[Calilady]

Broke up with my T last Friday by walking out and telling her that I'll mail in her remaining payments (she took that to mean, "F-ckk you, Jessica"- which is so not what I meant).

On Wednesday, she e-mailed and asked if I'd like an appointment and to see if we can move forward and get on the same page. I agreed, went, and left in tears and that overall, it didn't go well. At the end of the session, she was asking, "If I didn't reach out to you, what would have happened? Would you have contacted me? Would you have just started to mail payments in? Would I have heard from you again?"

I'm an avoidant. This isn't a game and I'm not testing her. I want to end it and I don't want her coming back (again), which I don't think she will, being as it just happened and this will be the second time I'm dumping her.

How did you break-up with your therapist?

I find myself wanting to explain, because she's going to just chalk this up to my avoidant issues when it isn't that. Why do I even care what she thinks? Ugh...

[satsuma]

I think this T sounds a bit too needy for a T, in my opinion. It sounds almost like she's angry with you for abandoning her? Doesn't sound very stable. Also her comments that you wrote about on the other thread. In my opinion, I think leaving this T and not getting any further involved in her would be a good way to go.

[Erebos]

" This isn't me, it's you, your skill set and methods are inadequate for my needs at the moment and I thick we can both see I am not moving forward.
There is nothing to be gained by us continuing to work together.
All the best..."

Is how I have fired several T's.

When I feel that I no longer benefit from therapy, or a particular therapist, I tell them so (often via email) and don't go to more sessions.

[Calilady]

Originally Posted by satsuma

I think this T sounds a bit too needy for a T, in my opinion. It sounds almost like she's angry with you for abandoning her? Doesn't sound very stable. Also her comments that you wrote about on the other thread. In my opinion, I think leaving this T and not getting any further involved in her would be a good way to go.

Yes. I've left therapists before...never had those questions posed to me. I think she was hurt and angry and she hurt me back. Never thought she would do that to me.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by Calilady

Broke up with my T last Friday by walking out and telling her that I'll mail in her remaining payments (she took that to mean, "F-ckk you, Jessica"- which is so not what I meant).

On Wednesday, she e-mailed and asked if I'd like an appointment and to see if we can move forward and get on the same page. I agreed, went, and left in tears and that overall, it didn't go well. At the end of the session, she was asking, "If I didn't reach out to you, what would have happened? Would you have contacted me? Would you have just started to mail payments in? Would I have heard from you again?"

I'm an avoidant. This isn't a game and I'm not testing her. I want to end it and I don't want her coming back (again), which I don't think she will, being as it just happened and this will be the second time I'm dumping her.

How did you break-up with your therapist?

I find myself wanting to explain, because she's going to just chalk this up to my avoidant issues when it isn't that. Why do I even care what she thinks? Ugh...

I avoid as well. I had 6 month break last August and I went back to my ex T. We were doing ok and I growing comfortable and then last session we had a trivial issue which just led to me going on a therapy break. I think that she was was rude and I even went as saying to her that it was a stupid argument. She didn't acknowledge me being upset. I told her I was taking a break and she was alright with that. If that's how she functions or wants to function then okay but to leave something trivial up in the air and not acknowledging anything is an issue for me. I still have two payments to give her. One was for my cancellation. I told her that I would give it to her this week because I didn't want to make a special trip for it. I have way to much going on this week. My boys were suppose to be in to see their T but that up in the air as well. So I'll drop off her money in her mailbox. If she would've shown any signs of interest or concern then I wouldn't have quit. The fact that we had the issues and she didn't even care to clear the air in order for it not lead into what it did then I ended it. My T is not going to lose sleep out of any of this and I don't expect her to. I had things to address that day and things that I'm struggling with. Instead I invested my time in an argument. Perhaps if she reached out to solve things it would've been different. I'm glad she answered to where to deposit her session money though.

I surely don't know. Even after the terrible fight I had w mine last week, I couldn't just walk away even though part of me wanted to.

[guilloche]

I think it depends a lot on your relationship with the therapist. A toxic therapist, or one that you have only seen for a few sessions, warrants a quick, "as painless as possible" approach in my book. With one that you haven't seen very long, it's because there's not really enough history to need to "process" with them - with a toxic one, which your T sounds like she may be for you, it's because "processing" with them is pointless, they won't be able to give you a helpful, supportive response and will likely only make you feel worse if you try to talk through it with them. Better to save yourself, get out as cleanly as possible, and use the next one to process the ending if you need to.

Quick ways to end:

- I've canceled the next session via voicemail or email, and not rescheduled. Or, in person if you absolutely have to. This only works if you don't have a standing appointment though, I think. I say something like, "I'm not going to be able to make it next week, and I'm not sure what's going on after that. Let me check my calendar and get back to you." It's a little bit of a jerky thing to do (since they'll be waiting for you to call and schedule your next appointment), but again, if your therapist is toxic and likely to fight with you when you try to quit, it's warranted.

- You can also always say that you "need a break". It sounds less harsh than quitting, like... "I'm going to be really busy with a huge project at work for the next few weeks. I'd like to take a break from therapy to focus on work." The advantage is that this leaves the door open (if they're not awful) to return in the future, if you find you need that.

I think the hardest thing is that if they're not a good therapist to start with, trying to end in person can be messy, because they may fight you on it (a good therapist shouldn't do this, though they may discuss how they see your outlook and whether they recommend that you stay in therapy).

I've had a couple better endings too. One, I had seen for 3 years without making progress... I told her in person that I needed to take a break (I was having some health issues) and she was very supportive, told me what things she thought I'd need to be able to do to get value in therapy, and left her door open for me. It was really kind.

The last therapist... I actually had several ending sessions. I thought I was going to leave once, did an ending session, and changed my mind. Then, six months or so later, I actually quit and did an ending session. Then, several months after I went back... I eventually quit by canceling my next appointment and not rescheduling - I felt bad leaving him hanging, because he had tried to help, but I couldn't do a 3rd quitting session! I did email him to let him know that I was OK, and was following his advice to check out a few other therapists.

With him, the quitting sessions were not terrible. He asked if there was anything that I was upset about or needed to tell him, asked what my plans were, stuff like that... so that I would have gotten some closure (had I actually stayed "quit" - ha! ) For all his faults, I think he handled these well.

Oh! There's also the "find a new therapist on the sly" approach that I've seen some people take! That's where you start meeting potential new Ts on the side while seeing your old T. When you find one you like, you can quit the old one and use the new one to keep yourself feeling stable and supported in the process. I haven't done this, but it seems to work well for some people.

Good luck!