The Couch 147: Maximum Break!

Good morning all. Hugs to all of you who need. I've been up for nearly 2 hours, but was listening to this podcast. It may have changed my life. Seriously.

Capt, T is real. You can make it, but I know it's hard. I have...10 days to go. I've been going to his website some, rereading old emails and texts he's sent me.

T is heading out of the country today. I get to watch his trip on instagram (he told he I could) he is posting on behalf of his church's page. So, I think that will be helpful. Only 16 more days until my next appointment with him!

I emailed T. Shouldn't have done it. Wish I hadn't done it.

Everything is falling apart.

I wish I could pull the email back out of the technological ether it's floating in. Is it in the internet tubes? Is it in the 'cloud'? How do I get it back?

How do I leave my partner? I don't know how.

((Luco))
I wish there was a way to take emails back. I've sent so many that I've later regretted.
If you need someone to listen, (I hope that) you know I'm there for you.

Oh, idk - i think teleportation IS possible, the problem is just that you turn into a fly. The good news is, we wont need such a big room after all, nor any couches - just a nice discarded piece of fruit!

Eta - my older brother made me watch The Fly (the original w vincent price) and other scary movies when i was an impressionable young girl. It changed me!

Isn't that kind of the definition of "not possible?" It's like... yeah, you can jump out off the window in the 10th floor, just not sure if it's such a goooood idea

Hugs, Luco. This will show my age, but I remember when most people used AOL--with that, I think, as long as someone hadn't read your e-mail, you could recall it. I miss being able to do that! Wish I could recall texts, too. Or edit them like a Facebook post, assuming they hadn't been read.

If I send something (particularly to T or MC) and there's no response in a certain amount of time (or if I just start to question what I wrote), I start rethinking what I send, then send another e-mail or text to explain or try to revise what I said. Which is probably really annoying, but I think MC in particular is just used to it at this point.

I'm sure your e-mail is OK, Luco.

And I"m not sure I can really advise you on the partner thing.

I can't forget that awful post T posted almost 6 years ago. I feel betrayed...I don't know why.
I shouldn't have looked through his page. I shouldn't have read so old posts.

I know, people can change...I used to post stupid things too.

But I can't stop thinking about it. I can't tell him because it's stupid.

Huh? What kind of post?

Sexist and insulting to women

Wow, urgs. I think you should definitely ask him about it... really.

But I shouldn't have read it...
Also - 6 years... I'm sure he doesn't think so now.
But it's bothering me

I'd bother me too... why shouldn't you have read it? I think that if it's publicly available, it's ok to read...

this is gonna be a long week until my next session. i hate the waiting. 1 hour is never enough

I'm supposed to see T in an hour

..

Hope it goes well...

my so called "friend" knows i am struggling lately and very depressed, too poor to do anything fun... she gets to interview my favorite singer this week and asked me what to ask him, like are you kidding? just shut up and go away please

Sorry your friend is being rude... maybe she tried to lighten the mood a bit? You could think of a thing you always wanted to know about your favorite singer. I know it's hard, but other people often have a hard time understanding what could upset us...

On my way to see M

therapy went well.

I got a reply. At least he replied.

"Sounds like you were really wobbled by last nights experience"

I don't know wtf 'wobbled' is supposed to mean and it's great to see that Mr. Rogue Apostrophe is also capable of omitting them for no apparent reason.

I feel like he doesn't care.

I just needed to know he was there for me but now I feel like he just hates me for sending him a stupid f***ing email.

I feel so alone.

'Wobbled'. FFS.

Hope it goes okay, Anais.

Like I'm a f***ing weeble or something.