The Couch 149 : Boby Lives On!

(and, OH.)

I'm supposed to return to work tomorrow after taking a week off, but I'm not sure I'm ready. There was a big event in my life about a week ago that I found kind of traumatic emotionally. My husband was arrested. It was on the local news. At least one person at work saw the news and knew it was related to me. I told one other person that I thought I could trust about the event. I had to tell my boss what was going on and I also told him about some of the abuse that had been happening in my marriage and why I had been unable to focus lately. I don't know if anyone else knows. I don't know what to say if people ask me how my vacation was. It wasn't really a vacation for me. I cleaned up fire damage. I sat around crying a lot. My abuser got thrown in jail. I had to testify in front of a grand jury. I can't say any of that. I'm so ashamed of everything, not just this event but what my life has become. I'm afraid that if people find out the way he was treating me they'll either belittle it (which has been my experience so far, because the abuse was mainly emotional) or treat me like a victim to be pitied. Any suggestions for how to deflect the inevitable questions?

I am on a chat customer service line for my internet provider reiterating again and again "cancel my service." I've said that about ten times and he keeps trying to offer me deals.

Possibly I wouldn't have had to wait two hours if they actually did what the customer asked for right away.

We're getting ready to cancel our home phone service, and I expect it will go in a similar fashion. Working in customer service on the phones myself, I get that they are probably required to try to keep customers if possible, but ignoring your request that many times is ridiculous!! I think that when someone tells me no at work, I should respect that, so I do.Even though I lose points in quality for it and get coached on it. if they say no, I believe them and do what they ask. I refuse to harass people who have already told me what they want.

There's five weeks, I guess. Only I'm not moving out until Tuesday night.

Well I'm all packed anyway. To say I am extremely anxious about this isn't even a sixth of what I am feeling. I kind of want to give up on being a human. It isn't working out so well for me lately.

Art, I totally get the smoke and mirrors reference, and I also understand the point you were making in the other thread. I think you're doing some difficult and valuable work to sort through what's right for you.

I have been in a tangle over the smoke and mirrors for a while now and have been talking to my therapist about what's real and how therapy is a construct. It came to a head over something in my real life that is definitely smoke and mirrors and it had gotten me all in a battle over what is fake and what is real. Anyway, my therapist countered that everything is a construct of one kind or another--influenced by our own way of thinking and perspectives fed by history, etc.--what's real is what we take from it. So you are taking what's real from your therapy, regardless of what your therapist is or isn't (or what you thought/think she is). It's freeing in way--at least, for me it is right now.

I just came across an interesting quote. "Anger is sad's bodyguard and shame's hit man."

Never thought about anger that way before. It's helping me and I thought it may be helpful to someone else.

In other news, just woke up from a 2 hour nap. Ready to go back to sleep but I need to go to the store tonight for a couple of things.

I made millions!!!!


Jk I lost $10

p u r d y

https://cloud.tapatalk.com/s/597e5a9b...132044_719.mp4

Thanks for getting it and understanding. That means a lot! I think this work I'm doing now is valuable as well, and you guys here are helping so much with that. I think that's what it's all about for me - figuring out what is right for me instead of what I think other people think should be. You know?

I also like what you said about "what's real is what we take from it." And yep I'm taking what's real from my therapy regardless of what t is or isn't. Separating the two is what's so difficult. IF that makes any sense.

I appreciate so much being able to talk through this stuff on the couch. SO much!!

Sorry you lost money, DNA.

Art, I'm glad that you're able to post here and get the support that you need from everyone else.

You're one of the "everyone", you know!

Thank you.

I know, I guess I'm realizing how valuable our little community is today, and I'm happy that you're getting the support that you need.

Unless there is anyone at work you are close enough with that you have shared details already, I would suggest keeping it between you and your boss. Unless people have already proven they deserve your trust, this might not be a great first step with that (I say this only because trusting people with Big Stuff has often backfired for me at work).

If people ask, I would say, oh, it was a personal situation I had to attend to, but I'm fine and so glad to be back at work! And then start a work-related conversation, like "what have I missed here?" In my experience, if people don't get details, they move on. You can also use "Oh, it's a long story and I don't want to get into."

Hopefully you can slide back into work mode quickly!

Yeah, I tried to start sharing some details about what was going on with two women and I got totally useless/massively hurtful comments like:

• Just tell him you don't like being called a sl*t.
• I don't think you really want to leave him.
• Do you enjoy him treating you that way?

This just left me feeling even more alone and unable to share when the abuse started turning towards the physical.

People just do not get emotional/verbal abuse at all.

Sigh. I'm not feeling as low as I was earlier, but still pretty down. I felt like I'd burdened H and PC enough with my BS, so I called my stepmom. She was out with friends. Someone had come into town and they were picking her up at the airport. I forgot she's going to some kind of convention this week. So instead of talking about RoboT drama, I decided to update her on the fertility stuff and end the call. I think she could tell that I was sad. I'll manage. I always do.

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg. i stayed at a relative's place up in NH the past 4 days, and was bitten alive by what i thought were mosquitoes, though it was weird no one else was so effected...and the itching is MADDENING. I flew home this morning and counted about 85 bites.

I slept most of the day, and then found out there were BED BUGS on the mattress i was sleeping on. OH. MY. GOD. Besides lice, this is my worst nightmare in terms of bugs in the house.

I am calling the pest control tomorrow...and have thrown my clothes in the washer, but EWWW. I am pretty sure i have recent bites too.

I want to burn everything down.

Oh my OMG

That is literally one of my worst nightmares

Burn everything down

I am so sorry

From friends who have had your experience-- put everything you had with you on the trip in sealed plastic bags. Headlice-style.

I would like to burn everything down as well...including myself. I did put my luggage in a trash bag, and threw it in my trunk as heat will help kill them...but that was about 8 hours after i had been home

Godspeed to you

Oh hell! I haven't done the stats course and I have no ieda what a CIE is or an ANOVA at least I know what a t-test is.

ETA I think it stands for confidence interval estimate, that makes a bit of sense to me

Just wanted to offer my support... I'm sorry this happened to you and that your work situation is just making things worse at the moment.
If nothing else helps... Maybe just say "yes, the vacation was useful" and leave it at that?

I hope you can get the support you need to get through this.

Bcm? So long till you see your T again? That's an eternity... is he on vacation?

I need a new engine in my car and I can't save up enough and see my T at the same time.

Oh wow :-/ That just sucks... I think that you really need the support he offers right now...

Have you asked T id you could pay him later or anything? Anyone that could loan you money?

We're here for support if you need us...