The Couch 147: Maximum Break!

Thanks LT, ruh roh, atat. I think at this point I just need to be out. I can understand her getting upset with me over scheduling. I was the one that said ok to the break initially. I should have either said I didn't want that long of a break yesterday instead of changing my mind and emailing. This is my fault. It just hurt to hear what yes sounded like an ultimatum now when I was wanting to end in Nov anyway. I'm confused. She said she wanted to talk about scheduling but I don't know when this talk is supposed to be. I feel too chastised to email her back and tell her that I am out. I just haven't said anything back. I don't even know if at this point I want a last session to say goodbye. Maybe I'll just write a snail mail letter to say goodbye.

For me it's about the bread-to-spread ratio. My ideal pbj has peanut butter on both sides to keep the bread unsoggy, with the jam like a packet in the middle but as close to the edge as possible, sealed in by the peanut butter. Committing to an uncut sandwich of this is risky and sloppy. If it's on the diagonal, the corner bite is a mouthful of peanut butter alone. Cut directly in half gives the best balance of ingredients.

Why diagonal for other sandwiches-- I don't know for certain. I will have to think on this. I think it's visually pleasing to have the wider surface area displayed by the diagonal cut.

To put a less negative spin on it: Is it possible that she's just trying to schedule her vacation time, since she's taking part of August off, and that's why she needs to know what you want to do for scheduling now?

OMG this is so beautifully put. I did not even know there could be a way to describe this, especially the part about the jam being in like a packet and close to the edge, but held by the pb. The whole dynamic is lost with a diagonal cut.

Well, I can't know your therapist, but if you are ready to throw in the towel over this anyway...why not just ask for what you really want, which is no break? You wanted to have an ending that you controlled, that felt good and complete and honored your relationship. I would ask for that again. If she says no to that, then baby...she has got real issues, not you.

I don't so much want to quit now. I just feel like I have to. I don't want to fight w her anymore and I feel like every time I turn around lately I've done something I have to apologize for. I'm not doing it intentionally or with malice but I think she thinks I am.

I don't think you have to apologize for anything - I think you tend to go there regardless of what is happening. I would think it might be prudent to ask her directly if she believes what you think she believes. It does seem to me, as an outsider who does not know the whole situation, that sometimes you react in extremes to things you think are happening but really might not be.
My position is to let the therapist take care of themselves and go in and do what it is you need or want to do.

Art - if I had the power to ban you from saying four words forever, they would be "this is my fault." Because not only is it just beating up on yourself, it's not even true. Most interpersonal situations don't have a fault.

As for "I feel like every time I turn around lately I've done something I have to apologize for," that was how I felt about life with future ex. And you know - that's just as much if not more the responsibility of the other party.

You said in Dear T that it's your fault because of your neediness and lack of emotional control. Guess who was supposed to be helping you learn to deal with those things?

Hey i did it for the first time a few weeks ago, so im a total newbie at it. Sometimes if you just let them fester, theyll surprise you. And i think i just turned around my own metaphor. Well, if not me, then who?! Stopdog cant do everything around here

Eta - we are here to support you in your journey. Its a labyrinth.

What are you, canadian?

Where's Ariadne when you need her?

Eta: as a point in CW's favor, yesterday I learned she is familiar with Dylan Thomas, specifically "Do not go gentle into that good night." (The subject of villanelles came up.)

I don't like mine cut either I'm a both hands eat ma' sammich kinda gal.

I would cut all sandwiches into bite size pieces with each piece having exactly the same proportion of ingredients to bread if I could.

Do I leave for the airport now and arrive 4 hours before my flight or do I sit here at my desk in my office and putz around for another couple of hours before leaving?

I'm not good at waiting, can you tell?

I think i hafta go lie down. No wait, i already am lying down. Its against guidelines to say whay what im thinking, but omg i never thought id see the day. Maybe i better get up!

Lol! You are such a socialist!

But, isn't socialism all about "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need"?

In this case then, if you take the bread as the recipient of ingredient goodness, certain bread areas will have to receive more or less than the norm?

On the other hand, if you take the bread as part of the production process....wait you'll still come to the same conclusion i.e., all areas of the mouth will be treated equally (in an inter-temporal sense as well)?

My sole criterion would be whether or not there's room in my budget to go to the silly airport bar. If yes? Definitely go now

Wouldn't that be more tone-a moan-a?

Sandwiches are all about the bread, the filling is optional. My family used suffer with my sandwich making as I crammed all the filling into the middle and left perhaps a half inch no filling zone around the edge, the best bit of bread

There is room in the budget... But methinks that I don't want to risk drinking when I'm on my way to see husband and he knows like everyone else in my life I'm not allowed to.

There may be a baseball game on at the sports pub though....

Perhaps I'll go to the airport and people watch, and snag a seat by an outlet so I can have 100% when I get onto the plane.

Alright, I'll get off of my lazy duffet and go to the airport. Check in with y'all laters.

PS - thanks for being my friends.

Sorry i killed the couch.

All of this talk about sandwiches make me think about how little I actually think about sandwiches...except how much I still hate the crust.