Crying question

I've only cried in front of my T once. And I wouldn't really say it was a real cry. A few tears escaped my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I had always told my T he would never see me cry - I cry in private, by myself. I thought for sure he would make a remark about my tears, but we just kept talking like normal. (Though I know inside he was doing a little victory dance.)

I did not see your post before I post, so was not referring to you post. Where I am the internet is like molasses. This question has come up before on this forum and other forums. I think people have to do what works for them and their therapist in therapy. Before this therapist I didn't even no a therapist would sit on the same sofa with me. I have nothing against business as usual.

Once t gave me the box of tissues. Since then she just stops talking for a moment. I rarely cry and when I do it is very short and I pull it together.

At the program where I work we ask people NOT to give other patients tissues. We find that it interrupts the flow and the emotions that the client is feeling.

awesome!
mine hugs me end of session but when i asked about his response to crying patients it made it seem he is more likely to sit and be quiet like most T's on this thread, which is not exactly useful for me. makes me want to fight the urge to cry even more.

i would rather have the comfort factor because its not something i ever get from humans. you are lucky

Victory dance! That's a good way of putting it. I'm fairly new to seeing my therapist, but I can't see myself ever full on crying. I have a hard time showing emotions infront of others and always prefer to cry alone. Sometimes I get paranoid that my therapist will be disappointed if I don't fully cry, but I don't think this is realistically the case. My voice broke a few times with sadness a couple of sessions back, which was the closest I've gotten to crying. My therapist just paused and kept listening, didn't acknowledge me getting choked up, although I commented it was a big step for me and he seemed proud. I told a therapist friend of mine about choking up and she said all therapists are secretly proud the first time their client cries--it means therapy is working! It was a big step for me to even allow myself to choke up briefly. So the victory dance I think is probably totally true, in the nicest possible way.

My T has been encouraging crying since the beginning but it's been almost 2 years and nothing happened. I think I'm stubborn like you. At the beginning I didn't want to give him that satisfactions, now I feel a little different about it. He does notice every time my eyes get just a little watery which only happened a handful times. We talked about it couple times and I was also worried what his reaction would be. He just said I would be cared for. Not sure what exactly that means. Knowing him, he would probably talk to me softly like when he does when I get sad, which almost feels like a verbal hug that someone already mentioned. I wouldn't want him to physically comfort me when I'm upset but I don't think he would do that.

This resonated with me.

I think that if I did start to cry, there would be emotions very open and vulnerable.

It feels like if he made any move or offered me anything in the moment it would shut it off.

I would feel like I had been needy and a bother. Almost like I had done something wrong.

It feels like to just be able to be that vulnerable and open, in the presence of someone you trust and feel safe with, knowing you wouldn't get "in trouble", would be a healing in itself.

It bothers me to think that a therapist would walk out, if you started to cry.

There would be such a feeling of abandonment, for me. Re traumatizing.

I guess if that's what the client wished and worked for them. If someone wants to cry alone, it would be out of respect.

I cry all the time so I am probably not good to ask. I cry when sad or angry or tired or hungry, it's ridiculous and I hate it. My T just follows my lead and we continue on, there are tissues on the side.

Sometimes my T cries a little too. Sometimes she talks like she's trying to put words to my tears. Sometimes she just sits there.

We spent a lot of time talking about why I don't like crying in front of people (including my T). It's only been in the last 8 months that I've been able to cry a little bit here and there in session, and I've been seeing my T for almost 3.5 years.

I cry often in my sessions. She just rolls with it - sometimes hands the tissue box to me if there's not one close to me. Most of the time there's at least 2 near the couch. I wouldn't say she so much "ignores" it, it's more, she accepts it, yeah, just rolls with it. Waits me out if I'm sobbing too hard to talk. Been awhile since it's been that bad, thankfully.

I cried on my T starting at the very first session. I started therapy (this round) to deal with a life altering event and the grief it was causing. I cried every session for a while. I was crying all day at work, all night... I was a mess. I think she might have handed me the tissue on that first visit. From then on, it was just always in reach. Now, oh, I don't know. I'll go several sessions without crying or with only slight tears then I'll have a major crying session. She's seen me cry many different ways from disassociated and bawling to a single tear drop.

She has never touched me as a form of comfort. Depending on the level of distress, sometimes we just keep moving forward, sometimes she gives me time to sit with the feelings, sometimes she holds me with her nonverbal and verbal communication, ... it really depends on the level of crying and how well I am managing it all. She has had to learn some on how to read me to try to determine what it is I need from her at any given time.

I've only asked for a hug after one of these sessions 1 time and she redirected me to a handshake which is the only discussed level of touch that we've agreed to. There have been times that I have wished she would hold me and let me cry on her shoulder, that she would rub my back, or some other form of physical comfort. When I am in those places I really want it. However, when I've moved through those places to the other side, I feel that with my transference, it could be confusing to have that level of touch. I have let her know that, so I am not sure if the withholding is because of the information I have shared or if it is her policy. She does a great job of holding the space and letting me feel held without touching me.

There has been only 1 times that I felt she also was on the verge of crying. I have never seen her cry. Though, I can't say there in the beginning she didn't have tears because I rarely looked at her.

I kind of don't get the not crying in front of a T - but then, each to their own.

I feel the same way. I think if I did let myself really feel those emotions and cry, any movement he would make would probably shut me off. In fact, him noticing my eyes softening in one of the session in the beginning probably shut me off because I feel like he really sees me and being exposed feels really scary for some reason.
Now I wish I could let it go because I know he is safe but every time I get close part of me just stops me

Yes! I agree with what you said. It sounds like my experience also.

I don't have any words.

Thank you!

T gets me tissues / paper towels. Because otherwise, I'll stand up and get them myself, and automatically stop crying and shut off my feelings.

i think if i ever cry, ill just move closer to at him at least

to feel something of a connection. i doubt i ever will though, I've teared up, turned away quickly and wiped my eyes and he has commented. i was very weirded out he noticed so i am very aware of it now and try not to

I feel the same way. I think I was freaked out first time he notice my eyes get wet. Not even tears but now in too aware of him paying attention to everything. Sometimes I think we have the same therapist