[tsha]

I have been battling depression for the past few years. I recently began treatment to help resolve child abuse issues. This has created more ups and downs with my anxiety and depression.

My family has asked to meet with me and my tdoc to learn more about what is going on and how they can support me. I am a very poor communicator when it comes to asking for help or revealing things about myself.

I have agreed to this but told them there would be rules. I have some in mind but I wanted to see if anyone has done this before. What rules did you have? Were there any additional rules you would have had based on how it went? How did the session go?

Any help is appreciated
Thanks
tsha

Ok first off you said you are dealing with child abuse issues. When you are dealing with these issues you are going to have more ups and downs. It felt like and still feels like the worst roller coaster ride of my life when I deal with it. So my first question to ask is are the family members the ones that caused the abuse? Are you uncomfortable about them having contact with your T? If so I would suggest that this is not a good idea, it may violate the trust relationship established with your T. There are other T's available to speak with your family, I'm sure your current T can suggest someone that they can speak with instead.

It's nice that they are having some interest in your healing process. I'm also sure your T can provide them with a list of books that will help educate them so they can assist with your healing. You should also discuss, ahead of time, the boundaries with the T, if you plan to do this.

Hope this has helped and good luck in the future. Remember these are very hard issues to deal with, so take periodic breaks from this subject so it doesn't re-traumatize you in the future.

[sunrise]

I would not have the meeting with your T and family members until you have time to plan for it adequately with your T. It may take a couple of sessions to get ready. Also, does your T think this is a good idea and will be helpful? If you decide to go ahead with this, work out with your T what the "rules" will be. Perhaps most importantly, do you really want this joint session? Or is it your family's idea but not something you really want? If the latter, then don't feel pressured to do it. Instead, you could work with your T on improving your communication skills so you could communicate with your family better outside of therapy.

I did bring my husband to see my therapist with me for 9 sessions. We didn't have rules, but my T did warn me I might feel abandoned at times and that some clients can't handle it. He reassured me beforehand that he would not be abandoning me, that he would be right there, even though he was talking to my husband. Just to be patient and he would get back to me. And if I did feel in need of more connection with him, to let me know, and he would give it to me. Even with these warnings of what to expect, there were tough moments.

Also, you didn't say the relationship of these family members to the abuse incidents. If any of them were involved in the abuse, go over this carefully with your T to make sure it is a good idea to meet together.

Good luck.

[ECHOES]

I don't know how to respond in a supportive way. I think it is a difficult thing to consider letting someone in, but even more so when you aren't sure of your own boundaries. If you were sure of your boundaries with them, I don't think you would have asked about rules.

Are these persons directly related to your childhood abuse?

It seems like they are encroaching on your privacy and boundaries but in a veiled way by calling it 'wanting to learn to be supportive.'

Perhaps your family can learn about being supportive from a different T that your T could recommend.

I don't know, but I get the feeling you "agreed" to this without fully being in favor of it. It is behavior not unusual for someone with abuse in their history.

What was T's thinking about this? I hope with T's help that it goes very well.

[tsha]

Thank you all for your responses. These are my siblings and were not a part of the abuse. It wasn't until this past year I even told them about it.

I have talked with my tdoc and I have every confidence that she will be there for me and do as I ask. She has challenged me with the same questions you have. We have talked about what her role will be. We have sort of an agenda. THis will be a meeting, not a session.

I have no intention of discussing any specifics with them; they don't need to know any of it. They want to understand the EMDR process. I want them to understand what all this is about, technically, and also how hard it is for me. I want them to understand what happens to a child psychologically and developmentally under these circumstances.

They are very concerned about me because when I am having a bad day, the day actually lasts several days and gets really bad.

I also have abandonment issues I am working through and I never learned how to ask for help. I want them to be able to help, but I don't know how they can.

Here are the rules I have come up with. I didn't attached them to my first post because I wanted to see what else others came up with.

No opinions about my treatment. No challenging my therapist or decisions. I’ve done the research and these are the choices I’ve made
No discussion of specific events
No bringing up memories
Listen with an open mind. Realize that what you may remember, know or believe may not be my reality.
To avoid misunderstanding, think before speaking; it may not be what you say but how you say it.
Some things may not make sense, don’t expect them to.
Don’t take what is said personally- sometimes it’s just the way it is
I can say no at any time.
I can end the session at anytime
What is said in this session stays in this session as it relates specifically to me