The Couch 150: Ceci n'est pas un couch

Of course I worry about him...
"You were ill? Oh no, please take care"
"You look sad today... I worry"
"You look different today. I worry"
And so on

He can tell me that he's having a headache, or that he had an argument with his wife, or that he hasn't had enough sleep...
And so on.

But we don't speak about his feelings and I don't try to help him

? What do u do?

My T once said clients can sense authenticity - if the therapist really does care. T calls me out when I bs too haha.

Thought I have: 'Vacation T is trying too hard".

I was thinking talking about it could help by: she realises your feelings about her and if she is indeed affected by personal stuff, she realises she's leaking it out.

There was a time when I felt things were "off" between me and ex T, so I asked. And it turned out she was experiencing countertransference (specifically irritation and a desire to shut me up) about my convoluted, self protective, anxious rambling.

Are you in therapy?

Or try to sleep it out. Supposedly work outs, walks, grounding with animals, breathing exercises etc. should help... I'm glad you're no longer doing drugs / not too much alcohol. Well done!

I study, uh... Something between mathematics and computer science. Used to work as a software developer.

Wow, cool! You've never told me
What language?

Thx...please don't sh... You are too beautiful for that. And no, I'm not in therapy. I never thought I would have to face this. Life has basically fallen apart since April when my h made a mistake and terrified me. I was in some very horribly abusive relationships before my h but now I'm just as afraid of him as I was/am of the past. I never thought he would be "that guy". It's why I said "yes" over 13 years ago. So yeah, woo hoo...

Hugs... So sorry your H did something to scare you. We're here if you want to talk about it... Are you safe?

And I think you should really consider therapy... It could help/benefit you to deal with this.

Mostly backend stuff with Java...

Angry at your partner... He should know better than to call you brainwashed and needy. It's your right to say "no" if you feel upset etc. (and any other time for that matter).

Also sorry about your sister... Didn't she say how much she changed a while back?

I agree that vacation T might be trying to hard. That countertransference you're describing sounds horrible though... I'm glad she was able to regocnise it as counter transference

You, pro. It sucks that you're studying something which you're miserable in *hugs*

Hey, Kenziemae, I'd recommend therapy too. Sometimes we all need a safe, non judgmental space with someone trained in working with people who've been abused, for example.

I think I'm safe. He's been acting really strange over the last few weeks. Very complimentary about every thing I cook, asking if I need help w/the kids etc. That is completely out of character. It has me really off balance. I've taken care of him, our kids and our home almost since the day we met. We have other domestic issues, too. Like finding a home for 5. Our landlord needs to "reoccupy" his home so add packing the house to the list of "to do". But it's mostly the extra attention from him that is making me wary. It's part of the cycle.

Hugs. He did respect my no and I did get space

Yeah, my sister is...sigh. I thought she'd changed since she said she was in counseling.

I'm glad current T is a much better fit for me.

I saw a therapist and she told me to see a psychiatrist and get on a mood stabilizer. Thing is, I have a hard time with meds because they make me "not feel". And why doesn't she want to help me unless I'm medicated?

Uhh, that sounds weird... Have you tried another therapist yet?
A good one (also a good psychiatrist) won't force you to take meds you don't want to. Or they'll try to find a med that doesn't make you feel numb...

Your partner shouldn't call you names and say that about you. Pretty sure we're all needy about something.

Yikes, that therapist sounds pushy. Mine thinks meds can help but also recognizes that meds can numb people out (like myself, for example). In my opinion, a decent T will only suggest you see a psychiatrist for medication if they've taken the time to assess you well. My very first T referred me to psychiatry after 4 sessions when it became clear my anxiety was really an anxiety disorder and counseling (more basic compared to psychotherapy) wasn't helping.

There's been a lot of "weird" but no, that was just last week that I saw my first one that specialized in PTSD. I was on a waiting list for about 2 months just to get the appt then was turned away.

We talked for about an hour and a half. She told me to make an appt w/a psych, get on a stabilizer and make another appt in 2 weeks.

That was after telling me how beneficial DBT she thought would be for me. So really, wth?

Neither do we, neither do we...

welcome to the couch, kenziemae!

Morning couchies, I went to bed early and missed a lot. Will try to catch up later today. I fell asleep watching Ghost Whisperer. Quite surprised I don't remember any dreams, that show usually inspires something in my dream-maker. For someone who for the bulk of therapy was a prolific dreamer, this remembering a dream twice a month stuff feels foreign. Me no likee. T would probably say it's because I'm not "doing my work". I'm hoping for a dream tonight or tomorrow night to give me some idea of how to start when I see her on Wednesday.

I want to see her again, but am really nervous about it because of what's been going on lately, I last saw her on 7/19 which went ok but then the aftermath of that happened and it all went to **** again. My h wants me to just leave it alone and not see her one last time. But I can't leave it alone - I know myself that well at least, to know that I would so very much regret it if we don't talk through this and have a civil goodbye. I don't honestly even want to say goodbye THIS week, I would prefer to go back to ending in November like we'd agreed before things fell apart, and work through these latest realizations. I know I'm repeating myself and I'm sorry for that. I'm practicing for telling her on Wednesday.

I promise one of these days there will be a couch that does not have any "Artie T Angst" in it!!!

Have a good day/night couchies and hugs, handshakes, and polite nods as they apply.

Good morning Artie... It's good to have coffee with you. I'm new here so I don't know of the aftermath but I am sorry things went to $#!+ for you. Hopefully, today is a better day and you find the courage to say what you feel needs to be said on Wednesday.

Art - Just tell her you want to keep coming - you were the one who wanted to quit - nothing from what I have read says to me she is trying to get you to leave. The quitting thing is coming from you. And you get to change your mind if you want or go every two weeks or once a month or what ever - let yourself have what you want on this. Is my stance on it - I quit and went back almost every week and month for the first few years. I did not apologize - in fact, it was never even talked about - I just did it.
Now I just take breaks although I think the woman is going to retire sometime here.