If I Went Back

If I went to yet another new therapist, I would flat out say I have the disorders I was diagnosed with. Rather than how in the past, I'd tell them all my problems and ask what's wrong with me.

But then what?

Hello. I'm T and I have BPD. Then what?

The last t said I wouldn't have been happy with anyone. Why do that say such things? Especially to someone with BPD who ruminates about those words and takes them to heart.

They'd tell me to use DBT skills and cope. That's what I'm doing. So, who needs them?

The best tennis players have a coach.

Not all Ts make a big deal about having BPD. Mine didn't. She hardly ever mentioned it in 7 years. She just helped me with my problems and said she doesn't believe in diagnoses. I did DBT while I was seeing my T, and sometimes she asks if I am using the skills, but she's not a DBT T. I think you can find a good T if you want to, and don't pay attention to what your former T said. That was a cruel statement!

Hi Tisha,

In my view, BPD is a catch-all diagnosis therapists currently use for unregulated feelings that they don't know how to help people with, except to "prescribe" DBT.

I was never diagnosed with BPD. I had something BPD-ish "underneath" or compartmentalized from an over-controlled "outside" personality. Then when I followed what I understood to be therapists' "expert" instruction (which is what an overcontrolled, outwardly compliant personality would do, wouldn't you expect?), to get in touch with my feelings, that's why emerged.

So, DBT was a waste of time and money for me. I already had "coping skills". Just cut the feelings off and rationally decide what was required! Except -- that led to personal unfilfillment and misery.

So -- sounds like you have your feelings, all right. That's good!

I like unaluna's idea -- what you need is a coach. (We know you didn't have a good role model in your mom.) But one with a psychological background, not just a simple certification (or none) like some have these days. I think I needed one, too, and didn't find it. Didn't know that's what I needed either, when I was looking on all my "symptoms" as something to be "treated". BUT I wonder if there isn't a therapist or someone out there who might be able to understand that and, if so, help. Even if that isn't a currently common treatment model.

I agree with rainbow, too, about your ex-T. Really useless piece of "analysis". I don't see how she expected you to "use" that to help yourself in any way. I agree that in this case the comment has no useful content and you don't need to pay any attention to it, except to recognize it as the sort of thing you don't want in another T. (Easy to say, hard to do, I know.)

Not much advice here, but I just want to offer you some support.

I'm really sorry to hear what your previous therapist said. I don't have BPD, but even *I* would be very upset with that.

The only suggestion I have is maybe consider writing a letter to this new T. I did that with my current T to give her some background info on me, and she was able to help me out much more than I thought she would be able to. I even told her what upset me about therapy and what doubts I had.

I had gone to see her one time 7 years ago. She listened to my situation and said, "you just really don't like your h, and you should just divorce him." I went home and told my h that's what she said, he got furious, and I never went back.

But when I went back to her (after burning through several more unhelpful t's over the years), she looked at her notes and said, "you have EDD, I wrote that in my notes 7 years ago."

Then she makes that deflating comment among other comments, and I didn't go back to her again.

And I told her how I was feeling much better and in control of myself, how I will not be SH and feel that is behind me. And she says, "I'm not so sure."

This stuff just drives me mad. I take those comments to deeply to heart and can't let it go.

I don't know what to do now. I had a really bad weekend and cried all day yesterday, our wedding anniversary. While I wish we could be loving and content, it goes down the well to the opposite direction.

I feel helpless to do anything now, and just pray for God to act for me.

Thank you. If I have to confront her, I think it'll just make me look even more disordered. She's proven herself to be triggering for me, so I just move on.