The Couch 149 : Boby Lives On!

She is a cat idiot. Although it sounds like an extremely misguided attempt to be nice.

A kittyidiot.

Eta - its friday night, and im straightening up my foyer - hallway. I never start chores this early into the weekend. Somebody take my pulse. This must be zombie luna.

Hahaha. I just texted RoboT accidentally. My coteacher emailed me earlier and I was confused about what she sent me. So I texted "I'm confused by your email. Did [PRINCIPAL] respond or are you just sending me the original?"

I thought I clicked on her name, but I must have clicked RoboTs by accident. Do I text him back to explain/apologize? It has my boss's name in it, so it should be obvious that it was an accident.

I've been doing stupid things today.

You mean kitidiot? Kittydiot?

It's probably my good influence. Where's the pat self on the back emoji?

Daisy, I'd just send another message that said "oops, that was clearly sent by mistake."

You're right, thanks skeksi!

Yep, that's what I'd do, too!

Well that was a non issue. He just sent back "not a problem."

H is off work, so need to figure out dinner then off to bed. Night all! Sorry for being...needy (?) today. Not sure if that's the right way to describe what I'm feeling. Sorry.

i want so much water right now

I happen to know one of L's clients brings her guinea pig. I found this out because one day I had the next appointment and there was a big pile of paper towels where I usually sit- the thing had peed on the couch.

I think it would be useful to bring my dog to a first interview with a therapist. He's a good judge of character.

I went to the class thing. I am a little shaken up. It was nice in a lot of ways. It was yoga-based, all easy slow stuff on the floor, in the dark with guided breathing. Very relaxing.

There was a touch-based component too, which is what I was very much wanting but also a little afraid of. The bodyworker came around to me and the first thing she did was touch my right hand. Perfectly safe gesture. What came to mind immediately was , and I have a permanent injury there. I started tearing up and feeling stupid at the same time- I can't have normal good experiences, I shouldn't be here, this is why I don't let people touch me, this is why I don't socialize. And then I silently berated myself for feeling that way.

She let go and reached for my left hand but this time her hands were shaking. She did not come back to me at all.

I feel like a leper.

I miss M. He isn't afraid to hold my hands.

I am trying so hard right now to stick with what was good about the class and not have a total meltdown

My dad can rot in hell. **** him, **** him, **** him

Bags are chairs, flowers and the pineapple are couches. Blue tape are windows. Little hat person, me. Big hat person, Duchess. Sunglasses, mini fridge. Mo-ped is the desk. Single hat, her reading chair. Black word tape, library. Yellow, lamps she never has on when I am there. Earrings are end tables. Black clip, short filing cabinet that acts as a side table for tissues, paper, and pen. The big hat and the little hat people are fitting since I am in a slightly unnerving way a mini duchess.

On another note.... Duchess Mal seemed bewildered as to why I would use the word scarred in a positive way. Out of my own curiosity, does anyone else here see that word as a positive thing? I can see her point but I also can see the other side as well.

Something good can scar you forever. A scar is permanent, can be either good or bad? To me it can, and I guess that's what matters.

I don't like sitting on the couch, bcs I don't know what to do with my arms.

this is really creative, i like it.

I am alittle late but the paper are the walls, the things between the chairs is a small glass table with tissues and a clock on it. the chairs are massive leather recliners T is the dog I m the hedgehog. The yellow thing is like a big hall table that sits behind T the blue thing is his 3 massive bookcases the lamp thing is a small ikea lamp and the bed is is his massive wood and gglass desk. The desk sits under the window.

Bought myself flowers for moving forward in an area of my past I have been struggling with.

What a beautiful thing to do for yourself. Proud of you for doing such good, difficult work.

Good work EM.

sorry i shouldn't have said anything.

You're right. I am just paranoid.

I haven't held my rose quartz crystal this evening since before I left work 7 hours ago. This is the longest it has not been in my hand or in my pocket since E gave it to me last Sunday. It's really been a big help to me as a touchstone for remembering to feel love and compassion for myself instead of inviting back in the guilt and shame that have always been my constant companions, especially since the t incident. Must be progress!! Earlier I started feeling sad again and didn't go get the crystal, simply reminded myself in my head and that was enough. It will be on my night stand again tonight though. I keep mentioning it so thought I'd share a pic.