So many people here suggest that I go to therapy. I want to improve myself but everything is just so overwhelming. If I am to consider therapy as an option to improve myself, I want to know how it can help me. In particular, I wouldn't mind some advice on what type of therapy I should seek and how it could actually help me.

With that being said, for those of you who don't know me, here is a bit of information about myself:

I come from a background of deeply seeded abuse and neglect by my mother. Without going into too much detail, my mother lied to doctors about "problems" that I had in an attempt to get me on a bunch of medicines that I didn't need. I don't know why she did what she did; it could be either because she wanted to control me or to garner sympathy from people; IDK. Additionally, she would tell me how I would never be able to take care of myself because of my "issues". She had me on 8-10 different pills that I didn't need because of my so called "issues". If I acted out, she would threaten to send me to the hospital. She had me sent to institutions on more than one occasion for acting out against her. At one point, she even lied to the cops and told them that I assaulted her and had me sent to juvie when I was 10 or 11 in handcuffs and shackles and all that all for getting angry and throwing a fit because she wouldn't let me go play outside and make friends. She would always tell me about how I'm dangerous to other children and it isn't safe for me to go out side so the only things I could really do is play with computers or read. I had no social life and no friends and I've been having to learn how to take care of myself as an adult all on my own because she wouldn't bother teaching me how to survive on my own; insisting that I would always need somebody to take care of me.

As an adult, life has been hard for me. I'm 26, yet I never learned how to drive, struggle with cooking meals for myself, and never had a girlfriend or experienced love. I have difficulties connecting with people or understanding my own emotions. I'm good with computers, technology, video games, and that sort of thing, yet I struggle with people. Additionally, I have a deep craving for connections with people that I never had a chance to feel. I struggle with being angry and envious towards people who have loving families and happy relationships. I have a degree of anger and resentment towards women because I crave love from one that I never had. I find all of these emotions so confusing and overwhelming and wish I didn't have feelings at all.

I have a need to be accepted by people that is so extreme that I have all of these grandiose ideas of starting a business pertaining to technology, gaming, or the internet and becoming wealthy so people pay attention to me and accept me. I struggle with connecting with people and I don't know how to get my needs met without arguing and fighting with people. I have a lot of hatred and anger towards others for not caring about me when I needed somebody the most.

With all of this being said, how could I even begin to help myself? I am currently a college student and I met with the student therapist there a few times, however, I don't know if I can get a lot out of seeing her because I used her as a professional reference because I was desperate for a job because I was struggling to support myself and I am afraid if I told her certain things that it would hurt me professionally. Additionally, I don't drive and I am still having to take driver's ed because my mother never let me learn how to drive myself so I won't be able to get a car for at least 4-6 months and I am dependent on riding the bus which takes me upwards to 3 hours just to get to and from school. Because of this, I am so busy during the week between being a full time college student and working 20-25 hours per week as a student employee to support myself which will make seeing a therapist off campus difficult for me right now.

I was thinking about at least using the student therapist to try to get my feet wet so to speak with therapy and try to learn what kind of therapy would work for me but I honestly don't know where to begin. I also don't feel like I'm ready to face all of these painful and overwhelming emotions right now, yet, I am tired of being chronically lonely and unhappy. I don't know what to do.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Salmon77]

It sounds like you have a lot of stuff from childhood that probably really impacts how you feel about yourself and how you relate to other people. It's possible that maybe psychodynamic therapy would help you talk through all that and get some peace about your mother's actions, especially if she's still in your life. Therapy can also help you try out different ways of relating to someone and give you someone neutral you can talk to about forming relationships. Personally I have gained a lot more confidence through therapy as well, which helps when dealing with other people.

Gotta start somewhere, right? The student therapist sounds like a good place, otherwise maybe she can refer you to someone else. Good luck, it sounds like you're in a really difficult spot.

[satsuma]

Wow, all of that sounds really tough.

To be honest - just speaking from my own experience- I think the most important thing is safety and stability. , and that usually comes from finding a job that you are able to do and enjoy, and then a safe place to live. Then try to make friends as much as possible. Then at that point it's good time to think of therapy.

I don't know if it's true for everyone but that was my experience. I think basic safety is paramount when you are leaving a long term abusive situation (which is unfortunately how yours sounds with your mother, as you have described it). And basic safety for me means a home and a predictable income. Then once that is in place, it's easier and you are secure to start to address everything else.

I grew up in a very abusive home, and I didn't start to address the long term problems this caused by going to therapy until my early thirties. In university (college) I focussed on getting my degree, and on simply surviving from one week to the next, and the same when I left and got my first job. I don't think I would have been able to address my issues very much earlier, because sheer survival was key for such a long time. I needed stability and security and it took quite a long time to create that for myself.

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I was thinking about at least using the student therapist to try to get my feet wet so to speak with therapy and try to learn what kind of therapy would work for me but I honestly don't know where to begin.

I think this is a good idea. A lot of people suggest therapy to me but whenever I get any form of it I don't find it helps at all. So I have decided not to pursue it in more depth. By trying this... you could get a sense if this would work for you. My best experiences in counseling were people with ideas that I had not seen before or other ways of looking at the world. Sometimes you just can't break out of your own thoughts. I also can't help but see the "Interested in online counseling" -- try Betterhelp today (at the top of my screen here) so.. that Betterhelp thing.

