Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

)))SD(((

That sounds like a really painful dream, SD.

I have ones at times where my grandmother is still alive (she passed a few years ago), but she's usually near death in them.

That sounds like a painful dream to have. I wish dreams would stay in the night time where they belong. I have dreams where my husband is doing some of the things he actually used to do and when I wake up, it feels like he actually just did them. It's quite upsetting and usually ruins my whole day.

Feeling very disregulated and I'm highly triggered at the moment.

I'm really struggling with bad SH urges. I'm just so tired. My brother hasn't replied back. I'm scared I'm going to hurt myself.

My therapy session is tomorrow at 11.40am. I can't wait that long.

Hugs. Here if you need to talk. What triggered you?

I hope you can hang in there. If you can’t , try to control the urges a little bit and try to stop when t gets too much

It turns out Info thought I was cancelling next week’s appointment.

So now there is no appointment next week, unless I want to take a cancelled slot at a rather inconvenient time.

I’m thinking about not taking it. And then not rescheduling.

She certainly sounds disorganized in her scheduling.

Wow, yeah...

I hate scheduling mix-ups.

The bathroom seems a sensible idea. I'd stick with that.

I fell out with my 3 old best friends in around may last year. There wasn't a fight or anything- at the time I felt like I reached out and told them how much I was struggling but they didn't show up. I felt rejected and hurt. I promised myself that I wouldn't need anyone like I did at that moment. I was tired of trying to be there for everyone else, so I just began to focus more on myself. Radio silence for almost 3 months. We spoke in july about things and we both apologized and left things on a hopeful note. My birthday came and went in september but no messages from any of them- but I contacted A last week to arrange a time to return one of her folders that I had. I told her that I was sorry for hurting her- whilst we couldn't go back we could move forward. She said too much had happened. She was my best best friend I guess I still hoped that we could fix things.

But I just feel like there's a reason why I don't have many friends and I'm the only common variable.

I 'm feeling the effects of one session a week instead of my usual two and I feel like my SH urges have become worse.

I just stayed in bed, ate and awful amount of chocolate, cried an awful lot and numbed my brain with youtube videos.

I'm tempted to cancel tomorrows session. I don't want to talk. I'm tired of talking.

Hello all. Hugs to everyone who wants or needs. And )SD(

It's been a rough couple of days. Had some blood work done Saturday. Doctors office called on Monday asking me to schedule to go over results. Uh oh.

So I took a half day from work yesterday, and had lunch at a Thai restaurant near my doctor's office. So apparently the soup of the day was tofu soup, which was petty bad. I'm highly allergic to soy. So thankfully I was able to treat before I went into anaphylactic shock, but I definitely had a reaction.

Still went to the appointment, and was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Ugh. Great.

Stayed home today because I essentially overdose on Benadryl for my allergies and Epi if it's bad enough. Yesterday's reaction didn't escalate to Epi levels, thankfully, but I slept for...14-15 hours.

Probably won't have any Thai food for a while.

ETA: probably also going to dump V.

Ugh, I'm sorry Daisy, that all sounds so miserable... Glad you're OK after the soup. And sorry V isn't working out--thought you liked her at first?

(((lemon)))

Here's what I hope your future looks like:

If you are interested in hugs/support only and not additional thoughts/advice that come primarily from my personal experience with depression, feel free to take the hugs and stop here

I've felt like this too--like I'm socially incompetent and therefore no one likes me, or so needy that I chase people away. It's such a miserable feeling. For me, at least, my depression distorts the facts of things and makes me believe that I'm a terrible awful unlovable human when really I do have friends who care about me and I probably am a pretty average level of terribleness.

Having to cut down on sessions can be so so hard. (And for me, I'm always mad at myself for letting something so "trivial" affect me--even though cognitively I know that therapy is a big deal.)

When my SH urges get worse, sometimes I can find something on this list (or others online) that can distract me from SH for a bit. The one that works most reliably is something I learned when I was inpatient: I put lots of wet crumpled-up washcloths in the freezer, and when the SH urges get really bad I make myself un-crumple it before I can SH. (It sounds stupid--when the nurse suggested it to me, I rolled my eyes really hard--but something about the cold sensation and the puzzle nature of it really helps distract me.)

Sometimes that's the only way to get through the day. No judgement there.

Been there too

For me, at least, I usually feel better if I can manage to do the non-isolating thing i.e. go to school/therapy/grocery store/whatever. BUT sometimes I can't manage that so I stay isolated anyway.

Anyway tl;dr I'm sorry you feel so bad. You are not alone. Here are some hugs

((((lemon))))
((((daisy))))

)SD(

(I wish I had something to say that wasn't pablum but I don't so here is this run-on sentence and non-hug.)

Pretty sure SD likes the word “pablum.” So that counts?

Oof, daisy. That's a lot of things at once

Here is some daisy love for you:

This.

*mic drop from NP complete*

((( )))'s and ))) ((('s to all those in need.

goodnight and sleep well, couchies on my side of the ocean. and have a good day to those who are on the other side.

Aaaaugh couch I *hate* the night shift. It makes me feel like this:

V is fairly inoffensive as therapists go, which is both a low threshold and hilarious given her full proper nickname. But she isn't terribly insightful and isn't challenging me enough. She also decorated for Christmas, which was just cringe worthy for me. So many people struggle around the holidays, myself included. She has this tacky mini tree that changes colors every 10 seconds right on the spot of the floor I normally stare at.

A flashing tree would drive me crazy, too distracting for the therapy room in my opinion.

Yeah, "inoffensive" doesn't sound so great. I don't think I could deal with a color-changing mini tree either! And, besides what you mentioned, I suspect maybe she has clients who don't celebrate Christmas for religious reasons, so they could be offended. Makes sense to see who else is out there. Hope you find someone good!

ugh daisy, i wouldn't want to deal with any christmas tree in t's office, let alone a color-changing one. that would be too distracting. i'm sorry she didn't consider that before putting it up.