The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch.

It's been like this lately, forest fires up on mt lemmon they evacuated the little town up there

The Duchess has moved my appt back an hour. I'm guessing she has an emergency session she needs to do before my appt. I like it when she puts them before mine so I still get the end session of the day.

Toooooooo hot

Stay cool art!

3 hours til my session with J, who has been gone for 2 weeks.
What on earth am I going to say...

Rainy rainy rainy rainy rainy day

I think I've gotten myself i to a bit of a hypomanic state. I can't stop painting and when I'm not painting I'm thinking about painting. I get this way with music, too, but music is worse because I'm obsessing with the auditory part of me, and then it feels like my brain is itching. I might have to enforce some limits. I guess not wanting to spend more money on paint would be a good deterrent. But it also keeps me from doing the kind of painting I really want to do, big and messy.

Package received from the post office. The Spider-Man movie was ehhh. My allergies are bothering me more so than normal, so I may take a nap. I don't feel well.

Hugs to everyone who wants/needs.

I'm just the opposite I hate humidity. I prefer our dry heat, just gotta drink a lot of water.

So much for my earlier pronouncement. I want to email t again and see if I can come next week. Somebody stop me please.

It's not letting me reply to anything so this is a test

What would you hope to accomplish by seeing her now?
I'm asking genuinely.

As another couchie pointed out to me the other day, it's what I do. I take all the blame on myself, forgive her, and then I'm entrenched again. I'm working hard to break my usual pattern when things like this happen.

Oh and thank you, that was exactly what I needed to stop me!

So you know what you need to (not) do, then.
I think the timeline that you and T have set up is a really good one. Stick with it.

Youre so... i couldnt think of the word cuz im so old its no longer in my vocabulary! Fickle! Why are you doing this to yourself? Its like youre trying to diet but then you get hungry and eat. And from what i can tell, you dont do THAT to yourself. Which if you could bottle the reason why, you would be a billionairess. I would be the first in line.

Because I'm so used to letting everybody else be right that it feels wrong to know I am right. You know? Ah but I am changing. I fought back. And I came here instead of emailing because I really, really want to stop this pattern. I am determined to. She doesn't get it when I say how will I ever know how strong I can be without coming here if I am always coming here? Why am I being childish for wanting to stand on my own two feet? She called me childish for wanting to end! Not a month ago when we first started talking about it, but a couple days ago.

Tell me to shut up about this now.

I think sometimes this is why some therapists don't engage in long-term therapeutic relationships. It's just as easy for the therapist to become entrenched in a pattern of behavior just like the clients can. If this is a dance you two have done before, then your T might just be thinking, "well, we'll see how it goes this time.

Don't feel the need to stop talking about it, though. If it's helpful for you, then posting here is a good thing. You have so many people here who care about you.

You don't need to shut up about this, art. And if it keeps you from contacting her to grovel, then keep posting.

I'm stunned that she said you were being childish for wanting to quit. She sure does make a lot of pronouncements about you (possessed, not present, childish). On the upside, you at least know what she's thinking. On the downside, you know what she is thinking.

eta: the most my therapist will say about me is that I don't look like what I think I look like--and this is recent, after 2 + years. I think therapists are supposed to let the client come to their own conclusions about themselves.

One more thing then I will hush. At one point Wednesday I said "why am I always wrong?!" And she said "I didn't say you were wrong." I was like well it sure sounded like you did. She said I'm not judging you. I said well I'm feeling very judged right now.

Oh! And I just remembered. She accused me of wanting to go unconscious again. Wtf?

Ugh!!

https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football/chapter-1

Mostly chapter 1... very funny in terms of psychotherapy... ok, maybe only funny to me.

I agree with Daisy, and know first hand it is just as easy for them to become 'attached' to us. Duchess said awhile ago that when it's time to part ways I'll get to grieve it openly with her - but she has to process it on her own time alone. It helped me see it differently I guess. She said that my set time slots that I have had for years will be someone else, and she's not sure she could handle that and may block out that time for awhile until she can process it.

She also told me on Wednesday that she would be more than extremely sad and then she'd be pissed that I didn't tell her before hand... What am I supposed to do seriously how does that work...

Ok I am going to think about my phone interview on Monday now and figure out some rah rah stuff to say about myself.

Thanks y'all. Yes it is very helpful to post here. Thanks for putting up with me.

Hey guys just wanted to check in here.
It's almost 3 a.m here and im EXTREMELY drunk. And happy.
Good night/have a nice day/ whatever

I think if a therapist has an extremely hard time with someone quitting, they need to keep it to themselves. I do think it's okay to say the person will be missed, but trying to act like it is a grieving process and there is an element of wailing and guilt-tripping involved...that's troubling.