic relationship, etc. Does it mean that I am difficult or needy? Maybe. (I prefer the term "high-maintenance." ) I imagine (though of course I can't know for sure) that many of her other clients need different things from her based on their life stages, relationship issues, diagnoses, etc. So if she is managing her client load well, she is probably seeing an interesting mix of folks and using different skill sets and forging different kinds of connections with each of them. It doesn't mean that she doesn't like working with me or that she can't help me simply because I am sometimes challenging in ways that other people probably are not.

So my point is that your T may have removed BPD from her list of specialties not because of you specifically or because she can't help people with BPD, but maybe because her practice is full in that regard and she doesn't really have "spaces" for more BPD clients at the moment. Therapists are ethically obligated to only agree to take on what they think they can handle, based on their own needs, professional interests, and training. If you're satisfied with how much your T is able to help you, I would try to focus on that and not the mysterious factors that govern how she selects clients. If you are worried that you take up too much of her time and energy, talk to her about that. A good T will have self-care routines and supportive relationships in their personal life to help them deal with the emotional demands of their work, so maybe your T can reassure you about that. I'm not sure whether your T will tell you specifically why she took BPD off her profile, but if you have doubts about her skills, then I do think that you have a right to ask if she is qualified to work with people who have BPD. Hopefully you will feel better if you try your hardest to believe that there are a dozen reasons why your T modified her profile that have nothing to do with you or your diagnosis.

Thank you. This makes a lot of sense to me. Maybe it's not me, but someone else taking up her energy?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

If I remember correctly, your t will only see people for 2 years. If that is the case, perhaps she has realized that people with BPD need more than 2 years of therapy so she has decided to stop accepting new clients with BPD.

I am sorry this is so upsetting. What would it mean if she did decide to stop treating BPD because of her experience with you? Does that change your relationship with her?

This makes sense too. Even though we're not doing long-term therapy anymore, we are doing short-term therapy until she retires. That's a lot to take on. Maybe she realized how much someone with BPD needs especially someone who deals with abandonment issues. I'd still feel bad/guilty though if that were the case. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I've told her this many times. I've even offered to leave. Would it change the relationship? I don't know. Possibly? Because I want her to be there because she wants to be there, not because she feels obligated or responsible for me. And if I'm affecting her job and/or life... That would really bother me. I try so hard to only ask for the things I need and not what I want. I try to stay within her boundaries no matter what. I respect her and value her so much that I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

It is possible that while she we will continue to see clients with BPD, she is choosing not to advertise specifically that she does. Perhaps she doesn't want to be seen as THE provider for BPD. I am probably not saying it right but it is hard to find people who specialize in Bpd so it would be difficult being the go to person.

This could be true too. It is hard to find a T who specializes in both BPD and DBT. No T would want a caseload full of clients with BPD.

[Amyjay]

I agree with the others that it is likely your T is limiting her quota. Some clients have much greater needs than others and it is important for the t to balance their caseload so they don't get overwhelmed. "Needs" is not a negative word here. It is only an assessment of what is required. She may already have 4 or 5 clients with a BPD diagnosis and not be able to responsibly support more than that at a time.

[Erebos]

If she is getting ready to retire then it seems quite a reasonable decision not to take on anymore clients who may require,a much longer term relationship.
To take on clients who are going to depend heavily on you for an indefinite time would be irresponsible if you know you can't be there for them.

I doubt it personal like you think, more likely she has come to understand and respect much more what it is to care for someone in your situation.
All the best.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I agree with the others that it is likely your T is limiting her quota. Some clients have much greater needs than others and it is important for the t to balance their caseload so they don't get overwhelmed. "Needs" is not a negative word here. It is only an assessment of what is required. She may already have 4 or 5 clients with a BPD diagnosis and not be able to responsibly support more than that at a time.

It's hard not to consider "needs" as bad. Needs feel like dependency, responsibilities, liabilities, demands, burdens, etc.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Erebos

If she is getting ready to retire then it seems quite a reasonable decision not to take on anymore clients who may require,a much longer term relationship.
To take on clients who are going to depend heavily on you for an indefinite time would be irresponsible if you know you can't be there for them.

I doubt it personal like you think, more likely she has come to understand and respect much more what it is to care for someone in your situation.
All the best.

My T is not retiring for about another 30 years, according to her. She's also not a newbie either. She has 13+ years experience.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Tomorrow I have a scheduled phone call with my T. I've thought a lot about what you all have said. It doesn't matter "why" she's not accepting BPD clients anymore (though I will still ask her at our next session). What matters is that she accepts me, ALL of me, even the part that has BPD. Right now, it feels like a rejection of that part of me.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

So I was looking for my counselor from the crisis house I stayed at 3 years ago. I went to see if she had a profile on psychology today. (She didn't btw). Well, my saved link to the site is my T's profile. I'm technically not supposed to look my T up anymore (a deal we made). Since I already made the mistake, I decided to read her profile again. I noticed that she no longer accepts Borderline or personality disorders. This really upset me. It feels personal. I emailed her asking if it was because of me, and she said it had nothing to do with me. But I can't help feel like it does. Maybe I take up too much of her time and energy? Maybe I'm a "difficult" client?

How do I not take this personally?

I'm sorry SP, but if your T has a profile on social media, then she's agreeing that anyone can see her!! I don't think you should take her not taking new BLP clients as that is her choice, but she is keeping you! She has made that commitment to you, so I don't think you should take her decision personally. I think we all are difficult clients at times, but it is her job to help & support you. If your T doesn't want her clients to look her up on social media, then she shouldn't be on it!!!! She has the choice. We ALL look up out T's.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't think psychology today is social media? But anyways... My T and I made an agreement. She would give me a card and a transitional object if I agreed to not look her up anymore. She knew I looked her up in the past. I never hid that from her. She never shamed me or told me not to. But with our agreement, I meant it. I always keep my word. But I don't think my T is mad at me. She's not that type of person. I think she believes me that it was a mistake. We'll see next week, but I really don't think she's upset with me. I'm upset with me.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

If I remember correctly, your t will only see people for 2 years. If that is the case, perhaps she has realized that people with BPD need more than 2 years of therapy so she has decided to stop accepting new clients with BPD.

Im not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg. The 2 year limit has always struck me as very strange. It takes me 2 years just to warm up! But i think kecanoe is right. Some things just take time. Not everything is instant.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Im not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg. The 2 year limit has always struck me as very strange. It takes me 2 years just to warm up! But i think kecanoe is right. Some things just take time. Not everything is instant.

Yeah. I know a lot of people here disagree with the 2 year limit. But I'm coping with the new scheduling. It's really hard, but I'm doing it. And each month is getting a little bit easier. She has also added scheduled phone call on the 3rd week to help me through it. At least she's still there both physically and emotionally.

I sent her the email telling her I want to talk about this today on the phone. I hope at the very least she reassures me that everything is okay.

[ScarletPimpernel]

So I talked to my T. You all were right. She said she just doesn't want to advertise that she treats personality disorders. She said that her profile does say that if there's something she didn't list, to contact her to see if she can help. So she will still treat personality disorders if the situation is right. She said that she likes to keep a mix of clients. She also said that sometimes Ts want to treat more of a certain diagnosis to gain more experience/specialization with that area. But it has nothing to do with me and has no affect on our relationship. She said I'm not too much for her and that everything is fine.

I'm so relieved. I love my T.