The Couch 149 : Boby Lives On!

Artie, for me, longing was part of the work. Having worked thru it with t is what keeps my head on with the gosling, for example. Otherwise i'd still be following people home like a stray puppy. Okay, I still do, but not nearly as much as before!

t comes back tomorrow

t comes back tomorrow

Do you get to see him tomorrow, or is Sunday your next day? Definitely don't have anyone's schedule memorized.

Can he bring mine back with him

Can he bring mine back with him

I'll trade with you. Yours comes back from vacation and mine can go on another one. Ugh.

Y'know una, I think you're right, it probably should be part of my work - so my t really f'ing missed the boat when she asked me that question the way she did. the question sounded very accusatory to me. maybe that's just my stupid head. but i felt accused and shamed.

Yes I will tell him

Done. If you want to see M you're free til Sept 7th.


Or if you really need a break you can wait to see L til October 2.


GUYS HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS

I don't have poll anwers but I listened to a very interesting TED talk on the science of happiness today. In a nutshell our brain has a built in survival mechanism that helps us to he happy in our circumstances ( not like torture or whatever, but like, getting a new job, better house, more money does not generally make people happier even though everyone thinks it will).....but in capitalistic western countries we are basically taught this is fake ( researcher wss American, can't vouch for all cultures etc but he made a general statement). Being happy in your current circumstances and not feeling the need for something better is "settling" and looked down upon....becausr consumerism requires us to want new things or the economy tanks...we only want happiness from achieving/winning etc not just happiness from INSIDE ourselves.



Likewise I think we look at relationships as needing to be 100% natural to be valuable, even though that naturalness is an illusion ( the majority of people you are friends with come into your life due to certain commonalities--work, kids, shared interest etc--- not two souls inextricably drawn to each other). Again we want the relationship to be about something we did to EARN it


So "you are paying them to be your friend " is an attack, an insult, the same as saying " your boyfriend could have anyone , he is just settling for you" .


Just my 2 cents. The TED talk is fascinating. The brains ability to influence our level of happiness based on what we already hsve works even in patients with short term memory loss who can't remember what they have consciously

One day at a time, and with the support of people who care about you

Sorry if I've upset you. Not what I wanted to do.

Longing and anything around it is a very difficult subject. Remember all my stories about asking t if he was gonna stop by my apartment on his way to or from the airport? And he doesnt leave town very often. But each time felt like practice for my feeling less ashamed and embarrassed about what i wanted to talk about. It took a lot of times. I never even got there with any other t, i just couldnt. So, just sayin.

I would have said BEFORE that i could talk about anything with anybody? But that was a false self. Now i know what it means, and it feels more thoughtful, and its really me. I think you do a lot of that with your son. H, i cant tell. He has his own agenda (nothing wrong with that). Your son is more innocent?! Like i cant reach my brother, but my SIL, no problem really.

Nah don't worry I was already there, I've been good and upset about it for about a week without anyone egging me on


I just feel like in the past week I've already punched out my PC card. Dunno how much more anais you can all stand.

I'm glad it didnt fall into the kitty litter!

Longing is something I mentioned in my e-mail to MC Monday night. Since that's part of what comes along with the paternal transference, when it feels particularly strong, like in session on Monday from when he was hugging and rocking the pillow and talking in a soothing voice like it was a baby. Once in the past, I referred to it as "generalized longing"--like part longing for him as a paternal figure, part longing for what I wish I'd had as a kid, part just longing for something that I can't even articulate. I get the sense it's common in therapy, as the therapeutic relationship awakens a need we'd suppressed or forgotten we had.

Thanks for sharing that. I'm feeling emboldened to really dig into this with her if she'll let me. I wonder how much we could accomplish if she'll let me come once a week through November? I am willing to commit to that, after all the thinking/work I've been doing the past 2 weeks. I wouldn't be able to commit to weekly sessions longer than that, but I would for that length of time.... my thoughts have really gone around full circle on this huh?