I don't know if you considered a "life coach" thing. I only say that because I feel like you need someone to give you confidence. It seems to me like you are extremely self aware but only lack the constant "you can do it" from a stable source. Also some of those are by phone. But it also costs money.

Finally have you considered self help? I have gotten some very good insights that I think were better than "therapy" by the right self help book. Of course, you have to read a lot but.. they are cheap and you can refer to them a lot.

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

I think this is a good idea. A lot of people suggest therapy to me but whenever I get any form of it I don't find it helps at all. So I have decided not to pursue it in more depth. By trying this... you could get a sense if this would work for you. My best experiences in counseling were people with ideas that I had not seen before or other ways of looking at the world. Sometimes you just can't break out of your own thoughts. I also can't help but see the "Interested in online counseling" -- try Betterhelp today (at the top of my screen here) so.. that Betterhelp thing.

I actually did look into the whole Betterhelp thing. The problem would be that I can't justify spending that much money until I know for sure if therapy is even for me and what types of therapy that I want. It is something that I might consider trying in the future but I'm not ready to commit that amount of money on something that I can't guarantee a return off of yet.

I also am considering hiring a life coach sometime in the future. The only problem with life coaches though is a good one isn't cheap so I would like to wait until I get my dropshipping business up and running and get some money saved up in the bank first.

I am planning on purchasing some video courses about improving social skills and boosting confidence that are made by a person that I trust since I learned a lot of my business and finance knowledge from this person and he knows what he's talking about it. I will be buying it this Fri. I hope learning better social skills will help me get better at making friends and connecting with people all while boosting my confidence.

Finally, I am willing to consider learning a bit of self help. The only problem is that all of this stuff is so overwhelming that I wouldn't know the first place to start.

Originally Posted by Salmon77

It sounds like you have a lot of stuff from childhood that probably really impacts how you feel about yourself and how you relate to other people. It's possible that maybe psychodynamic therapy would help you talk through all that and get some peace about your mother's actions, especially if she's still in your life. Therapy can also help you try out different ways of relating to someone and give you someone neutral you can talk to about forming relationships. Personally I have gained a lot more confidence through therapy as well, which helps when dealing with other people.

My mother is deceased. If she was still alive, I would still be under her control.

Do you know any credible source that I can read up on this "Psychodynamic therapy" that you speak of and how to find therapists that practice it? I know I could do a Google search and all but I'm honestly overwhelmed with all of this and I don't trust a lot of what I read on the internet regarding mental health related stuff.

Thanks.

[Salmon77]

Have you already looked at Psychology Today? Their website has pretty good basic descriptions of lots of types of therapy, as well as listings for therapists. Here is their description of psychodynamic:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ther...ynamic-therapy

I think it's kind of the basic, what you imagine when you imagine therapy.

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Have you already looked at Psychology Today? Their website has pretty good basic descriptions of lots of types of therapy, as well as listings for therapists. Here is their description of psychodynamic:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ther...ynamic-therapy

I think it's kind of the basic, what you imagine when you imagine therapy.

Thanks. I spent some time looking over the list of therapy types as well as the therapist listings.

I saw a couple therapists that I like. One in particular claims to work with aspiring entrepreneurs and creative thinkers and is also a life coach in addition to a therapist who specializes in several different types of therapy which would be perfect for me, since I am an aspiring freelancer and entrepreneur who is starting a company next month and deals in ecommerce during my spare time.

The only problem is that transportation would be a difficult factor for me right now so I am going to stick with my student therapist and continue working towards my drivers license.

Thanks again.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I actually did look into the whole Betterhelp thing. The problem would be that I can't justify spending that much money until I know for sure if therapy is even for me and what types of therapy that I want.

I tried betterhelp before and the first week is free if you wanted to give it a test run. I think if you discontinue it after the free trial you could probably even sign up again for another free trial if you're still not sure about it.

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Finally, I am willing to consider learning a bit of self help. The only problem is that all of this stuff is so overwhelming that I wouldn't know the first place to start.

Well I think we have a lot on common so I will tell you the self help that helped me. These are the four that I go back to over and over again. I bet your saying... well then how did these books help? Well I was a lot worse before.

"Do it" lets get off our butts: very inspiring book of quotes and slogans to motivate you. For me this book has been the only thing I look to when I need encouragement. The guy who wrote it died in 2000 and I suspect every word was sort of his "last lecture". It is plain and non verbose.

Full Catastrophe Living by John Kabat Zinn: I actually picked this up for anxiety but it offers just in general and entirely different way of looking things that was just really helpful. It is based on buddhist teachings and I thought that was loon tune stuff when I picked it up but.. now it all seems so right on.

The Power of Now really crazy book but I think also really wise. Basically he suggests that there is a mind and there is a brain. And your brain is trying to destroy you. And you are your mind. Basically you don't have to listen to your brain... you are you, and you don't have to be associated with it. This book was revolutionary for me.

The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force this one is really science like but I enjoyed it. Basically this is a science book about how it has been proven that your mind and your brain are not the same thing. And how you can physically change your brain via thought. So like they cite a study that shows people with OCD. One group did cognitive behavior, one got drugs, and one did therapy. Only the group with cognitive behavior (change in thinking) showed changes in the brain with pet scans.

I think the buddhist type books would be helpful for you because you say you struggle with feelings. For the most part they helped me chill with feelings. I could have them.., know they were there... and not judge or hate myself for having them. I kind of became like Spock. I assume these would be good for your commute to school.