Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

(((Lolag))) sorry to hear about your father

y'all i just went to see my pdoc (he and t work in the same office and they collaborate on therapy with me) and after meeting with him i feel 10x worse than i already did. he acted like i was being a baby or being melodramatic because i was upset over this bad pt outcome.

i can't tell if he's right or not. i mean i dunno maybe a stronger person would be able to go to work the day after messing up like that? maybe a stronger person would be less upset? but, like... i'm not a stronger person. i wish i were (i wish it so so hard sometimes) but i'm just not. i feel like he doesn't get to be annoyed with me for being messed up or weak or whatever--that's why i'm seeing him, isn't it??

i was already so sad and miserable and now i am sad and miserable and pissed and i already didn't have a heck of a lot of faith in him but now i really don't trust him. so on top of everything else, i feel hopeless, like my ridiculous pdoc/t dynamic duo is at least half-broken and they won't be able to help me and so i'm stuck as this miserable pathetic human with no hope.

anyway. i'm going to bed early and then getting back on the horse tomorrow. sorry for the rant.

I'm sorry, Lola...

Yes, when you put it like that! Maybe add Johnny Depp Ito the mix too.

((Lola))

I’m so sorry to hear about your father. Be strong at this time & try & look after you, if you possibly can.

*passes over the owl onesie*

So sorry to hear that, lg. Sending good thoughts.

So, I'm working actual emails today (my new job, responding to emails our members send thru our website) all day! I don't know where the day went. Not being on the phones anymore, there's no clock-watching, and I love the research part of the job, so the day flies by. Only a little more than an hour til I go home!

(((Chris))) I wish I had wise words for you. Just know we are sending warm thoughts.

So according to my email tracker, Info is in Jenks, OK. Wood nymph convention, maybe?

Sorry to hear that about your dad LG

Be careful though -- she could be replying from her phone and the cell signals can literally bounce nationwide.

Gmail has tried to block my a/c at times because in accessing email via my phone, Verizon would show my location as somewhere on the opposite side of the country (although I haven't traveled at all).

Jenks though sounds.......fascinating. Like all things Info.

Hey, you're upset because you care. That makes you better than quite a lot of other doctors, I feel

chihiro-chan, your pdoc is flat wrong. How utterly asinine.

Caring about patients enough to mourn when things go wrong means that you are a human being and you care about what you do.
Knowing when you must take a day off and doing it is wisdom, not weakness.
Going back knowing that you will use this experience to learn and be a better doctor is strength.

Anyone who implies otherwise is an idiot.

Well said, socks.

I am awake at 3am with a just awful earache and sore throat that feels like I swallowed broken glass. Guess who's going to the Dr tomorrow (later today?).... I should have gone yesterday but told myself I was just being a baby. Now it's even worse. Ugh.

Sorry you're feeling that way. I hope the doctor will be able to help you. Have you tried drinking tea with honey? Might take some of the sore throat...

If there's a Chinese herbal shop near you, look for this: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nin_Jiom_Pei_Pa_Koa

Freaking fantastic for sore throat.

Aww Art, I hope you feel better soon.

I'm sad today. I have my annual gyn appointment, and he's going to also refer me to an actual fertility clinic. I just...I was so hopeful that the non-invasive procedures would work. I don't know that I'm strong enough for what comes next.

This sounds though... Whatever you decide to do, we'll be here

I hope you will be kind to yourself as you go through this. Invasive fertility treatment and the ups and downs of trying to conceive and pregnancy itself are all really difficult.

Hugs, Daisy...

Thanks for the hugs and advice, all. I got another hour of sleep before I had to get up and come to work. I don't want to call in sick so soon into my new job, otherwise I would have today.... but, I guess I'd be miserable no matter where I am so may as well be at work. At least I'm not on the phones anymore.... SO much better....

(((Daisy)))

I told my therapist yesterday that I was trying to take a break from therapy so I I wish I hadn't told him now. I feel like he must be so sick of me and my ********. He probably thinks I tell him this stuff to get attention. I don't know how I can go back and face him again. I think he must hate me now. I'm so ashamed.