The fear of rejection

It seems so many have fear or rejection. Maybe we should call this the Fear of Rejection forum instead of the Psychotherapy forum.

Here's a question: do men have this fear of rejection as much as women? Is it mostly just a female thing? My husband, who is by no means that well-adjusted, lol, is very much sure that everyone simply loves him and thinks he is great. He thinks he can do no wrong and is hot stuff! I don't see a lot of insecurity about abandonment or rejection in him. I don't think he would care. He would think it was the other person's loss if they rejected him. My therapist, who has worked with him, says he is narcissistic. So is narcissism the flip side of fear of rejection? Is there a middle ground? Should I strive to be more like my husband? (gag)

(footnote: for those who don't know, my husband and I are getting divorced)

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Did you then check your email waiting patiently for a reply and not wanting to actually read it?

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yep exactly! i check every 5 minutes to see if she has answered, & when i see a message from her my heart goes & then i have this feeling of intense shame, knowing that she has read my message & must think i'm needy, stupid etc & for a few seconds i can't open the message.Then i open it & first read it very fast to check any hint of "you are ridiculous..." -which i never get..she' s too nice for that.. & when i see that everything's all right i read it about 159 times very carefully....

Believe me i understand fear of rejection. I just started with a new t last week, and he dug that %#@&#! out real quick in that hour. it can suck, with your head screaming "say it! say it!" but the other half of your brain freezes and you just can't do it. the fan i understand well, but would have had to turn it off cause wind makes me panic. i wish i could offer u a cure all bit of advice. but hell, i cried myself to sleep on my bday cause i couldn't make myself ask my hubby for a hug. guess i just want to say ur not alone on this one.

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i cried myself to sleep on my bday cause i couldn't make myself ask my hubby for a hug

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That is painful, ouch. (((hugs))) It certainly rings a bell for me. When 100 times out of 100, I have to ask my husband for a hug, it is just constant rejection. You learn not to ask when you have constant rejection. If I didn't learn, I would certainly be stupid. It is no wonder I have the fear. I just have to unlearn that with new people. T is a start. Good description of therapy: learning that you will not always be rejected and so learning not to fear rejection.

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pinksoil said:
. . . jammed in there with some paper sticking out. I said, "Fine. Maybe there is a poem in there."

That would have been a great opening-- "Did you bring me anything today?" "Why yes I did-- in fact I brought a CD. . ."

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Don't forget to leave some plastic/jewel case sticking out so he has a clue/knows to ask (is that a CD or are you just happy to C me? :-)

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pinksoil said:
Here's another one that is really, really embarrassing to admit, but hey-- you all know I'm pathetic by now. I drink a lot of coffee and gatorade & both drinks make me have to pee constantly. So very often in the hour and a half sessions I have had to pee really, really, really bad, but I just sit there holding it cause I don't wanna be like, "Can I go to the bathroom?" lol So last session I had to go so bad because I had drank so much water in preparation for starting the Lithium. It was only like a half hour into the session....there was no way I could take it for an hour more. So finally I handed him my to poem read and said, "My kidneys are exploding." And he said, "Does that mean you want to be excused?" lol and I'm like, "YEAH!" and I ran to the bathroom. Then I came back and I was hoping by that time he'd be done reading the poem but he was still reading so I'm just sitting there basically looking for some place to hide.

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That's hilarious! There have been several sessions of both individual and group where I've been about to die because I needed to pee! I've never had the nerve to excuse myself. Last week in group one guy did get up and leave. And it was freaky. People were like "what did we say?" He's like "oh no, I'll be right back." Then we could hear the door next to the office and realized he went to the bathroom. Duh. I guess he could handle excusing himself, but I'd probably explode first.

Sidony