The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch.

Good thinking! And then if someone hits on you, you can just sorta flash the ring at them.

I canceled therapy until August and told him I would contact him then

...and awoke from a 3 hour nap. I was so exhausted. I need stamina. Or a golf cart.

I think I ate my (entire formidably heavy) body weight in sugar today. Wonder why I'm not sleeping? The crash is inevitable.

"Youre gonna need a bigger golfcart."

---- quote from movie Jaws, kinda

Welp I just finished the 2 hour orientation course and took the quiz, so I'm ready for my class to start now. But i have to wait until 8/23. Boo.

The sad feelings are back this evening. Evenings are always the hardest when I'm full of feels...

Or a houseboy. Like Golden Age of Hollywood stars.

Oooh. William Holden. "Im ready for my closeup, mr demille." Or like the Green Hornet had Bruce Lee.

im so confused with my T . i dont know what is real or not

therapy tomorrow. normally i am excited, especially after last week but i feel blah and a disconnect this week, it sucks. hopefully we can sort it all out. hate this feeling

Susan Boyle sings, "Unchained Melody," with such honesty. Exquisite.

I'm listening to it over and over..crying
Thinking, I wish I could sing like that....and, weeping because although I have loved others....I have never been loved like that by anyone.

Susan Boyle Captivates Listeners With 1950s Classic

I recently got a Willie Nelson CD. Its not real new, but i heard a cut of it in some random saturday afternoon movie, like some corny song from the 80s, but the way he did it just blew my mind. Totally not country. But like susan boyle, you get a different appreciation for the talent, its just amazing.

What happened today?

What happened?

just a huge amount of mixed messages . it is making me crazy .i dont know what to think about her leaving .

I love her singing wild horses

I will not email t. I will not email t. I will not email t.

but i want to so bad. i can't stand how we left things the other day.

hello couch.
I always come in, say hello, then end up disappearing.
I'm bad at this.

J (new T) is back today, and I'll see him after work. I'm kind of sad about it, honestly. Because he's not S (ex T). And because I don't really feel anything positive about J being back or seeing him. No relief. The pain I was feeling is still right here, not in any way soothed by stupid J being back. It's just not even close to the same. I feel I could honestly stop therapy with J completely and feel no pain over it -- part of me wants to walk away. I'm actually almost irritated/angry that he's back. IDK. I feel like I had a tiny connection with him before his vacation, but now I don't have any, and I am like... just angry in his direction.

i talked about SA in session, left and started falling apart. was fine in session but not after. it hit me like a brick wall. i struggled a lot and texted T for reassurance but went ignored. ended up relapsing and shooting up drugs in order to numb out and forget it all. i did text him yester and told him about my relapse. i feel so embarrassed and ashamed - about all of it. the SA disclosures and the relapse. so i texted him last night and cancelled until August and said i would contact him then

important (not really) problem of the day - do I replace my flagging 5 year old macbook pro with a new one or do I give windows 10 a shot?

Mac is always the answer.

Of course, get a new Mac.

But, also 5 years? Wow, that's brave. I don't dare run my laptops for more than 3 years max -- burnt my fingers once when I ended up losing all my data and work when the whole thing crashed irrietrievably.

Macs can last a long time!
I've had my macbook 6 years now, and it's still going strong!

That said -- I have nothing important saved locally to the machine.

I agree with Mac!