How Well Do You Know Your T?

I am not usually that specific about their failings. I have a more general opinion about what failings they have and they all exhibit it - how it manifests specifically may well be different. It does not really matter to me.
Again - we are not going to agree and that is fine.

I see now,your job is to find failings.Period.Which failings can be found in any and all professions,including your own.

What a clever way to earn a living.

Certainly people hate lawyers - we hear about our failings all the time.

Well at least now I understand why you are always so negative and have such biased opinions.

No more biased than anyone else. Everyone is biased.

That's true,but the things you say here at PC would be no different than if I constantly said negative things about all gynecologists and tried to sway others opinions of them,which someone seeing a gyno could be lifesaving for them,just the same as therapy could be lifesaving for some,and for me personally,it would be unethical to do that.But as you said,to each their own.

We will just agree to disagree.

I have never told anyone else not to hire a therapist. I have not tried to dissuade anyone from therapy if they find it useful. Have at it. I pay one or two myself - possibly for different reasons than others here do - but why my opinion or use of them is of such concern to others is not something I understand.
You completely misunderstand my stance. Which is fine.

I don't use mds either - I have never been to a gynecologist in my life. Frankly I would be more likely to try to dissuade someone from western medicine than from a therapist.

I was just curious is why I asked.It's just interesting to me that you spend so much time here in the psychotherapy forum giving your negative opinions about therapy and therapists,and your job is to sue therapists.You have the right to say as you please,it's just,I don't know,a bit odd to me.It reminds me of the atheists that spend time on Christian forums,stirring the pot for whatever reasons.I don't get the point.

But,I guess it's none of my business.Thank you for explaining things though.At least it makes more sense to me now,I guess.I was seeing your posts and thinking what is this persons deal,why do they randomly blurt out the negativity like they do?Sometimes I would read your posts and laugh because in my mind I was imagining a room full of children and you being that child that hates everyone and everything,the one saying ewww,cooties.

At least now when I read them I will know to take them with a grain of salt since I understand a little more where you're coming from.I imagine you have heard so much negativity in your profession that you have a reason to be biased.

I watched part of the video and read some of the comments. I'm not seeing how it shows some hidden side of therapists or anything.

I don't want to know anything about mine outside sessions. I don't want to see how she is when she's with her family, with friends and so on.

I certainly agree that taking people with a grain of salt is often a good idea and that I should not be taken all that seriously most of the time. I don't see that I am all that negative and have never told anyone else that they are wrong about how they see therapy. But, like you accuse me of doing, you judge me through your biases - it is the human way I suppose. I am by no means the poster who is the most negative about therapists.
You do misunderstand me completely.

Yes,it is the human way I suppose and I'm sorry if I have misjudged you.

I've thought about this for a while. I think I know her pretty well. I know a lot of her interests, her dislikes, some quirky things that she does, etc. I think she's pretty real with me. I think after being in therapy for 5 years twice a week, it would be impossible to get up a facade for that long.

I have no way of knowing what I don't know about my therapist or anyone, really, so it's hard to say how well I know her. I think she would probably say I'm wrong about her most of the time.

I know that she is good at her job, I know that she comes into the room and gives me her attention and warmth for that hour I'm with her. I know that she is easy to talk to and when I'm feeling low she is the person I choose to turn to for support.
I don't know what her favourite band is, what she likes to eat, or what she does in her free time! But do I need to know that to feel close to her?
For me I think as long as she keeps that same smile when she greets me and makes me feel heard and understood on a weekly basis that's all I really need to know, so no I don't know her outside the session, but I do know her really quite well when it comes to working together.

I don't feel like I know R as a person, beyond a couple of basic things that have been dropped into our conversations. R has shown herself to be caring and compassionate, and that is enough for me. She gives me the space I need to sick this stuff up that is deeply affecting me.

My therapist tries to remain as much of a blank slate as possible. What I know is mainly from what I've found out about him online- through his facebook profile and old twitter account. I do find myself wanting to know small things about him, but professionally as a therapist I know he's good.

I don't know anything about her. Literally nothing apart from her name. I quite like it like that though.

I sat in a room with one for approx 40 hours. It was obvious I didn't know her very well, even though she disclosed more to me than any other client. Her disclosures were paltry little things that she rationed out. After we had a rupture she behaved like a different person.

Most of the ones I have seen were heavily filtered automatons. Real people express needs, opinions, judgements. It's hard to know someone who methodically suppresses these things for months or years.

The justification is that therapy is for the client, so the therapist should keep their needs quiet. I consider that a red herring. The issue is whether the client knows to whom to they are talking, and if they do not, is that the basis for a healthy relationship.

I feel that I know my therapist. I have mad Google stalking skills, and my therapist is no blank screen. He has opinions, and he makes them very obvious. He tells me things about himself--bits and pieces of information here and there. I collect them to piece together an image of him (it's like piecing together a puzzle).

I'm certain he's not putting on an act, and he's not an asshole in real life. For one thing, he teaches college courses, and I've read his student reviews. Whether it's 20 years ago or a few months ago, his students love him. "Best professor I've ever had"-type of thing.

He feels like a real person to me, and that's one of my favorite things about him. I can't stand orthodox "blank screen" analysts and emotionally unavailable cognitive-behavioral therapists. The latter can literally be replaced by robots. (I know someone who's working on an app that provides CBT.)

I disagree. I think therapists are consummate and deliberate actors and manipulators. It's their "core competency".

As for how real are people in other interactions, the difference is that we are not paying those people, and we are not depending on them for such serious things as healing trauma, or digging us out of a crisis.

I searched for a t with particular areas of expertise, read reviews, looked at experience and credentials before selecting her. She has lived up to my expectations. She gathers information somewhat methodically and has connected some dots for me. She is working up a plan for me to spot red flags and actions to take, not just listening to me whine. I don't know her all that well and probably never will. The sessions are all about me. She is not a robot; she does show compassion when we are on something hard for me to talk about. At this point, I would be surprised if she suddenly started opening up.

I think the people who wonder if they know their T or adamant that they know them, are emotionally attached to their T.
After going to therapy off and on since I was 20, I only "cared" if I knew one and it was the one I was attached to.
I'd much prefer not caring if I know them. The other folks I know who go to therapy never "cared" about that either way and they don't understand why I became attached.

I feel like I know the core tenets of who he is as a person. I know he values his family from the way he speaks about them. I know he cares about the environment. I know that he's a wounded healer because, well, he used those words to describe himself. He's an introvert, again self described.

Outside of those things, I know little. I don't want to know him. The more I learn, the stronger the fantasy becomes. The more ingrained he is in my life.

My T tells me sooo much about himself and his life. I think this is a significant factor in why I want him so badly.