[Calilady]

"What in the hell was that?!"

Have any of you (who have terminated with the therapist you were attached to) felt this way? One day, it was like the fog cleared and the veil lifted and all I could think was, "Damn, I was so enmeshed in that!"

Anyone agree? I'm still heartbroken, but yet so glad I was able to leave. It would not have been good to stay roped in that grueling, painful situation. I also feel very silly and ridiculous, thinking back how MUCH it meant to me.

Can anyone relate?

[Salmon77]

I had a friendship like that once, it felt very intense and important for a couple years. Then the other person accused me of something in a really stupid, obviously manipulative way and I was just done with it.

I guess maybe it's ironic that this relationship was one of the things that made me seek therapy.

[here today]

I'm pretty familiar now with how I substituted idealized "therapy" for idealized family, which had kind of failed me when I was a teenager. But which I couldn't escape from, etiher. And I stayed stuck in idealization mode, which was kind of an adaptation or way of life that I learned/developed within the family.

I feel pretty silly and ridiculous, but also pretty devastated.

[seoultous]

I still see my therapist but I remember feeling like - I don't need her anymore. No panic attacks when she calls in sick, no Googling her for information about her.

If I don't "need" her, why do I keep going? IDK. It's mostly just habit. Where else can I get 1 hour of undivided attention to talk about anything I want to?

[junkDNA]

Yes but I also feel sad and can't believe it's over

[elisewin]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Yes but I also feel sad and can't believe it's over

Did you quit therapy? What happened? Hugs!

[hopealwayz]

Yes, totally! I was super close and attached to my ex-psychiatrist who was also my therapist. After that ended, I thought that the pain would never go away. Now I occasionally look at my old pictures of him, and I can't believe that I was so attached in that situation.

[Out There]

Not a T but a friend but the feelings are the same and very painful.

[hopealwayz]

Sending you lots of hugs.

I left my therapist I was attached to. It was a mutual termination because my work with her had ended and I was wanting and ready to experience life on my own. The first few months I regretted having terminated and not keeping her as a standby therapist I could go back to for tune ups when major difficulties arose. I missed her touch. She was gracious enough to help get me through those period.

I hope you can get distance and peace soon from the pain you are experiencing Calilady.

AttachmentesBueno.

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by Calilady

"What in the hell was that?!"

Have any of you (who have terminated with the therapist you were attached to) felt this way? One day, it was like the fog cleared and the veil lifted and all I could think was, "Damn, I was so enmeshed in that!"

Anyone agree? I'm still heartbroken, but yet so glad I was able to leave. It would not have been good to stay roped in that grueling, painful situation. I also feel very silly and ridiculous, thinking back how MUCH it meant to me.

Can anyone relate?

I can absolutely relate as that's how it was with my blank slate T. I was so obsessed with knowing about this woman that I couldn't think straight. I thought about her 24/7 and googled her extensively sand it interfered with my job. I never thought that I could move on from her and I can't believe how attached I was and how ridiculous it all was. When you are in it, it is very intense and feels very real. It is so hard to explain, but it is a big relief being on the other side of it!

I have an awesome therapist now who will answer my questions if I ask and my life is running much more smoothly.

Great thread, thanks.

[BudFox]

Yes all of that applies for me. Honestly it has been somewhat like escaping from a cult.

I think the "what the hell was that" aspect is due to this:

"Ambiguous structures constrain self-knowledge." -- Timothy Beneke

Seems the ambiguity destroys people. Does T care, who are they, what do they really think of me. That stuff eats people alive.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by Calilady

Have any of you (who have terminated with the therapist you were attached to) felt this way? One day, it was like the fog cleared and the veil lifted and all I could think was, "Damn, I was so enmeshed in that!"

Anyone agree? I'm still heartbroken, but yet so glad I was able to leave. It would not have been good to stay roped in that grueling, painful situation. I also feel very silly and ridiculous, thinking back how MUCH it meant to me.

Can anyone relate?

yes! i definitly relate.

although, the difference for me was that when i knew i needed to get out of the deep enmeshment that i was quite entangled in, i dedicated the last year of my therapy to untangle myself from the attachment with my ex-T (this was a personal goal that i made with hubbys support and T was not aware of it). i'm not sure if i would have been able to fully do it if i was not for doing nuerofeedback at the same time (which immensely helped to decrease the strong transference dynamics that kept playing out in therapy prior to doing the NFB) and without the support of my husband (who attended T sessions with me).

i 'grew up' a lot that last year of therapy and then one day, it felt as if i had literally out grown my therapist...i no longer felt that he had anything further to offer me. i finally felt in control and empowered and it was time for me to fly from the 'nest'. i was able to leave on my terms, so there was definilty less heartache.

although i left on good terms, i have had moments of feeling angered, hurt, saddened, shamed, and betrayed for becoming overly enmeshed and exposing many of my vulnerabilities for all those years to someone who was clearly not an equal in this relationship. since leaving, i have spent a lot of time processing trying to understand all that played out in my therapy and with my ex-T and can clearly see now that many of ex-Ts owns issues (attachment style, counter transference, narcissistic tendencies, etc) mixed with all my ***** probably contributed to the a lot of the drama i experienced.
i have no desire to experince that kind of dynamic ever again, and because of what played out in therapy for me, i have no desire, nor do i feel the need, to seek the services of another T.

[here today]

Thanks, koru_kiwi, for pointing out the enmeshment. I think that happened for me as well, at a level I didn't really focus on. Plus it was "normal" and "required" in my family of origin and hence in some ways "felt good". Until my last T and I got to the point where we had very different feelings about things, somewhat different values and approaches to life in some ways, probably in part because of different temperaments. She couldn't deal with it. As I saw it, she had dealt with her issues by becoming a part of a "clique" -- the therapist clique. And I wanted an independent sense of self -- but with no role model it was and still is hard. I kept looking to her for that, I think.

Fortunately, it may well be that there ARE role models for that here on PC. And unconsciously seeking it, I was fortunately able to recognize that when I saw it. I want to be myself, and independent, but not totally alone in the world.

I don't mind attachment to a therapist that I like and have a good relationship with, it wasn't extreme for me. But I was relieved when my obsession with therapy in general lifted.

I experienced it in an extreme way with an ex-bf though - it was very much like an addiction. It was pretty destructive and when I now think back, I wonder why I stayed in that relationship with someone who was such a bad match for me... it was a one time thing, not my usual relationship pattern. It created a bad tendency though that was quite hard to break.