Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

I need to find a way to let T in more... I just don't know how. I can't even go to those places myself, I don't even know where does places are.

The "parts" of me that feel stuck in there don't know where they are either just that they're locked in and that there are huuuuuuge slippery walls they can't climb, where you can't even see the end.

This sucks. And I sound crazy.

What if there's no nicer place for me?

Waiting for Info. Sometimes I wonder if I keep seeing her to see what weird thing she’ll do/say/be wearing today.

I’m hoping for Winter Wood Nymph today. Ice blue dress, fake fur stole, hood, muff...you get the idea.

We're gonna start expecting pictures

On my way to t's....

I hope those of you who had appointments today, that they went well. Hugs to anyone else who wants.

There's this podcast that I listen to about psychology, and I sent the podcast just a fun random question. The podcast released an episode this morning where they answered it! It's really cool to listen to someone I respect talking about a topic I proposed.

Also, I went out with U tonight and had fun. Also bought a DBT workbook at the bookstore.

You’re a writer, use your imagination!

No, today was Ruffled Denim Peasant. With lace sports bra and moderately-heeled ****-me shoes.

We had a slightly tense exchange about trying parts therapy. My answer was, “no.effing.way.ever.”

Telling your T the truth might be better in the long run. You could start by admitting you haven't always been entirely straight-forward with him.

There is. For sure.

So much this. (Shudder.)

I wish I could edit or delete e-mails like Facebook posts. E-mails to T's, of course--both MC and T2 (MC yesterday, T2 today). Particularly because I know both are out for all or part of next week, so not sure if they're already traveling (if they're even traveling--not sure of the nature of their being out). Now I worry that that the e-mails will be hanging out there for a week... If that's the case, just want to be like NEVER MIND! Will just talk in session...

Really good session with t this evening. I told her what I said in the dear t thread earlier, that I had realized in the last day or so that my life is finally more interesting than coming there, and she cheered and clapped for me with this big ol' smile. She said "That's the goal!! I'm so happy for you!!" That felt really good.

Any chance of pocket riders?

I'll ride along

I'm late, but I'm in anyway

Morning, couchies. Hugs and head nods all around as appropriate.

((Lost)) hope it went as well as these things can be expected to.

Hi Couch.

(((Lost)))

hi luco!

I'm really, really upset, to the point of crying, about something that probably shouldn't bother me so much. The person who put my clothes dryer back didn't hook up the vent hose. I had to wash some clothes last night and now there's dryer lint all over the place. I'm so frustrated. The washer and dryer are in the bathroom and there's barely enough room to navigate in there as is. They are full size machines that are stacked so the only way to fix this is to drag them both out of the hole they are in and they are pretty heavy. The bathroom door has to be shut to do this. Then I have to somehow get behind the machines to hook up the hose. This would be the perfect task to get some help with from a partner. But I don't have one anymore. Where is this new, awesome life I'm supposed to have now that my abuser and pyromaniac is in jail?

I've been too tired from training all day to study this past week, so I'm hittin' the books today. Chapter 12 - Antisocial Relations.

So opposite of how I am feeling these days, but interesting so far. There's a link to Project Implicit where you can take different tests to see what your implicit feelings are about different things, and then the results are used in research. Interesting. I'm going to try a couple of them later after I finish this section.

(((NP)))

Sooo... there's a CPD event next Saturday that I really want to go to. It's on erotic transference.

It has occurred to me though that T1 could possibly be going. The thought of seeing him there is obviously completely horrifying. So... I'm thinking I should email him and ask if he's going, just in case... but... the thought of emailing him... argh.

Don't. 8chars

Don't email? Then what if I go and he's there? I'd have to leave. It costs £125...

...attending a workshop on erotic transference with the therapist I have erotic transference for? Doesn't sound like much fun.

It'll be a small-ish event with a lot of group discussion.

Although tbh even if it wasn't I'm not sure I could handle just being in the same room as him for a few hours.

Actually I'm not sure I can even handle seeing him. At all. Even briefly.