The Couch 150: Ceci n'est pas un couch

The problem with debates on "spanking" or "caning" in my country is that everyone's definition is so different.

I read an upsetting news article.

I regret asking my sister some questions about my childhood using the upset I felt from that article.

She told me about a painful, confusing family dynamic involving physical punishment I do not remember / have blocked out. She expressed surprise I don't remember it. She expressed anger and hurt about the dynamic, then proceeded to defend the parents.

I'm not accusing our parents of anything, I just called it "physical punishment" (neutral, factual word after all) but I might as well have accused them of heinous abuse, because she started justifying and defending. And SHE'S been the one telling me injuries, bruises, blood occurred, I actually have no memory.

My sister is probably really conflicted about our parents. I understand it's her process, but I do wish I didn't have to witness it.

And I'm tired, tired of the endless chorus of "well I turned out alright" from people justifying how they themselves were hit black and blue. Or my sister swinging between defending the parents and then expressing valid anger regarding them.

Okay, so what's wrong with me that despite all my pretending and high functioning, I DIDN'T turn out all right?

Nothing is wrong with you. Not at all. What you experienced is awful and what you're experiencing is a completely valid and normal response to it. There's no "justifying " for that in my opinion.

Yeah, your sister does sound confused. I'm sorry you have to witness it is she still seeing the counselor? I guess it's progress that at least sometimes, she's angry.

I'm probably upset due to a bunch of things. I'm not accusing my parents of anything but I wouldn't subject a kid to the dynamic my sister talked about.



And no amount of hitting will make difficulties in school go away ffs... (it's a common Asian thing, but it's so...lacking in good sense!)

And yeah, sure I see why people say they turned out alright, but again definitions differ and I grew up thinking what I experienced was normal, just like how my friends with bloody welts thought it was normal because it was all called a caning / spanking / getting whooped and various other cultural phrases...

Like in Chinese, there's even a phrase joking about how you should be whooped till your buttocks split "like a flower blooming" and swell "like a plant bearing fruit".

New avatar. Old was too recognizable, i use it everywhere.
I should also change my nickname...

I hate it when they practice obscurantism at work.

I love learning new words!!!!

I think I may have mentioned this before -- former T had recommended that I do REBT, which is DBT for folks who have a hard time accessing emotions and considering them useful information.

But, the couple of REBT manuals I read (granted it was the instruction manual for therapists looking to do REBT) were downright ridiculous and infantilizing.

And, it also doesn't nearly have the same evidence base that DBT (for all its flaws) does.

I told former T I found it stupid and that was that (she did try to give me some nonsense around how given her supposedly super duper training, this was the gold standard blah blah but whatever).

I think I also personally find the idea of this isolated sort of work on one's emotions to be downright weird. A good friend of mine (who's been through a ton of psychodynamic therapy and actually got a lot out of it and so, kept urging me to do it as well) has this to say about therapy in general -- therapy can take the rainbow (of one's psyche / emotions) apart but doesn't have a way of putting it back together.

I think that applies for DBT sort of stuff all the more. I mean supposedly I am the one who is robotic and cut off from my emotions but man, this sort of manualized stuff takes robotism (?) to a whole other level.

He never responded, but I didn't really expect him to. We have our third session this week today so I guess we'll talk about it then. I hope he's not sick of me by now. 10 sessions in 3 weeks trying to deal with the fallout of my husband's actions and I still feel like my world is falling apart.

Hi all I am out of IP thank god

Good to hear! Are you feeling better?

I'm feeling better. More grounded. Less paranoid. I had a med change

Glad to hear, jDNA

I will miss the sad parrot capt

But happy to see another kitty

Duchess has succeeded in removing that phrase from my vocabulary. It's very odd, but also possible. It's strange now that I've learned why I was saying it for every single little thing all the time - I use it less, and in it's more appropriate forms. Good luck

Wait, customer service requires "I'm sorry"? Can you use - "we apologize for" instead? Less self blame, and more responsibility on the company?

Oh no, now I want to put it back!

I use that sad parrot picture everywhere and my friends actually call me "parrot".
I'm almost sure none of them ever will come here on PC... And if they do, they know my nickname anyway... But i want to be less recognizable

I haven't broken myself from saying "I'm sorry" yet. Interestingly, the only place i say it excessively is to my T at least as far as I know. I think it annoys him, but I seriously can't help it. It's like I need to apologize for existing.

I have to say when I call service lines, I HATE it when they say "I'm sorry." Unless it's a specific mistake they've just made in the course of the call, like some incorrect data entry or what have you.

I do like your parrot is it from a tv show or something?

Well I think the parrot will return when you least expect it

It's an old cartoon. I'm not sure how to translate it's name to English...

I think I found it something about a parrot named Kesha?
I really love old Russian cartoons. I can't understand them but I sometimes watch Vinni Pukh and Cheburashka on youtube... the art and the music is so touching

Actually for one of my recital advertisements in college I used screenshots of the opening credits from Vinni Pukh... I erased the writing and kept the cute animal drawings and put in my own recital info in the same lettering style.

Yes it's Kesha

I love them too...
Have you watched "Hedgehog in the fog"? As I know it's known worldwide.

I haven't seen that! But I think I will watch it tonight!

I want to go and buy some chocolate, but it's almost 1 a.m. here and I'm scared to go outside.
But I want chocolate

My friend is coming over to help me study. My exam retake is Saturday at 8am!!!!!!