Transitional objects

I am about to experience a prolonged break from therapy due to holidays. The break incidentally follows a rupture we experienced (or not so incidentally, but that's another thread ...). To manage the situation, she offered email contact during the break or a transitional object.

I had a really strong reaction against the thought of a transitional object. I don't want any of her stuff at my house. Probably more importantly, it felt infantilising.

How do you feel about transitional objects?

I have a transitional object which is a stone that my T collected on the beach. I find it very supportive & when I'm feeling especially anxious or disturbed, I just hold it. It makes me feel closer to him & I feel connected to him & it helps to soothe me. I take it into session from time to time & he holds it during the session to 're charge' it for me. I know that sounds silly, but it works for me. It's the most special & valuable thing I have, its irreplaceable.

I took a vial of sand from her play therapy box on our last session. I had her hold it for a while so it could be 'charged' with her energy. I keep that on my bookshelf along with a framed note she made one session.

I don't think there's anything 'childish' about it. Lots of people have keepsakes for various reasons. If it helps it helps.

I have a stuffed animal and a rock from my T. They really help me. I also have a hand-written card from her as well as lots of emails to reread. Whatever helps, helps.

I have everything SP has been given, from a couple different therapists.

Me, I would rather have email contact provided she'll respond and her responses aren't going to be just "we'll discuss it when I get back." But I don't think transitional objects are infantilizing. Calling them a formal name like transitional objects when we have such objects for almost every close relationship in our lives - like I have rosary pouch from a favorite great aunt that still smells like her thirty years on - seems weird, but not childish.

But you should go with whatever you think would be more helpful to you.

I don't think that sounds silly. It sounds lovely and comforting. I would like to be able to soothe myself in these ways. The object is clearly special to you and I think that's a really valuable feeling.

I didn't mean to call anyone childish, I am sorry if my post sounded like that. I absolutely agree; if it helps, it helps. I think I am just sad that it wouldn't help me.

It's really interesting that you are the second person to talk about the object being "charged". Maybe that's the bit I am missing.

Yes, you are right. I have meaningful objects given to me by other people. It just seems truly tokenistic to be given something from the therapy room. Maybe I would feel differently if I knew she had chosen the object specifically for me.

Oh, gotcha. The stuffed animal from 1 I'm not so crazy about, since it was just lying around her office. But the stone No. 3 picked out for me, which had direct, personal, relevance to stuff we had discussed, means a lot more. Of course that was also a termination present, so maybe a bit different than "here's something to hold while I'm gone."

I do think if you just had a rupture email might be better.

Exactly! The "just lying around her office" feels really uncomfortable to me. It's nice that you have a stone with special significance, I can imagine that feels special 💚

Why don't you tell your T exactly what you've said here? I think your T needs some feed back regarding transitional objects. I think I'd feel the same as you if I was told to 'pick' something from the room. I think I'd say her that I'd take her lamp, or something she needs to use from her desk!!

Yes, I will tell her what I have said here. Thank you.

She's got nice curtains actually, I should have taken those.

I'd personally go for the book shelf -- with all the books.

I'd then spend the break looking over the marginalia (both quantity and quality) in them -- if any (absence thereof would make me launch into a separate analysis altogether) -- and making my own additions / revisions to them and then bring it all back post break for further analysis.

I do have a transitional object that I chose from things already in the office- but it was because that office specifically felt very safe to me while my own living conditions at the time did not. The idea was to choose a thing to provide a "transfusion" of safety and healing atmosphere, if that makes sense. It was very helpful for me. I don't have anything that a T has chosen specifically for me- that would be nice. I have a handful of items though- and yes, we did go through a "charging" procedure!

Last session, I asked R to write a particular phrase which has significance to me in our relationship on a post-it note: "I'm with you". She is away for three weeks. I then stuck it in my journal. It is comforting to know that it is there. J (T before last) gave me a beautiful pebble, which I have now misplaced. I went to a local beach and got myself a new pebble.

I got one from current T. Prev T didn't do that, while I think it would have been good for me at that time.
But now it doesn't do anything for me. I like getting it from T, it makes me feel good for a bit. Like I'm not just a paycheck to her. Like she does think about me, cares about how her being away for some weeks can affect me.

If it give one strong negative feelings/thoughts, it might be better to give it back to T and to teel T why.

I think they can be helpful. I don't have one that I was given, but my therapist said it's really common for people to ask for them. I'd brought it up to her because I read on here that someone's therapist had offered a business card as the transitional object and I thought that was really cruel so I told my therapist about it and she agreed that it was pretty awful to offer such a thing, and that's when she said it's very common for people to have them or ask for them.

She said she had tried to offer something along these lines to me a couple years ago and I shot it down. I don't recall doing that, but I kind of have a transitional object that I bring every week that she holds. I also have my dog who is kind of a transitional object. Both come from me, but they have strong connections to my therapist. I don't think there's anything wrong about it. It helps and doesn't hurt anyone.

...like her checkbook.

Ooh, or her car keys. Provided it's a nice car, of course.

I kind of made my own without realizing what I was doing or that this was even a thing. I had some extra Kleenex from his office box stashed in my pocket and somehow they became comforting for me. They've been in my pocket for several months now. They've even been on a cross country trip with me. I also did the same sort of thing when one day I filled up my water bottle from his office water cooler. Both of these things became a sort of physical connection to a safe place. He knows about both of these things, but it was super embarrassing to tell him about it. I think he was amused in a good way by the story I told him about the water.

The rock my T gave me has more significance than just a rock. It's a Lepidolite. It's supposed to aid in change and mental health. The stuffed animal is to bring me comfort when I'm missing her. But it's a silly monster, so that I will remember how we always laugh together and hopefully bring a smile to my face. Both she picked out and bought for me. Nothing in her office is actually hers (minus a lamp) because she shares her office.

My T is away on vacation at the moment, but she has still offered email contact. She knows it really helps even if it's a few sentences.

T gave me a stuffed animal moose that i named. i used to sleep with it for years. then it became part of my magical thinking game/problem, so i put it on the dresser and thats where it stays now

one night T brought me my comforter from my bed and practically tucked me in on the couch. he handed me the moose and said 'here's this little guy' . i snuggled up with it under the blanket. T made a sad mmm noise as he left

Aww, that's so lovely.

I had a little note that T wrote for me.

It was helpful at the time, but now I need it less and also maybe I find listening back to the recorded session more helpful.

I have a security cloth that can fit a double bed that my ex therapist gave me. We used it in a psychodrama to banish the unresponsive mean mother from childhood. I used to use it a lot early on, but through the years I have used it less and less, but it still goes with me wherever I travel in the world. It is silk and fits in my small purse or knapsack. It comes in handy on cold airplanes, in cold hotels and freezing hospitals. When my mom is in the hospital or at home, at some point she gets wrapped in it, even when she was on life-support. Unconsciously, it made a difficult situation easier to get through.

My last therapist gave me a heart shaped stone. I forgot what it was made of. I did appreciate the gesture, and think about it once in a while.

I would prefer to have contact over a transitional object at this point in my life, but I would guestion my therapist as to why they are mutually exclusive. It would not have been negotiable for me early in the middle of therapy.