The Couch 148: Boby

I love that song, but the Beach Boys are a bad sign for me as it signals a manic episode if I play them too much

I never knew the beach boys did it till just now when I googled the lyrics. I only know it from learning to play it with a music group. So I only know our version of it. It's one of my favourites to play.

Before I go into any class for the first time - I play vivaldi and do this from All That Jazz (but without the speed)
It's Showtime

or the shorter

T. Will. Die when he hears. I have a new theme song. Im. Dying. Now.

Is that all?? I was picturing you in black tights and a feathery sequin hat!

Oooh, maybe SD can come with me to ballet class?

No - I am just the chain smoking choreographer.
Jazz Hands.

This really tickled me. Especially my internal narrator reading "jazz hands" in the most deadpan tone possible.

This fabric was probably from around the same era or so, I recycled it from a skirt my mom made herself in high school!

I will be the provider of insipid, out of tune piano accompaniment liberally sprinkled with obscure musical quotations of 15th century motets and 80s hair band tunes.

Yesterday my theme song was that bastardized version of "on top of spaghetti," it turns out. That crap was in my head all day. I finally banished it and then art made "spaghetti."

For some unknown reason I have had All Good Gifts from Godspell stuck in my head for a couple of days.

If you take away the piano part and throw in some big band music, wind ensemble, and 70's soft pop- this is sort of what my playlists look like

"Something's Always Wrong" by Toad the Wet Sprocket (circa 1994). That is my permanent theme song.

I had "The Farmer in the Dell" in my head this morning.

I could cry. RoboT just texted me to confirm Saturday's appointment. He's still alive and wants to see me again for some reason.

The song I always get stuck in my head is "Ventura Highway."

I love that song, UnderRug.

Looks like the car isn't as bad as imagination thought it would be. I love catastrophising because I always feel so much better when the world does not explode

So you guys - I had such a slap-my-forehead realization driving home from work today that I had to pull over in a parking lot to write it down. It was this: ever since my grandma passed away like 38 years ago, I've got this deep-seated need for maternal approval both emotional and otherwise (mostly emotional) and I let t fill that need. And instead of working with it as deeply as I should have, I just continued to let her meet that need, and I became too emotionally dependent on her, instead of letting her help me learn how to meet it for myself. Maybe she never pushed it because she thought it would happen in its own time and that we were both going to still be around to let it.

And I also had another realization during work today because it was not super busy and I had time to think between calls - and rubbing my rose quartz like a worry stone while I was thinking - that we already forgave each other for the fight that launched all this bad stuff, but I had not forgiven myself yet (why is that so hard to do?) that was something I worked with on Sunday with E during my shamanic clearing - but I realized that by me not forgiving myself, I'm like dissing her forgiveness of me!! And she probably somehow picked up on that. That's powerful stuff right there.

Good golly Miss Molly but this had to happen this way. I AM beginning to see it as a gift - something that I am already growing from - and maybe, just maybe, my psyche KNEW this was the only way I was going to get to this bit of work - and so that was the super-strong drive to end that I've been feeling, not knowing why, but just knowing I needed to do it.

I hope this makes sense to somebody besides me. It seems so crystal-clear at the moment. And I didn't have any tearful waves of emotion today. I expect that the time between them will increase as time goes by.

Thank you all again SO much for your support as I wade through this "Leaving T". I've never had a relationship quite like this one in my entire life, and so I've never had to leave one like this either, and it's really a huge learning experience.

Religion and faith are some of those things that I really don't like talking about (because my history with my faith is so sordid), but the way I think about those moments is that God/higher power will put us in positions to learn a lesson or grow when so often the why isn't obvious to us until much later. So you talk about that need to end, Art, but you didn't know why. Perhaps this is indeed your why. It makes so much sense to me. Moments like what you've described are so powerful, and I love them.

Thanks daisydid. That was very eloquently put. I'm so glad it makes sense to you! And I think that like you said this is indeed my why.

Going to see them in concert tonight. Hope they do this song - since I'm going through a bit of a change myself right now.

That would have to be my fave LRB song. They are not the same without Glenn Shorrock, I saw him live a couple of years ago and his oesteoporosis is real bad

That is how i feel too! Thougghhhhhh...through random art pages on Instagram, I've started following people who sell crystals. Mainly, I think they are pretty <3
So glad you are doing okay today, JDNA. I sort of want to give you my phone number for texting if you feel in crisis. Is that weird?
LOL. I legitimately laughed out loud reading this, SD. hehehe.