The Couch 150: Ceci n'est pas un couch

How are you craving drama in this instance?

By posting about how I'm being all bitter and hoping whoever they chose over me fails spectacularly.

For sure under $160... never stayed at an airbnb... will look into it!!

That's assuming you want to stay in the city though..... you can probably get down to around $100-120 if you're willing to drive in, but then I don't know anywhere specific and parking is a total b.

I don't think that's craving drama.... I think that's blowing off some steam (with a tiny bit of fantasies of future schadenfreude)

Art, I say what I say not from a judgmental place, but I do deal with this. I wonder if "craving drama" is the wrong way to think about it. Some people are used to being exposed to chaos and drama. I am. My life even prior to my birth has been riddled with drama. So when things are going relatively well, it doesn't sit well with me. I don't trust calm and peace; it feels tenuous. So I latch onto drama as comfort. Like it fulfills my worldview? I hope that made sense. I'm so tired that I literally fell asleep in my dinner.

Art, I would look at ageism first. That sounds like a hokey excuse to me. "You seemed nervous". Totally indefensible. What does that even mean? Did you throw up on them? But they cant say, "you seemed old."

I did tell t something like this. That I don't so much like it or want it but it's kinda what I know....

I concur.

Art, are you passive? Do people influence you easy? Are they able to sway your view on things from one end of the spectrum to the other?

I have interviewed people for jobs and appearing nervous for some jobs is a tick in the no box. For me, it is often wanting to hire someone I don't think I will have to take care of.

The craving drama thing is something my person had - the highs and lows were something she sought out - she could not just be comfortable. It was either really super great high or despair low. My stodginess was comforting to her and she always came back to it - but it was the base - she got bored with just me. She depended upon me and trusted me and knew I would take care of routine things and her - but emotionally she felt blah after a few weeks if she got off of the emotional rollercoaster and then would go seeking excitement (drama) again.

We don't know the age of the person who did get the job, do we, though?

Nervousness loses people jobs in interviews. I used to lie to myself and pretend it was something else (usually ableism or sexism), but only when I decided to start going in there with a damn-the-torpedoes attitude did my success rate improve immensely. An employer wants to see confidence, not someone whose hand they might have to hold.

I was thinking something similar, ATAT. the jobs that I've gotten are because I felt confident in the interview, whether that be because I was able to build rapport with the interviewer, was well prepared, had solid answers, etc. Perhaps nervousness is a turn off because it indicates to people that you might not manage well under pressure. That doesn't make it true, but perception in instances like this are everything.

Yes and yes. Sadly.

Is there some way you could get that drama without damaging your relationships?

Not always. I'd expect an applicant to be nervous is a job interview. I want to know that they can do the job, not the interview.

On one occasion we hired the most nervous applicant.

PS:
In my opinion, too much advice has been given to people on both sides of the table. If people are just going through the motions, the interview becomes pointless. In particular, I've read several complaints by interviewers that they get all the "approved" answers and learn nothing at all about the applicant. But maybe it serves them right for asking only "approved" questions.

Oh, but CE, it's like therapists. They know we're there because we have issues, but as soon as our issues affect them in some way they get all rejecting and critical.

No - not always - it depends on the job and what the interviewer is looking for. Job interviews are quite subjective.
I was more giving a different explanation besides agism. I think nervousness would be a cover for just plain personality offness than agism. So if I chose A over B just because they were basically equal in skill but I just, for some subjective reason, liked A better - I might give a reason like nervousness to explain. I am not saying it is fair, but it is how I think interviews go.

I agree with CE -- I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all approach about how one comes across in an interview.

I've (usually) done the I-don't-give-a-damn routine -- sometimes it's worked and sometimes people have essentially attempted to systematically decimate me and it's gotten really ugly.

At others times, I've come across as more diffident and nervous -- sometimes I haven't gotten the gig and at other times, something clicked despite my nervousness and I got it.

I think it takes two to tango -- if your interviewer(s) is one who places big emphasis on appearing confident, then yeah, you're going to be at a disadvantage if you don't and vice-versa.

Speaking of jobs, I again had a weird experience that even after all this while, I have no idea how to tackle. I was in a meeting with a client (conservative-looking person at a conservative firm headquartered in the deep South) and apropos nothing (really, we were talking about some statistical nuance), the client mentioned having a gay brother (and stuff around that).

I know it's obvious to folks that I'm a flaming queer but at times like this, I keep wondering if I should, I dunno, high-five the person and say "Hey, good job on figuring out my orientation and say Hi to your brother from me"?; or, pretend that the topic is totally the same as say talking about the weather and has absolutely nothing to do with me; come out right then and there and say "Thank you so much for trying very awkwardly to let me know you are down with the gays but really can we move on?"; any number of other options. Sigh.

Argh. And, it doesn't help that I work at a place that while it isn't exactly unfriendly towards queers, it's mostly treated as don't-ask-don't-tell (which is really fine by me at this point in my life -- I can barely remember when Pride happens etc).

Penny playing peekaboo
Nevermind Tapatalk is ignorent and won't let me post the pic

Yeah, hiring is totally subjective. When I was in a position to hire people, nervousness did not sway my decision if they had most of the rest of what was needed. I was a horrible, nervous job candidate myself for a long time. I was so lacking in confidence when I interviewed for entry level jobs that I am surprised I ever got hired, but people overlooked that and were curious to see what would happen. Finally, I kept pushing myself until I kept moving up and had a career, then left that to start another career--and I was a nervous wreck every step of the way. I think for those of us who melt into puddles, a lot of it is finding a good job match with people who see potential and are comfortable with taking a chance, and have the time to mentor.

I can't sleep (dental procedure earlier, painkillers now wearing off). So I am watching "Inside Out," courtesy of Info's loan.

I am three minutes in and wondering, how much longer?

My therapist suggested I watch comedies and asked if I could think of any. I said the only one that came to mind is Breaking Bad, but some might not think of that as a comedy and she was....IT'S NOT A COMEDY.

Thank you. I'm the same. And I think this is more about that trait for you, than anything else.

It is for me. Easily swayed. "She said," and whatnot.

Ohhhh, can we be besties? Totally new to this whole gay (lesbian) thang. LOL.